AIBU to think this was an inappropriate, almost mean gift?

[morrisy]

My friend asked me for my opinion on the birthday gift she received. I think it is odd and almost mean or insulting considering the context but said friends think it is perfectly fine and a healthy expression of sexuality, and that I'm too conservative and stuck up.

She received a sex toy a joint gift from her group of friends, not very close friends, they've only known each other for a few months.

Now, she's recently shot her shot with a few of her crushes and got rejected. The group of friends know about the situation, about her being distraught by it all and by her strong desire to be in a relationship.

Depends on how the group interacts … if they are very joking with one another at a push might be ok. But it does smack of a mean girl present

I got one from my parents x colleagues as I was always the single one back then. I was well happy with it haha

They offered it to her as a serious gift as help for her celibacy apparently.

Oh my gosh I wriote ex colleagues

Not parents

That’s a mean present

@lololololollll I did think that was a strange gift from your parents - a whole other thread

@lololololollll

Not parents

thank god!

If my friends clubbed together and gave me a vibrator I wouldn't be offended or annoyed (I'd quite like it tbh!) but I think it depends on relationship with them - we've been a group of 6 since high school and nothing is off limits.

Hmmm I have friends who would consider that a normal gift amongst friends so while it's fine for your friend to not like the gift, I don't think it's necessarily mean spirited. I guess it would depend on how these friends treat her generally and also how they interact with each other e.g would they buy such a gift for someone else in the group.

How often does she bring up the fact she wants a relationship? Maybe it's too much of her conversation focus and they're getting a bit bored of it.

Depends on the group. If they are a very light-hearted bunch OK. If the are a serious-minded, non-laughing, non-smiling group, then no. Can't really say on the info provided.

I’d think it was a laugh if I got it from friends tbh, and I’m single. That said, I know for a fact they wouldn’t be intending to be mean. If I was unsure of said friends, or if it was a group whilst at Uni or something, I might feel differently.

She needs to buzz away….. goodness me…. Lots of lady time will help missing that side of a relationship 🤣

Ooh this reminds me of a close friend who recently lost his mum, a gay man if that makes any difference.

Friend who with me was co-arranging a little care package for male friend, was very keen indeed on putting a sex toy in there for him.

I was thinking nice chocolate, books, bamboo socks, bath oil. Let him know we care with some treaty bits. She was thinking big plastic cock.

Thankfully I won the vote on that one

It’s the kind of present you would only give if you knew what the reaction would be.

As a general gift yes, it is massively inappropriate.

What is she distraught about? That's a very strong reaction.

I'd be buzzing if my friends clubbed together and bought me a decent vibrator

I think the context of their knowing about her relationship status and how distraught she is by it makes it mean. It’s not “close friends who know she’s in tune with her sexuality and loves masturbating buy her a new toy”. It’s “nee acquaintances saying ‘lol shame you can’t get any, have this as a substitute harhar’” – even if they have better intentions than that, that’s how it comes across. Intent doesn’t really matter here; they ought to have thought this through.

Signed, someone whose big much-hyped 30th gift from a friend was a self-help book called Why You Can’t Find Mr Right and it essentially boiled down to “you’re too picky love and you ain’t all that yourself, lower your standards fatty”.

YABU I’d personally prefer chocolates but if she isn’t having sex and wants to be then that’s the next best thing.

I think lots of friends give gifts like this. It’s meant to come from a good place.

@lololololollll

Not parents

Thank god for that!🤣🤣

May be well intentioned but I wouldn’t want friends to club together and buy me a vibrator if I hadn’t expressed interest in receiving one and/or didn’t know them well. Guess it depends how she feels about it.

What a shit present to receive.

Surely if she wanted a sex toy she could buy her own, I think her ‘friends’ are tacky.