How can I get my life back on track?

[Ste23321]

I’m very unhappy. I hate my job (planning on leaving in a few months). I’m overweight by 3 stones. I’ve tried all kinds of diets - keto, slimming world, weight watchers, healthy eating/clean eating, slim fast etc. I’m always on edge and shouting at my kids and husband. My house is always a mess. I can’t find even matching socks for my kids at times. I’m feeling really low. Have my notice to leave yesterday and boss doesn’t want me to leave as I work so hard. Maybe I put all my energy into work abs have none left for other areas. I’ve destroyed my friendships as I have no energy to maintain them. Please help me.

*gave my notice

Why did you give notice? Do you have another job to go to?

Changes need to be made thats for sure, systems put in place but you will need to plan before you do anything because otherwise it'll feel like pissing in the wind.

I would very much like to recommend the following books in this order:
How to do everything and be happy by peter jones.
The life changing magic of tidying by marie kondo.
The organised mum

How much of the house stuff falls to you?

Have you ever looked into ADHD in women?

Thank you both. I don’t need to worry about work ands I can get a job paying more but much less stress. Where I live there’s a huge demand for my profession especially now with covid.

In terms of ADHD I’m really organised at work and I’m known to be the one whose on top of everything. Issue is I have no time left in my personal life as work eats up my energy. It’s only since I’ve had kids I’ve been like this.

Where women mostly used to look after the kids and home now we often try to do that while also working, and trying to stay fit and attractive too. Not to forget maintaining social lives. It's not surprising it's hard to measure up to the standards we set ourselves.

Cut yourself some slack. Everything you have on your plate is tough. I think if you mentally lowered your standards from perfection you would feel better.

What can you do to cut corners/get others to help you. E.g. the socks - get a few multipacks of identical socks. If people in your family can wear the same even better.

You want to lose weight but you are also fine as you are so I would try to concentrate on doing an activity that you actually like - like a walk/swimming or any sport and eating some healthy meals that you like e.g. a stir fry, fish etc rather than weight loss. You have too much on to be hungry and miserable.

Ok so recently I felt overwhelmed with various bits of life…

1. I carved out at least an hour every day of me time, where I didn’t have anyone peck at me / chase me for stuff. I tend to work hard then have people throw loads of work at me, then want to burn out. So now I have time to myself, do whatever I want.

1. After two weeks of that, I made a list of what to change. NOT a final plan of how to solve it - but what was causing me pain. You seem to know already!

1. Then gradually plan. Each of weight loss, family, jobs - these are standard things that can stress us, but it will take time to think how best to improve things, and keep an open mind and be flexible as it might change along the way. Find people you really trust, and ask them for wisdom.

1. Start making changes gradually, be kind to yourself, have others (partner?) hold you to account gently to ensure you are trying to make a change. ONLY start making changes when you actually really want to - otherwise won’t feel positive.

1. Have some inspiration - anyone in real life or online where you admire them, to aspire to an end goal? Not a “perfect” person but someone who’s been through it before, where you can see real progress?

Don’t feel swamped! You can do it, bit by bit :)

I know it sounds trite but how you talk to yourself makes a massive difference. If you are using catastrophic words, absolutes, shoulds, perfectionist thoughts, martyr or victim thinking etc - you are winding yourself up without realising. It’s death by a thousand cuts.

Anything you can do to reframe it to tone the stress down will help