AIBU not telling my OH about my MH issues?

[Laila747]

Hi,
I’d spent the last few weeks since Christmas trying to find the right words to tell my OH I’m struggling. Really struggling. To the point that nothing really seems interesting anymore, I don’t look forward to anything, I have no motivation to do anything.
I have a appointment booked to see my GP on Thursday.
I’d literally just got it clear in my head how to word it all, as I’m petrified he might blame himself or think that it’s him that’s caused these feelings, when it’s not. He is wonderful, generous, caring, loving and supportive….
Then my lovely DSD came to us to tell us she’d been to see her GP, was struggling with her MH and wondered if she could move back in with us for some extra support, which of course was no problem and she came back home last week.

It’s been hard, I must admit…I’m trying to put a brave face on and stay upbeat for them, and our other DC but now I’d feel so selfish dumping my issues on my OH. I don’t want it to feel like I’m competing with DSD for sympathy or help.

So what do I do? Tell my OH and have him worrying about both of us or suck it up, get to the GP on Thursday and hope I can tackle this on my own??

Thanks for any help

Tell him. Get as much support as you can. It's a horrible place to be on your own

Personally I would want to tell my OH (if I had one) I’m a believer that being fully open and honest is the way forward

Do you not think that he should be focusing his support on his DD atm and not worrying about me though? I don’t want to overload him with too much and make him Ill with stress.

Sorry you're having a rough time.

If you don't communicate with him won't he notice something is amiss anyway and assume it's because you are struggling having his daughter there?

@Laila747

Do you not think that he should be focusing his support on his DD atm and not worrying about me though? I don’t want to overload him with too much and make him Ill with stress.

I see your point, yes he should be focusing his support on DD but he can support DD whilst being aware of your struggles. You don’t have to tell him a lot I guess, if you are worried about overloading on him, just something like, “I am trying my best, I know we both are, but find myself stressed sometimes… I’m sure we will get through this together”

I’m a master at concealing my emotions…I’ve always been able to put on a ‘brave face’ I’m a product, unfortunately, of a father that had a short temper and no sympathy so I always plastered on a smile and kept going. So I don’t think he’d really notice, this is why I feel like if I can manage it myself it will relieve some of the pressure from him.

Could you let him read this? You explain it beautifully and he can have some space to process too. I personally do think that as a parent I would feel like I needed to prioritise my child (regardless of age) over my partner- but would want to support them both, but I could see how it could feel overwhelming to have both unwell at once and feel somehow to blame and lash out perhaps.
If you could speak with your SD too she might be pleased to not be the only one struggling and perhaps you could offer to work together to carve out something nice like a walk with no pressures or some space to reflect on your week together or watch a nice film.
I hope you get some good support from the GP too, good luck.

@Kooksadooks

That’s a good idea. I’d always planned to get it all off my chest but maybe just letting him know that I’m not quite right atm would be best. I’d hate for him or DSD to think it was because she’s moved back because it really isn’t. She’s a lovely girl, very helpful and caring.

I think it will help you to talk to him about it. Lots of people are struggling at the moment so it not surprising that you and his dd are both needing support at once.

Tell him. Relationships are about being open and honest and supporting each other. They're not about pretending you're fine and struggling along on your own.

Tell him .

He will want to know so that he can support you. It’s lovely that you’re thinking so much about him and your DSD’s needs, but your mental health matters too and you deserve to have support.

If it makes you feel any better, it’s likely to be helpful for your DSD to know that adults she trusts can struggle with their mental health too (not that you have to tell her, but if you felt that you wanted your family to be aware).

Take care OP x.

Another vote for telling him. You might not be as great at hiding your emotions as you think, and your DP could be quietly worrying about you anyway. Your DSD might find comfort and solidarity knowing that she isn't the only one going through things. You need as much support as you can get at the moment. If your DP can only really manage to support one of you, he can of course prioritise his daughter, but being aware of your situation too should mean that he won't drop extra things onto you.

@LowlyTheWorm

Thankyou so much. I hadn’t thought about talking to my dsd. I suppose letting her in to my world a little bit may help her feel less alone.
Maybe it’s best to see what the GP has to say on Thursday and go from there.

Thankyou everyone for taking the time to reply. I sadly don’t have many people in RL that I can talk to so it’s nice to know there are people that will take the time to listen and help.

Think about it this way, if the roles were reversed wouldn't you want to know? So you could do your best to help?
You should tell him. I hope you feel better soon.