Am I being unreasonable?!

[Charlotte98764]

Hi,

I moved out with my boyfriend a year ago, we both contribute towards the bills, mortgage etc although he puts slightly more in but not a lot considering his wages are more than double mine.

We both work full time jobs Monday to Friday.

He has never put on a single load of washing, cleaned the house, changed bedsheets, rarely takes the rubbish out and sometimes makes dinner. Basically rarely does any housework.

He thinks because he puts more money in he shouldn’t have to and because his dad never did it. I get told all that I ever do is moan and that his mum never did when I bring up the point that I need help.

There’s been times when I have been completely exhausted and he can see that but rarely offers to help. When he does he says he’ll do it tomorrow but that never happens.

He did say that we should get a cleaner but that’s additional expenses and doesn’t solve laundry and day to day tidying! He also says that I should just ask but I don’t want to have to ask.

Am I being unreasonable ?!

that I need help

You are unreasonable living with this lazy twat. You are also unreasonable thinking that if he does anything, he's helping you. He's a grown man and he should be clearing up half the shit in the house without you asking him.

You can do better love.

Surely you know that you are not being unreasonable.

Sorry but I think YABU because you’re putting up with it. You’re not his mum, what an odd comparison for him to make. If he would prefer to pay for a cleaner than clean himself, then that’s not a problem surely? Why on Earth are you doing his washing if he’s never done yours?

So you are contributing the same (more or less) he has way more fun money than you and way more time.

You know yanbu but is this what you want your life to be as I assure you he won’t change.

I think you know your not being unreasonable.

I would actually spin this round on him.
You will starting contributing less to the payments because your basically a housekeeper/mum and it's not fair paying as much and doing it all

Time to give this one back to his mother and move on. He will never change as he doesn't see why he should.

When DH and I first moved in together we listed out all the household chores and divided them between us based on ability and interest. He's very clean and tidy so he used to do all cleaning and I'd do all cooking. I'd do laundry he'd do bins etc. We also agreed certain 'rules' to help each other with our jobs. I had to put away worn but clean clothes and tidy up after myself. He had to give me 2 days notice if he wanted something particular to be washed. He had to tell me before eating something out the fridge in case I needed it for a dinner etc.

As time has gone on we've reassessed this division based on circumstance. I'm a SAHP now so I do the cleaning etc but the 'rules' are still in place and he still does his fair share of parenting and house hold chores.

Before you move in have this chat. Head off these issues before they start.

Why are you putting up with this? Throw the whole
Man back. Otherwise in 5 years you’ll be on here, having given up your job, moaning about how your husband does nothing about the house and you’re left with the kids all the time.

That’s why it’s good to live with someone before committing to marriage/children. He is not a keeper.

This is the kind of behaviour that makes a fanny slam shut.

You must be feeling the effect of running around after the lord of the manor on your libido already, surely?

I think your BF should definitely do more and/or to for a cleaner but some people do work better with clear instructions or discussion about division of labour and just aren’t very good at picking up clues or being imaginative about what needs doing. When I was still living at home as an adult I could be a bit like that, which brings me to another point - is he under-confident about doing things right or to your satisfaction?
On the other hand maybe he is just of the school of thought that housework is for women! You say that his DF never helped his DM but did she work outside the home as you do? If not, it would probably be reasonable for her to do most of the housework (although not necessarily all of it)!