Family holiday with new girlfriend kids have never met?

[rushingallday]

Hi

My ex DH announced today that he is going to book a week's holiday in June abroad this yr for my 3 DC with his girlfriend and her 2 DC.

He has been seeing her for 5 mths. He's met her kids (11 & 5 yrs) once for 5 mins, he has said. She's never met mine. He has also never mentioned that he has a girlfriend to my DC.

I'm aware that he'll have to do some serious introducing of families to each other beforehand soon and there's a fair bit of time to do that but AIBU to think this is unnecessarily putting a burden on them to be ok with each other?

My 3 DC have never been abroad with me. Never been a plane etc. 8, 10 and 12 yr olds.

They'll cope but why can't he just leave them to get to know her & her 2 DCs first without the pressure of a week's holidaying in the summer?

We've been separated & divorced for a while now. I've really slowly introduced my DC to my boyfriend over the past 2 yrs. Taken our time to not upset them and make them feel comfortable. They met him only after a yr of us being together. We've not been on holiday.

They've never met her and he's never mentioned them to her. Now it feels to me that he's going to have to integrate them on a fast forwarded pace in order for this to work.

Aibu to think he should do this and just let things blend slowly without this deadline?

It makes no odds to the situation but I divorced him on account of him using prostitutes throughout our marriage. He's an absolute arsehole. His girlfriend isn't an OW. I think he met her on OD.

I'm annoyed.

YANBU, it does seem soon.

Will they be off school in June?

Or is it end of June?

Have you told him you think it’s too soon?

Sounds ridiculous to me, and it very well might go tits up for him.

Still, I'd keep quiet and just smile and nod at his stupid plans. Ultimately he's allowed to bring girlfriends on holiday with his kids if he really wants to, even if they hardly know each other. If the kids have a shit time then they'll probably say "no thanks" the next time he tries to book something.

My Dad found a new partner very quickly after my mum kicked him out. She was suddenly there. Always there. I don't think I spent quality time alone with my Dad ever again. I don't bother with him much as an adult.

Well he needs your permission to take them abroad as you both have parental responsibility. If you're not happy and don't think it's the right thing for them you can refuse. It's up to you how much you think they'll enjoy it.
He could apply for an order allowing him to go if he wants to go that far but in the circumstances your objection seems fair if they've not even met her.
Difficult as they might meet her, like her and be keen to go on holiday but you don't know any of that yet.

YANBU That's a lot for your dc to take on no gf to their knowledge to holiday with her and her dc too.

I think it’s a bit unfair for stopping them going on holiday when they’ve never been abroad, I’m sure they will have plenty of time to meet her between now and June that’s 5 months!

Sorry, I've just seen that you said the holiday is abroad.

So technically you could say no to the kids going and he'd have to lump it.

I wouldn't go down that road unless there was an extremely compelling reason to refuse. This opens the door for him to tell them that he's desperate to take them on a lovely holiday but mum is being horrible and stopping him.

I'm not planning on stopping him. I dare say they'll have a nice time once they get to know each other. But it just seems unnecessarily quick. Couldn't he wait until next summer?

He'll have to get passports for them - at his own cost, no way I'm contributing. But that's kind of beside the point.

When we were together, we never had the money for an abroad holiday. Or even one in the UK. The kids & I have never had a getaway. That's not the point, I know. I do hate him.

"Burden"
"Pressure"

???

I'm pretty sure that most 8, 10, and 12 yr olds will be really excited at the prospect of going on a plane, and on going abroad, and on going on a nice holiday with their Dad.

Would you feel differently if he said he'd booked a week away with a mate and the mate's 2 dc, so he had adult company whilst treating the dc to a holiday ?

I feel so sorry for children who have shit parents.

By the holiday he would have known her almost a year, Like I said they have plenty of time to meet her before June

Yes, I'd feel a bit differently as it'd be a different dynamic. But I'd still want them to feel comfortable with those they went away with, obviously.

Me too