Living with ADHD - is there any hope for improvement?

[rainbowribbons]

I’m 46 and I’ve just been diagnosed with ADHD – inattentive type.

I have felt pretty depressed since the diagnosis – although there was initially relief, there’s now a dawning realisation that this is the person I am, and it’s not a phase that will pass.

My background is – as a child I always felt a bit strange, in a dream and like I didn’t quite fit in. Did well at school academically. At secondary school never did homework, turned up to lessons with no pencil case or work, revised the night before for exams and sailed through. Teachers didn’t seem to really notice me, except to tell my parents I was bright. Got to university, probably went to about 10% of lectures, but again sailed through exams.

Since then, I have floundered. I’ve been extremely depressed and anxious on and off for years. Feel I am not good at socialising, although have a couple of close friends. I feel most people don’t get me, and it’s difficult to explain how hard I am trying. My energy is always up and down, and I get so tired every day I need a nap in the afternoon. My emotions are very intense and exhausting.

I’ve had a series of dead end jobs, none of which I stayed at for more than 18 months. I am married with two children, one of whom has ASD. For the past 14 years I have been a SAHM. I find family life very stressful at times. The house and garden are absolute bombsites, the house needs to be decluttered and decorated and I have no idea where to start.

I spend most of the day surfing the internet or reading books.
The things I do do are cook nutritious meals and help the children with their education.

I feel such a total, utter failure. I feel so unproductive. I really need to get a job to help with our finances but I just know how I am, I would get so stressed and not be able to cope. I have no idea what I would do anyway.

DH provides for us financially, sorts out all the bills and paperwork etc - I feel like I am such a burden.

The psychiatrist I saw has given me a prescription for medication (Elvanse) – I need to have an ECG first, then blood pressure checked then I will start.

Is there any hope for me? I'm hoping the medication will have positive effect but how can it totally turn my life around? I am so tired of having to work so hard all the time to just limp through life. I have heard all the suggestions of writing lists, alarms, mindfulness etc….I am trying but it all seems such an effort. Does anyone have any positive stories of how they improved their life with ADHD?

Hey, I think you have done a great job in a world which is designed for people who are NT.

You sound like a great mum.

I have a daughter who is very high ADHD, I am lower and found my groove in the tech industry (no surprise really it's full of ND people).

The medication has really helped my daughter but she only takes it on school days.

There are some really amazing women on Twitter who have ADHD that gave me some great tips, and there are quite a few adult and child ADHD discussion groups/online meeting once a month.

What do you want to change? Is it the house focus? Do you use a timer for tasks you want to get done for example?

@jeaux90 thanks for your encouraging words.

What I want to do is to be able to get motivated to sort out the house, and to be able to keep on top of it ongoing. I also want to be able to get a job that interests me and stick at it.

I think connecting with other people on social media is a good tip, I think that would help me to feel less alone and less of a failure.

Question also, are you menopausal? I found it really hard when it started to kick in and women who are high ADHD have also mentioned it so if you are it's worth considering HRT (changed my life)

The last thing you need to be doing is struggling with your ADHD and menopause. If you aren't all good but keep an eye on that.

Lists help but using a timer to stay focused with house tasks is good. One thing every day (one room or one task, set time)

I think the trick with being ND is finding something you are really interested in, in terms of going back to work or running your own business. Nowadays I feel way more passionate about the womens sector/political stuff/house renovations than tech/IT but it pays the bills . There are a lot of things I'd like to do but I know my focus can be fleeting and periodic.

Get the ECG done, try the meds and see how you go from there

The medication is not a cure all but does significantly help, DD 19 DS 18 both diagnosed in teens with ADD have significant improvement with meds. DH diagnosed 50’s and unmedicated is more like your description and requires more organisation by me

I’m bumping this up to ask how you are @rainbowribbons because to be honest you sound just like me! House is a bombsite constantly; I’ve just taken a job after three years out, but thinking of resigning before I’m fired because I just can’t settle down to it. :-( It’s a nightmare.

Perhaps peri-menopause is part of it, I think it’s also WFH, which has no structure; trauma from the death of my partner (hence leaving last job); all my executive function going on raising my son - I can barely do a bedtime routine for myself, let alone him - plus what are probably harmful effects of what is basically just internet addiction.

Any hope or encouragement welcome! I’ve given up alcohol and I believe exercise is really beneficial. Just feel really alarmed by this.