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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Age to leave child for 1.5h

29 replies

HappySM1 · 14/01/2022 17:02

My DD is 8. I am a single and lone parent, no family close by etc.

I do a hobby which takes me out of the house on Friday from 7 till 8.30pm. I take my DD with me.

She has asked me at what age I would consider leaving her at home by herself.

I said I would not even consider it before she is 10.

I have no sense of what a 10 yo is like, it was just a number I picked which was far enough away to put it firmly in the future, but not too far to make it seem like a life time to her.

I would be about 3 miles away (5 mins in car).

Was my guess realistic? What do people with 10 year old think?

My DD is generally a very mature child. She has been trained since the age of 2 to be able to dial 999, get help in an emergency, safety issues etc, as I am a single person and always worried what would happen if I fell down the stairs and nobody knew! She also doesn't open the front door without me being there and knows how to lock and unlock the doors if she needed to in a fire. By age 10, I would assume she would have more maturity and life skills.

OP posts:

Original poster

HappySM1 · 14/01/2022 17:04

Sorry forgot to add:

YABU - a mature 10 year should be fine
YANBU - way too young!

OP posts:

Pearlpink · 14/01/2022 17:06

At that time of night I'd say the youngest age would be 11/12 definitely when your daughter is at high school. If it was earlier in the day I say it would be fine but in winter it is dark early.

MrMistoffee · 14/01/2022 17:08

My ten year old is happy to be left for that long during the day but not at night.

Hedonism · 14/01/2022 17:10

I wouldn't leave my 11yo for that long at that time of night, especially when it is dark.

JaninaDuszejko · 14/01/2022 17:12

It's not completely unreasonable to leave a 10yo at that age for that long but I'd prefer to wait until secondary school age so 11+. Would she have someone close by who she could contact (a neighbour or friend) if she needed help with anything?

BlueSky8 · 14/01/2022 17:12

Night times differ quite a lot to through the day tbh.

What is the hobby?
Is it at a centre where there's currently other things going on that might interest her?

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 14/01/2022 17:13

I help run a youth club for ages 8-10 from 5.30-7pmMy eldest DD has just aged out of the group. The general presumption from all the adults was shed continue to come until Secondary school at least, and as long as she wants after that.

Her current thoughts is summer will be OK, but not winter when its dark out.

WoodenReindeer · 14/01/2022 17:18

No way would I leave a 10 year old in the evening!!!!

WoodenReindeer · 14/01/2022 17:18

I would leave my 12 year old an hour in the day but again not in the evening...

negomi90 · 14/01/2022 17:19

Agree with everything said here, but would add it depends on what your hobby is.
Crafting - where you can have your phone next to you and answer if she calls would get a difference response to swimming where you can't be contacted easily.
Even crafting would not be until senior age at the earliest.

MaizeAmaze · 14/01/2022 17:20

At a point when her bedtime is after 8.30 and in several years time.
I wouldn't leave my 10 Yr old for that period currently because it's too late for him. I would leave him for an hour in the middle of the day.
I would leave my 12 Yr old if he was happy.

hibbledibble · 14/01/2022 17:24

I think 10 is perfectly fine, as long as she is happy and mature enough. Do you have a neighbour she could go to in case of an emergency?

MyDcAreMarvel · 14/01/2022 17:26

High school in the evening aged 12.

CheshireSuburbs · 14/01/2022 17:27

Im a single parent, i get your frustration at not being able to do anything much in the eve for yourself and i understand that quite often children in our types of set up are fairly responsible and more independent at a younger age, but i still think 8 is too young. I have a 9 yo and whilst i might leave them for 5 mins to eg drop something off whilst they are glued to the tv...1.5hrs would be a definte no.

Svara · 14/01/2022 17:30

8 in summer so it's light at that time, 10 if it's dark

Original poster

HappySM1 · 14/01/2022 17:30

I am singing in a choir, so could keep an eye on phone.

I think the cut off to secondary school is a great milestone to pass. I hadn't even thought that far.

Clearly I would only leave her if she is happy to be left. At the moment, I think she thinks it might be hugely exciting, but might feel differently if actually left.

Yes, neighbours could be put on alert.

Would your opinion change if a little friend was with her? Just out of interest.

OP posts:

devildeepbluesea · 14/01/2022 17:30

I’d probably leave DD aged 10 for that long.

Looubylou · 14/01/2022 17:31

I think if it's dark, it makes a big difference. I can remember, as a younger teenager, being spooked a few times by noises outside in the dark. My year 6 (11)used to be happy to be left 20mins at age 9 , when I dropped my partner off somewhere at 7pm. Since our dog died, he wants to come. The dog obviously gave him confidence, despite being deaf, nearly blind and almost 17 😂90 mins is a long time for a 10 year old.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 14/01/2022 17:34

In the dark, not until at least 11 or 12 years old - secondary aged, basically. During the day, I would say year 6 should be fine, so aged 10 or 11.

2bazookas · 14/01/2022 17:35

Too long, too late, and too far away.

I'd leave a 10 yr old alone in the house for an hour while I was next door, but not if I was 3 miles away.

She is a child, and a child does not have the judgement or experience to recognise the techniques of a determined confidence trickster to persuade her to open the door. You only have to read MN to see plenty of adults too gullible to spot a well-told lie.

Hedonism · 14/01/2022 17:36

Would your opinion change if a little friend was with her?

Yes, I'd be much less likely to leave a child with a friend!

It does depend so much on the child, the neighbourhood, whether you know the neighbours...

lanthanum · 14/01/2022 17:36

I'd be saying at least secondary age, and preferably having got used to being alone that long when it isn't dark.

I think I'd probably say the same for having a friend with her - and you'd need to be sure that friend's parent is happy too. If friend lives two doors up the road and their parent is on call, I might say a bit earlier - but actually it might just be better if she went round to the friend's house. After-dinner playdates become more of an option as they get older. I did some choir practices where I dropped DD to her friend's on the way and picked her up on the way back, and that worked fine.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 14/01/2022 17:37

Would your opinion change if a little friend was with her? Just out of interest.

TBH, with a friend I'd say even older than alone, as two friends of the same age can get up to all sorts of trouble that they wouldn't get upto alone or was that just me

Arnia · 14/01/2022 17:38

I'd say about 12 personally.

Bluetrews25 · 14/01/2022 17:40

When my DC were 11 they were taking themselves on the bus to and from school.
If they are sensible enough to do that, surely they are sensible enough to be in their bedroom for 90 mins in the evening watching telly / reading / whatever? Probably less chance of getting into mischief alone than with a friend - young bravado could lead to silly choices.
Can you do trial runs building up to that closer to the time?

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