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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Keeping child back a school year - in Year 5

30 replies

Goodnightpeach · 17/01/2022 19:56

Hi. Has anyone successfully moved their child back a school year at an older age?

We are moving to a new area soon and moving from state to private school. I mention this because DC won't know anyone in her new school, and I think private might have more autonomy over whether to accept her in the year below.

Our 31st August born child is in currently in Y5 and academically in the lower 25% attainment wise for reading, writing, spelling. Her maths is good but she has some dyslexia and struggles with English tasks.

Obviously we would also need a private secondary to agree to take DC when the time comes, but I know of people who have done this successfully with London secondaries so think the secondary school transition part will be fine.

OP posts:
HavfrueDenizKisi · 17/01/2022 19:59

Not my kids personally but I know of two children at our private primary who were in 'wrong' year groups. One repeated a year (also a summer born) and one accelerated a year. Both moved up to private secondary schools with their adjusted cohort.

Dimondsareforever · 17/01/2022 20:02

I don’t think it’s unusual for children living from state to private to be out back a year. No personal experience (all state here) but I have 2 friends that moved their DC and they both had a child that had to go back a year.

DistrictCommissioner · 17/01/2022 20:07

My niece went back a year when she moved from state to private - she did Y2 twice. Academically she has now caught up in most subjects, but her self esteem has been really impacted by repeating and she is very self conscious about it. It doesn’t help that she’s a Dec birthday & tall for her age.

ParisNext · 17/01/2022 20:07

Yes! My late august born child changed schools and restarted year 5 at the new school. It is hands down the best choice I have ever made- went from doing quite badly just because of not grasping things and was very small too and seemed just too young to then understanding everything and seemed solidly in the right group for friends etc. Every single teacher (including the losing school) has said what a great success it has been. Much more confidence and self esteem too.

Soontobe60 · 17/01/2022 20:11

I’d say it could be disaster out for her self esteem. I’m assuming that the school you’re sending her to isn’t a selective one? In which case, please think very carefully about how this might impact in her. Yes, she’s only 1 day off being in a year below, but addressing this after she’s been in school for 6 years is a whole lot different to addressing this by delaying the start of her school career in reception.

mummywithtwokidsplusdog · 17/01/2022 20:12

Sounds like a very sensible move- independent schools will be delighted to oblige. I don’t think you’ll be anything other that relieved in years to come.

Original poster
Goodnightpeach · 17/01/2022 20:14

Thanks for your replies. I am trying to think of the downsides - DC may come across children she knows in secondary and feel conscious about it (we are only moving to another part of the same city). So there's the potential for teasing in the future ...

But I feel we can put a positive spin on things because she is August born and short for her age. We would tell her that she is basically so close the the cut off that she should have been in the lower year from reception but policy wasn't changed until the year after she started school (which I think is true - delayed starts were only allowed in our borough from 2013/14)

OP posts:
Original poster
Goodnightpeach · 17/01/2022 20:16

It would be a selective school - as selective as junior schools are, ie: nowhere near the same bar as a selective secondary.

We actually thought it would help her self esteem insofar as she will be more academically able in the year below than her current year. She is awarder English/writing etc is at the lower end of her peer groups ability range.

OP posts:
Lougle · 17/01/2022 20:22

I considered this for DD2. The head teacher told me it was an awful idea for many reasons. I think, actually, she was right.

Lower 25% doesn't mean she's struggling. It also doesn't mean that she'll become a high achiever in the year below - children who are bright and have access to good teaching will accelerate their learning, so any advantage is likely to be temporary.

If she has to go back to state for any reason, they are likely to put her back with her rightful year group.

Emotionally, there will come a stage where she realises you thought she couldn't cut it in her year.

I would focus on making sure that she is having any needs addressed and keep her in her current year group.

DistrictCommissioner · 17/01/2022 20:31

It is tricky. It certainly made sense for my DN to repeat Y2 from the academic side of things, but it certainly doesn’t mean she is now excelling - she is now average in some areas where before she was below average in everything. At this point it seems to have been the wrong decision from an emotional point of view (as in her emotions) but maybe that will change… It’s a hard call to make.

We held our summer born DS back right from the start, that so far has caused him no issues, but it didn’t have the aspect of repeating, not being good enough to go up etc.

Tomnooktoldmeto · 17/01/2022 20:40

We did with a year 8 moved back to 7 when we moved them to private with a similar birthday. DC was very bright but had missed some education due to health

One of the best decisions we made for them and none of us have ever regretted it

Grida · 17/01/2022 20:45

A lot of children do this in private schools for all sorts of reasons including dyslexia, coming from a different education system in another country, EFL etc. She may not even be the oldest in the year. It is not something that other children notice or care about.

Dithercats · 17/01/2022 21:22

When my summer Born's went into private they redid year 6. Best decision I made 👌

Quartz2208 · 17/01/2022 21:27

with a birthday of the 31st August she is literally hours away from being born into that year - it makes sense especially as she could now be held back a year.

If the school agrees

cansu · 17/01/2022 21:33

A few potential issues

  1. Keeping her back will not necessarily mean that she will not be in the bottom 25 %. There are many kids who are born on the 31st who will not be part of this cohort. She will likely still be struggling with her dyslexia.
  2. If she ever moves from private, the state sector will not go along with this.
Pellewsmate · 17/01/2022 21:38

My summer born moved to private school and we decided to move him back a year, he redid YR4. Best thing we did for him, he settled in well and it allowed him to mature. He continued in private education throughout senior school, not sure how it would have worked moving him into state school. The only problem is that now he is 18 and a lot of his friends are 17, he is having to wait to go to pubs/clubs until friends are 18 which I think is fine.

Original poster
Goodnightpeach · 17/01/2022 21:42

Thanks all. So a lot hanging on how DC interprets the move.

I know she will be thrilled to be an older one in the year and that’s been a big bear throughout - being the last to turn 9 etc.

Those that have made the move successfully, how have your older children reconciled the move back a year?

I agree that the dyslexia will still be there and we’ll still have to supplement with home teaching etc but I do think being the eldest will give her a fighting chance

OP posts:
Tomnooktoldmeto · 17/01/2022 22:01

@Goodnightpeach our dc is now in year 13 so we’re right at the end of the story

DC was and remains grateful for the opportunity, in their case it came about because of a disability that required a school change with an EHCP

The only issue it threw up was that by moving them they ended up in the same year as their sibling so now we have 2 DC in year 13 and hopefully off to Uni in September

DC2 has been on the whole extremely supportive of DC1 but sometimes feels eclipsed by their sibling and we have to make sure they get their own moments to shine

It doesn’t help that DC2 has most of the same conditions but is less affected and gets much less support (not from us) so I would just think of the impact on any other children in the family

Lillylikely · 17/01/2022 22:11

My friend did exactly this for her daughter, moved from state to public school and moved down a year. School have been fully supportive. It has been great for her. New School goes to 16 so will always be with same peers.

Warmduscher · 17/01/2022 22:16

@Goodnightpeach

Thanks all. So a lot hanging on how DC interprets the move.

I know she will be thrilled to be an older one in the year and that’s been a big bear throughout - being the last to turn 9 etc.

Those that have made the move successfully, how have your older children reconciled the move back a year?

I agree that the dyslexia will still be there and we’ll still have to supplement with home teaching etc but I do think being the eldest will give her a fighting chance

I would have thought the dyslexia would need specialist support rather than extra learning at home?

If she’s been assessed and diagnosed with dyslexia, SEND support should follow automatically through an IEP. Though I’m not sure how that’s managed in private schools.

D4c3 · 17/01/2022 22:20

@Dithercats

When my summer Born's went into private they redid year 6. Best decision I made 👌
Which month were they born in? I always wanted to do this
Caterinasballerinas · 17/01/2022 22:37

No personal experience of this type of move, just of the general worry about how to explain things to a child. I was wondering whether you could tell her the school does some things quite differently from her old school and they want her to know the things so want her to be with them for two years rather than just one if she started in year 6?

jimmyhill · 17/01/2022 22:47

Watch out for when she discovers, in Year 13, that she doesn't actually "have to" be there

Orange900 · 17/01/2022 22:51

I’m not sure how I’d frame it yet but I think if DC is happy, has friendships and is no longer struggling with English as much it would be worth the move

Couchpotato3 · 17/01/2022 22:57

I think your best bet is to find a new school that you like and then see what their view on it is. Their approach to the situation will give you a very good insight into their general suitability for your family. Clearly there are arguments for each approach. Maybe with the right support she would be able to continue with her current year group. I would take advice from the school that she is going to, once they have met and assessed her. Private schools vary a lot, so do look at several. They can be brilliant, but don't assume they are until you have seen for yourself - some are not very good at all. After all, they are run by people, and there is no magic fairy dust just because its an independent school! Good luck.

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