I feel that my friend is overstepping my boundaries.

[helbel34]

Hi I've had a friend for the past 10 years, we met when our girls where at baby group.

I've been off work since my youngest daughter was born 2 years ago. My friend was a carer for her partner due to his health issues.

My friend pops up to my house almost every day can sometimes be twice a day, almost always unannounced eg no invertation or prior phone call. This can be quite akward as your not always guest ready, or in the middle of doing something or going out.

My youngest daughter doesn't sleep well, we often up most of the night, my oldest daughter has been diagnosed as autistic and can be quite a handful expecialy in the mornings getting her out to school. I often go back to bed for a couple of hours with my youngest when my oldest gets picked up.

My friend pops in she'll make comments to me like, are you not dressed, your lazy still sleeping at this time ect. She is aware of the struggles I have with sleep ect. This has been going on for a while.

My problem is that I feel really quite intruded on at times, it's not like I've made arrangements for her to visit.

Late last year her partner passed away and feel that I don't know how to approach this with her. I know that I'm going to have to as I feel like I'm going to blow and I don't want that.

@Santahasjoinedww

I had a similar friend. Her dh was jailed. She stayed during dc's tea time. And bathtime.. And bedtime came and she still sat there with her 2 dc. She lived across the street!! Daily visits.

How did you resolve this?

@SynchroSwimmer

There is an online support organisation that you can suggest to your friend - WAY, Widowed And Young which she might find helpful.

Having been in your fdiends situation, I think having a chat with her about boundaries so soon after bereavement would be devastating for her.

instead, I would suggest “managing” the issue, to subtly reeducate her way of thinking - as in “I won’t be able to see you tomorrow, but shall we go for a coffee the day after” and pin it down to specific dates and times.

There is currently a good thread over on Gransnet with a similar issue - and other helpful replies

I agree with this approach

To OP, I say YABVU to let this go on for TEN YEARS and then suddenly let your friend down when she needs you most

Thanks again for all the suggestions. If think the young and widowed group sounds like a good idea.

Like I said it's only really being over the last 2 years, even when her partner was alive. Before that I was working full time.

I did the mm trick!! Had coats ready and went out a few times! Then made an afternoon a week we went to her house. Easier to cut short any visiting then!

Irrespective of what her circumstances are, I could not tolerate such an intrusion in my home.

Her comments are very rude.

I think you need to stop answering your door and put a lock on your gate.

I'm afraid people walking in to your home without knocking is appallingly rude.

Unfortunately with people like this you have to be blunt. Firm but kind.

She's doing it because she can.