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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would it be worth reporting this?

10 replies

justamumseekingadvice · 18/01/2022 00:41

Long history of domestic abuse with ex, separated, fled into refuge, domestic abuse carried on via child contact, DD was then left with suspicious injuries so I stopped contact and sought legal advice, court case starting at the moment regarding child contact - no face to face contact at the moment on the advice from CAFCASS who do not feel it is safe.

I still keep him updated indirectly (photos, emails, etc) however every time the focus shifts onto child contact rather than DD (his doing not mine).

Fast forward to last night I messaged about some work DD had done at school she had done really well. All he said was well done and then started going on a rant about me and child contact and being abusive - examples include calling me a low life disgusting person who he can’t stand, a spiteful fucking shit, heartless piece of shit, I have a very special place in hell, I deserve all the abuse he has done to me, it makes him physically sick talking to me etc and a load of other crap that went on for over an hour even when I repeatedly asked him to stop abusing me. He also tried to lie about what the cafcass officer told him (he said they told him different to no contact even though they very clearly told me they had told him they don’t support contact) I don’t believe him and I think he is using it as a manipulation tactic to get contact with DD and have me drop the court case.

Should I report him to the police for the malicious texts he sent me and being verbally abusive or is it not worth the hassle/a waste of time? (I have screenshots of the messages on my phone so he can’t deny them) even if they just give him a slap on the wrist as a deterrent to not keep doing it or face the consequences?

I will be ringing CAFCASS tomorrow and clarifying with them so they can see he is a liar too, but wasn’t sure about the police…

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 18/01/2022 02:34

Yes report it. My DD had a none molestation and restraining order and it was made clear to report everything. He is still abusing you. Stop all contact. My DD'S ex got his PR removed. At the moment you aren't protecting yourself and this will mean that you don't fully protect your DD. If you don't report it, the court can dismiss it or decide that you can't safeguard your DD and order Family support/SS involvement.

Shamoo · 18/01/2022 02:39

I would report it (certainly can’t have) and then stop all contact. He doesn’t deserve updates on your child if that’s how he responds.

draramallama · 18/01/2022 02:40

Yes. If you don't report it then it didn't happen from the perspective of legal system.

And stop contacting him like this. You're just facilitating continued abuse.

GracieLouFreebushh · 18/01/2022 02:45

Definitely and report previous incidents for record

justamumseekingadvice · 18/01/2022 08:46

Thank you everyone, I have reported it now and even the policewoman I spoke to said he doesn’t deserve updates if he is going to act like that so he has lost the one form of contact he had with DD now through his own fault. I guess because it’s become the norm for me to be treated that way I thought I was over reacting by reporting it, but I’m glad I did now even just to build up more of a history and show his pattern of behaviour x

OP posts:
GracieLouFreebushh · 20/01/2022 21:11

I'm really glad they were supportive x

Intothelight123 · 20/01/2022 21:16

Definitely report it. Do you have legal aid?

Intothelight123 · 20/01/2022 21:17

Sorry I read your posts but it didn't quite register! Really glad you've reported it

justamumseekingadvice · 20/01/2022 21:57

Yeah reported it, awaiting an arrest for him next week and hoping to get a non mol in place tomorrow 🤞 I can access legal aid, and am doing so at the moment xx

OP posts:
Chimley · 20/01/2022 22:11

Well done. You've done the right thing.

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