to expect a bigger email

[needmorecoffee]

dd (15) and living elsewhere, after months of no contact finally emailed me today. I'd sent her a card and some cash which she was given yesterday.
And after months of nothing just got a 'thankyou for the present hope you had a nice Xmas' possibly dictated by MIL
AIBU to expect a bit more after 15 years of being a mother or to want to shriek, actually, no, we had a shit Xmas because one of my children wasn't there and I feel my heart is broken in little bits and I don't know what I've done to make you run away or punish me in this way.
Feeling hurt and despiar but also anger. Is that reasonable?

YANBU

Hurt, despair, anger, all facets of love. for you

NO.. not unreasonable on your part at all.. Teenagers live in a weird paralell universe where adults are not considered to have feelings and emotions. We are but suppliers of money and stuff.

She's normal then? Or maybe she does hate me. I'm trying not to fire off pointless angry email but sometimes I wish she could understand how much I'm hurting.

Not a Mum of a teenager, but yanbu. However, can you take a deep breath and see her note as the door being cracked slightly open after so many months of being firmly shut? She probably senses that you are hurt/upset etc, and even if she wants to do something about it (and she may not yet, tbh), she probably doesn't know where to begin.

If you can, I'd respond with a brief but loving "good to hear from you, hope you had a lovely Christmas, we missed you and would love to see you when you're ready" sort of note. Don't assume the role of martyr or 'the wronged party', and try not to make her feel guilty, though lord knows she may deserve it.

Good luck - must be incredibly sad and difficult - especially at this time of year.

Absolutely normal, needmore. She is at your MIls? Did I read that correctly? So somewhere safe at least.

Please don't fire off any angry email, there is no point because teeenagers have no empathy button. I know this becasue I was one once, not being faceitious, I was just horrible to my parents.

Vent here and be calm and relaxed (yeah, right) in RL if you can.

HTH

MIL had said she would make her write a thankyou email which I didn't want her to do. I'd rather a genuine one but of course might be waiting years
Its just hard and so many complicating factors so I blame myself. I was so busy with dd2 who nearly died several times, spent weeks in hozzie and is severely disabled and has epilepsy that I wasn't the sort of mum she wanted.
I so want to change things and make it up to her but she wont let me, says she hates me, that we emotionally abused her (by not letting her go to the sort of parties that were 'at this guy's house but I don't know where he lives or who he is...' and making her pick up after herself). Only time she contacted me this year was by IM when she wanted to go to a party at a house I'd banned her from (the mother buys booze for children) and she was all nicey-nicey and promised to keep in touch and talk to me on IM and send emails. Went to a party and not a word since.