AIBU to be absolutely furious that my previous employer refused to give me a reference

[Justmebeingme245]

A bit of background:
I worked for my previous employer for approximately 7 years (it was a preschool). During covid they tried to cut my hours from full time to 6 per week, I wasn’t happy with this and involved my union. The union stated that it was a breach of contract and they would have to give me my contracted hours back or make me redundant.
My manager(and company director)was furious, told me it would be my fault and I could explain it to the staff if we had to close down ( she swore at me a lot!)
I decided I didn’t want to deal with this bullying behaviour anymore and handed in my notice.
When I handed in my notice, the same manager contacted me requesting some web files (I had developed the preschool website on my own time because I was doing a degree in computer science at the time). I said she could have them if she paid me for them which she refused to do.
Now I’ve applied for teacher training (I’ve finished my degree) and I requested a reference from the preschool, which she rejected! I think she is actively trying to destroy my career before it even gets started, just because she doesn’t like me! What can I do? I’m so upset and angry! Am I being unreasonable to be so annoyed about this?

Can you get a reference from a colleague at the nursery instead? A room leader who worked with you or someone?

It’s hardly surprising that she refused to give you a reference when you both parted ways on bad terms.

Is there anyone else who could give you a reference?
What has the person said who requested the reference?

Offer to give the files for the website you see holding them to ransom for in return for a reference? Tbh whilst an annoying situation that part does seem a little unfair if you had already provided the work under a different agreement

Tell next employer about the story, you have the union determination that they acted unreasonably and therefore is pettiness on their behalf

Does the training place even need a reference, just use artistic license from a friendly professional is probably the quickest way through

I am not sure if it is legal or not to refuse to give a reference but under the circumstances do you really want one from her ?
I would look to your team leader / head of department / head master ( if there is such a thing ) failing them a precious employer and a couple of good character refs too

You can’t do anything to force them to give a reference. It’s not illegal for them to refuse.

I think maybe you were rather short-sighted in not giving the files to them - coupled with the dispute over hours etc you burned your bridges with that. But hindsight is a wonderful thing.

Can you get in touch with the manger/director personally and politely request that they give you just a standard ‘worked here from x date to x date’ reference? Explain sincerely that it would be greatly appreciated.

This is why it's never a good idea to part on bad terms if you can help it. They aren't obliged to give you a reference, unfortunately. Did you not contact them to ask about the reference before putting them down on the form? You might at least have been able to agree that they would provide confirmation of the dates worked.

I wouldn't have given her name as a referee to begin with to avoid this happening. Just ask someone at the preschool you are on better terms with.

You are in the right but she's obviously still angry and feels that she wouldn't be able to give you a fair and balanced reference. It might not just be out of spite.

There isn't much you can do, I'm sure they can legally refuse to give a reference.

To be honest, in that situation I wouldn't really have expected one, I agree you were in the right with the hours etc but you left on bad terms then refused to give them website files unless they paid for them - I don't know many who would give a reference in that situation

Thank you for your helpful responses. They’re much appreciated. I did contacted them prior to sending the reference request and they said they would help me and then rejected it straight away.
I guess I just hoped they would be professional. I worked hard for the preschool, doing overtime whenever requested and using my own money to buy resources etc. I spent about 3 months or so developing the website and thought I deserved to be compensated something for my time. I wasn’t holding the files to ransom, they belong to me. I have now asked an ex colleague who was my supervisor and left because of unfair treatment also. I just hope this doesn’t affect my future career plans :-(

Will the course you’ve applied to accept a different reference? It might be worth contacting Citizens Advice to find out the legal situation regarding references.

I'm currently getting references for teacher training, this doesn't matter at all. Get an academic reference, get a character reference. Ask your oldest friend, your neighbour, ask old teacher, another employer. It literally doesn't matter. It's only 500-600 words anyway. You can code to send out 5-6 reference requests and then use the best two.

This really isn't a drama.

@Boogaloony

I'm currently getting references for teacher training, this doesn't matter at all. Get an academic reference, get a character reference. Ask your oldest friend, your neighbour, ask old teacher, another employer. It literally doesn't matter. It's only 500-600 words anyway. You can code to send out 5-6 reference requests and then use the best two.

This really isn't a drama.

Thank you! I wondered if I was overreacting by being so annoyed about this. I think I just feel like I’ve been kicked in the teeth when I worked so hard for them. I also just stood there and let her eff and blind at me without retaliating at all (In hindsight - I wish I’d have told her to fuck off). I might need to be a bit more laid back about things! Thanks all for being the voice of reason!

I'm a Practitioner at a Preschool and have written references several times, so please do not worry about a reference from your manager.
When you get to interview stage be honest, most employees at Nurseries or Preschool move frequently and seven years definitely speaks more about you and your capabilities.
All the very best of luck.

You can still prove you worked there, P46, P60 and wage slips etc.
Then tell them what you've told us.

www.gov.uk/work-reference

Check your contract but as others have said get a reference from elsewhere and save yourself some stress.

As you are going to be working in schools and the job at the pre-school was with children she has to provide a reference on Safeguarding grounds. It need only say the dates you worked there.

I'd put the facts of the union involvement to the college that have been refused a reference about you, provide alternative references and I'm sure they'll understand - you've every right to refuse the files if they've not paid for the work so don't raise them. I'd also write to the preschool and union indicating you have been made aware that this individual has refused your reference. You don't have to take it up but I think the union probably want to keep it for the file on such a vindictive business, no doubt yours won't be the only case if they're trying to ignore contract and employment laws. Goidness nkows how she'd behave towards a child she was mad with.

For your first teaching job you will need a reference from University/ your provider and I would ask a class teacher from my placement school.

Have you seeked legal advice re constructive dismissal. I woyldnt let this go. What they did re hours is illegal. I say all this as an employer and a achool governor

@IWentAwayIStayedAway

Have you seeked legal advice re constructive dismissal. I woyldnt let this go. What they did re hours is illegal. I say all this as an employer and a achool governor

Thank you all so much for your advice. My old supervisor (who doesn’t work at that preschool anymore) has offered to give a reference and 2 of my uni tutors have also offered which is really great of them. I did consider the constructive dismissal claim, however, from what I can tell, you have to claim within 3 months of handing in your resignation and I’m past that cut-off point now.