To go off sick with stress?

[Mymsical]

I've name changed for this because it's quite identifying.

My DS is 5, he has SEN and is not coping at school. He is also adopted and we are struggling to get any support from the post adoption team. He is in reception in a mainstream and has been on a reduced timetable pretty much since he started.

He made an allegation about his dad to school before Christmas (we are divorced), triggering social services involvement on the child protection side too. They have concluded there is no safeguarding risk to DS but he will be put on a Child in Need plan to enable us to access support.

We are awaiting an EHCP decision at the end of the month and hoping for a specialist school, but it is not looking likely. He is very bright and academic but struggles with his emotional regulation, but he has an attachment disorder so is very charming and so the educational psychologist saw him at his very best. The school have sent videos of his episodes though to the EHCP team so who knows.

I'm not coping. I went to go off sick, and spoke to my managers manager last week. She was a single mum to a disabled child too so gets it- and she offered me 2 weeks of special paid leave to try to get things in order. This is hugely appreciated and I understand how lucky I am to be receiving this.

But now the thought of going back to work next week, when things only seem to be escalating for my DS, is overwhelming. There are going to be children in need planning meetings, possibly taking his EHCP to tribunal, still having him at home with me two days a week until we can get him in to a special school because he cannot cope full time, and knowing that the school can ring me at any point on his school days to come get him because he is having a meltdown that they are not equipped to help with.

I'm still battling post adoption to get him a multidisciplinary assessment, battling community paediatrics to get him a diagnosis, battling community therapies to get him an OT, awaiting a DLA decision that I may need to appeal too.

I am exhausted and sick but also a high achiever who loves her job and doesn't want to let her (very small, specialist) team down.

AIBU to consider going off sick next week until things are a bit more stable?

Your boss sounds super supportive- talk to her.
I'd not just go off sick though. I do think it could be seen as taking the P when they've already been so understanding and given you special leave.
I'd also consider you're issues ongoing- even when in the new school you will possibly be looking at settling in issues etc so if you look at it that way will there ever be a good time to return?

Yanbu to consider it. You have a massively challenging situation. I would also say talk to your boss again. Could you reduce your hours in the short term say a few months to give you a bit of headspace and take the pressure of juggling? I have 2 kids both with additional needs/disabilities and the appointments and admin can feel like a part time job.

But at the end of the day You need to be ok in order to care for your son. And if that means a break from work, then sometimes that's what has to happen.

Sending love

You need a longer term solution, as none of the issues you describe are going to be resolved quickly. Can you reduce your hours or work more flexibly?

I'm also not sure sick leave is the best solution, as work can give you a break from the issues at home. Things are difficult at the moment, but having nothing but those issues 24/7 may feel even more overwhelming.

Definitely not unreasonable, although if you didn’t want it to be sick leave you could look at parental leave, however it is unpaid.

Unless working towards reintegration part time timetables are unlawful whether or not parents agree. Unless the school are formally excluding DS each time they are illegally excluding him by asking you to pick him up. Refuse to collect unless they formally exclude. It sounds harsh but it will give you evidence DS needs more support. When was DS 5? If it was last year DS is now CSA and therefore the LA have a statutory duty to provide alternative education if DS cannot attend school full time - this could take a variety of forms e.g. home tuition, care farm, small group tuition, online depending on his needs. Unfortunately if DS was 5 this year the LA statutory duty doesn’t kick in until next term.

Has DS not had an OT assessment as part of the EHCNA? That way you don’t need to sit on waiting lists. And if you get an EHCP OT can be included and so must be provided. The same with any other assessments that are needed.

Have you asked for a carer’s assessment and do you get any respite via the disabled children's team?