Having a baby as a mature student

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Im 34 and a mature student in my second year of a four year degree which will lead into good career opportunities. Previous to starting my degree I was in a job in an industry I hated and this was my way out and so far I really enjoy it.

I got married two years just before beginning my degree. Before getting married my DH and I spoke about children and that we would like to start a family. We agreed I would take a break somewhere in my degree to have a baby.

Family and friends who we have spoken to are very much divided on the subject with some thinking I should finish before and others have thinking we should go for it.

I now wish we had kept out plans to ourselves as I have a lot of doubt about starting a family before finishing my degree and some family members are very forceful about there feelings.

We own our own home, we have savings and I’m in the lucky position my partner would be able to do a lot of childcare. If I was younger I would have waited till I finished my degree but I would like to have more than one child. I also think we could do it and be okay although I am aware it would be very difficult.

AIBU to think we could start a family mid way through my degree?

I think, if you have childcare available, it is better to have a child during your degree. Or wait until you have a job after finishing your degree, especially if you are hoping for a part time job.

It depends on how supportive your Dh is, how hands on he's going to be and if he'll truly share the load. No-one can predict what sort of baby you will get, what sort of birth you will have, PND etc. Could you have a fertility check? Realistically it would only mean delaying just over a year. You could be pregnant as you finish.

Go for it. Do your uni pay towards childcare fees? I started TTC in 2nd year of uni. Unfortunately, I'm still trying now and I'm coming to the end of my course. Based on my experience, in case it does take longer than expected, I would start now.

I did this and had to leave my course.

Placement was to be repeated in 3year but I couldn't graduate with my year group because I still owed placement. By that point I had a newborn and a couple of resits to do in 3rd year because i had a difficult pregnancy and didn't pass the exam in second year. It was stressful.

I found uni to be really quite unsupportive of my pregnancy. My consultant appointments fell on a Wednesday and that was my busiest class day at uni. They asked me to go a different day which wasn't possible because that was when the clinic was ran.

From my own experience, I wouldn't recommend. Finish your degree or leave to have the baby and go back when you have childcare.

I would finish the degree. Pregnancy, birth and babies are so unpredictable. You cannot rely on your partner providing childcare either - saying they will do it and then actually doing it is a gamble.

How do you see your job opportunities panning out with children in the mix?

Go for it. I was 34 when pregnant with my first. Any later we would really have had to get on with having another quite quickly afterwards.

Also fertility takes a dip at 35 and your risk of conditions like Down syndrome increase massively with every year you wait.

You might find studying with a baby difficult or even impossible but what will you regret more? Not having a degree because of your baby or not having a baby because of your degree?

@GinIronic - that’s a bit harsh on her partner! Not once has my Dh ever promised to do something important and then not done it. The baby is just as much his responsibility as it is hers and hopefully if there was any sniff he didn’t think so then OP would be running for the hills

I had a baby in the middle of my MSc. Uni were very supportive and I went back after my "interruption of studies"/mat leave when he was 5 months old.

It was 2020 so all my dissertation tutorials were on zoom anyway.
I think it might be tricky if you have placements to go on but if you just have essays/a dissertation to write up it is doable. I worked a bit in the evenings and then once we were allowed in each others houses again (July 2020?) I'd go to my DMs and work from her spare room while she watched DS2 downstairs.

Thank you for your responses. Lots to think about.

My husband is pretty hands on generally and I’m certain he would be with a baby. We are fortunate that in the event my husband could not take on childcare we could pay for it. More if his work schedule changed, he’s very good at sticking to his word.