Moaning about not seeing grandchild

[Mangomammy]

My MIL hasn’t been to visit LO since we got out of hospital…but moans that she doesn’t see them enough.

I had an emergency section 5 weeks ago, spent the first two weeks in hospital while we both got treatment. MIL visited once - I was only allowed DH and one other visitor per day for the first week then the rules changed and only DH was allowed.

I can’t drive yet and public transport is too far a walk for me to manage atm we need to wait for DH to finish work/ weekends to visit people. But, my door is always open for visitors!

MIL lives 10miles away, works 4 days a week, has her own car, won’t come visit but every time we’ve been round she passes comment about not seeing the baby enough and that “once mummy is driving again you can come visit me every Monday and Tuesday!”

AIBU to think she should come visit if she wants to see the baby more - I’ve said to her a handful of times that she can pop over whenever.

How’s her finances, can’t she just grab a cab?

Sounds like she wants to be spoonfed, by being picked up and dropped off or you putting all the effort in.

Yanbu. Don't pander to it. She needs to come to you as much as you come to her (frankly more while the baby is so new!!)

Tell her honestly that she's welcome to pop in for an hour on Tuesdays but you still need plenty of rest so you're not travelling about.

Honestly whenever she says that I'd say "you are welcome to drop by you know?"

And no fucking way would I be going there every Monday and Tuesday@!

You need to be direct now and not get dragged into her passive aggressive guilt trips.
Say to her really clearly she can visit you at home but you won't be committing to visiting her every Monday or Tuesday even when you feel up to driving. Make it clear you aren't putting up barriers but that she is an adult capable of visiting you at home and you have your own life.

I'd assume she wants to tell herself or others that she's a loving gp, but isn't actually fussed about seeing the baby.

Tell her straight now. You might visit on a Monday or Tuesday if it's convenient for you but otherwise she can pop round.

I know you're exhausted, I'm sure your tummy hurts, I cannot imagine how difficult it's been for you this last month, but..........

You need to knock this on the head RIGHT NOW!!

Just NO!
No passive aggressive comments to your baby
No assumptions about spending two days a week with her
NO assuming you'll be visiting her at the same time every week, ever!

JUST NO!

Um, I may have been a little triggered by your post OP

I find grandparents do this even if they have the means to come visit rather than you going to them. My paternal grandparents would rarely visit us growing up, we were always expected to go to them. My maternal grandparents did both and would holiday with us too so worlds apart.
Tell her either come to you or stop moaning about it, you have enough on your plate! May be a job for DH.
My inlaws used to moan that they didn't see the kids, caused a big fall out at one point. They didn't want to come to us which I found annoying, they don't come often now either but are a bit better than they were and don't moan about it.

Surely, just be direct?! Just tell her straight-up she is welcome to visit you on Monday, Tuesday or whatever day suits. But you are still recovering and even when you can drive again, it would be easier and more convenient if she arranged to come to you when she wants to visit her grandchild.

I’d also be direct - I won’t be coming to you but you are welcome to come to me. Just text me and let me know in advance so I can get nice biscuits in.
And then don’t let her guilt trip you into going there.