I know I'm being unreasonable and selfish but ...

[oldandscunnered]

It was my birthday yesterday. I lost my brother very suddenly five years ago - I have long since passed the age he was when he died. People always say the worst things are the person's birthday, Christmas, the anniversary etc. but the worst for me is my birthday. The birthday card I will never receive again, the message or phone call, the wee bunch of flowers. Does anyone else feel like this?

I think loads of people can relate. What is unreasonable or selfish about your feelings?

Why would you be unreasonable or selfish? There's no time limit on grief, be kind to yourself and remember your brother in whichever ways feel fitting for you.

I think it’s understandable on a birthday to think about the people that you love and your relationship with them. Of course on a birthday you would feel the absence.

Happy birthday OP x

One thing I miss about the loved ones I’ve lost on my birthday are the cards and lovely messages, and the time they spent with me around key dates in the diary. There is selfish. It’s human. Grief never goes but eases. Birthdays can be hard. Take care of yourself.

I’m sorry you lost your brother OP 😞

Yes I can understand. I lost my mum last year and my birthday this week was hard. I thought about her a lot and really missed her.

I found Christmas ok tbh. I have young kids so was really busy.

I cry every year when I get a card from my SIL which hasn’t got my brothers name in it. He died 13 years ago. I get a sick feeling when I see the writing on the envelope and I think I always will

I just get an anxious feeling on my birthday that lasts all day but I am fine today. I am not as bad on his birthday or the anniversary of his death weirdly. I also really get upset when it is my sons' birthdays and no cards appear . He always put a £10 not in their card. Weirdly enough a few months after he had died we were all out for a day out in Glasgow - I hadn't had my purse out all day but a man tapped me on the shoulder to say I had dropped £10 - well that was me sobbing!