Life at 40

[misssunshine4040]

Posting here for traffic.

I turned 40 last year and it sounds like a cliche but my life feels like I'm at a cross roads.
I have 2 grow up children and 1 young school age child.
I'm a single parent after freeing myself from a horrible abusive relationship. Been single 3 years now.

I have put on 3 stone in this time and never seem to have the motivation to lose it. I have a job that pays slightly above minimum wage and I unfortunately had to quit a course I loved due to the pandemic.
I live in a city that I don't want to be in anymore and really want a fresh start somewhere new, a new challenge and a chance to let go of the past instead of seeing bad memories everywhere I go.
I can't afford to buy and renting in my city is extortionate. I do keep applying for higher paying jobs.
I just want to be part of something worthwhile, part of a community and feel my life is worthwhile in greater sense than work, chores more work.

Any advice on turning a corner and rediscovering myself and what you would do in my shoes welcome :)

Well done for getting out of an abusive relationship. Can you get involved with volunteering work, charity shop perhaps? Meet new people and get some bargains to boot?

Could you/do you want to study part time? Could you do a professional qualification?

Have you got a hobby you want to get back into? Something you want to try?

I turned 40 last year, my kids are younger still but I'm ready to start doing things for ME again! (You can call me selfish, I am, and I'm the happiest I've probably ever been!)

Put yourself first. Do whatever you can. Try whatever comes your way. Make some opportunities happen. Volunteer, join in with local community events, post in local groups about the things you'd like to do but possibly can't afford (volunteer to help out at those events etc).

What's your thing, OP?

I would actually approach things slightly different to the previous replies. I was in a very violent relationship years ago, and also had an abusive childhood. When I was 40 I realised I was still holding onto a lot of trauma from both these things, that still years later had battered my self confidence.I prioritised counselling which was life changing for me. It helped build my confidence which in turn led to me losing the excess weight slowly and seeking out new volunteer opportunities. I now have a couple of voluntary roles which I enjoy enormously. I have lost over 3 stone in the past couple of years and still have 1/2 - 1 stone left which I will lose this year.
Delving into my lack of confidence etc has meant that I now practice true self care, which I think is really important. Not grabbing junk food when tired or stressed, but eating well, exercising regularly and taking time out for myself.
As an aside, the weight will help your long term health and not everyone in their 40s finds it easy. I am struggling massively with perimenopause which affects my energy, mood and means the weight is coming off painfully slowly compared with when in my 20s. My symptoms would be much more difficult to manage if I was still obese, so I would say the sooner the better for that as you never know what the future holds. I know a few people my age who are really struggling.
But above all, be kind to yourself and make sure you do things you enjoy. If you aren’t sure what that it, then try some things out and see if they are for you. 4 years ago at your age, I didn’t know who I was really and didn’t know what I wanted to do for fun. Counselling helped with some of that, but mostly I just tried things out.

Im not sure about studying again as I had give up a professional qualification during lock down and I don't want to comit to study again just now.

I'm not sure if volunteering in a charity shop is what I'm looking for.

I feel like I need a new career, a new city and a new start but not sure how to go about it with a low income and limited funds etc

To begin with start walking (or cycling.) Either join a walking group so you can meet new people and get fit. Or go alone. I am a loner. What I do to keep me motivated pick a place somewhere nice like a pretty village. But even cities have nice area worth exploring. I love history some anywhere for me full of history. Then research the area looking for interesting places to see or walking routes. I am to busy exploring I forget I am exercising Sometimes find a little cafe to treat myself. I find it gives me time to really think. You could try writing about your adventures.

Hobbies are wonderful things to have. There are so many things to try. Archery, canoeing, bowls, art, poetry and crafts gardening. Some brave ladies near me meet most days and go wild swimming in the sea. They are all ages and sizes and always look like they are having the time of there lives. What are your interests?

Community wise there are also sorts of voluntary things to take part in.

Learning how to grow veggies last year helped me a lot. Perhaps you could find a group of community growers. I know some grow for food banks so you'd be getting exercise and volunteering.

Thanks, lots of useful tips.
I think getting a hobby is a good start

What sort of career do you want? What kind of work do you enjoy? How far could you relocate?

I could relocate anywhere in the UK.

I would love London to be honest but the rents are the same as where I am now. Maybe I would more earning opportunities and lifestyles to choose from there though.
I work in hospitality at present.

You can get hospitality live in jobs anywhere. You can earn whilst you get a feel for an area and get established there. My friend is in her 40s and goes to a different place every year. You have a child at school that would complicate things. But perhaps something to try in a few years.

What about a nice hotel somewhere picturesque? Or do you want a busy vibe?

I wouldn't want or get a live in job with a child.
I want a home, somewhere I can build some roots and make a fresh start

@Huy456

What about a nice hotel somewhere picturesque? Or do you want a busy vibe?

Definitely busy, a city.

You say you keep applying for higher paying jobs, are you getting interviews? What feedback do they give you?

From what you say about looking for meaning and community, I wonder if you might enjoy working in the charitable sector. There are lots of jobs which don’t involve working in a shop. Find a cause you care about and research what charities work in that area, look at where they are located and the sorts of jobs they offer. If you work in hospitality you’ve got transferrable skills for any public/customer facing role.

I am getting interviews yes. I guess I'm non committed right now.
I like where I work but there is minimal scope
For progression in the near future.
I don't know, I think I just need a fresh outlook and somewhere new.
I just don't know how to afford it though and where I would go