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AIBU?

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Original poster

Claiming universal credits whilst co habiting with husband?

45 replies

WorriedWilma123 · 14/01/2022 14:10

Posted here for traffic
Is this something that’s really difficult as so many different people from UC have given me different advice.
Some say it’s fine as long as happy for a compliance officer to check separate rooms etc - some say as still married it’s not possible until divorced, others say something else entirely.
Feel like I’m completely going around in circles - anyone been here before?
Was it a complete nightmare?

OP posts:
Urthie · 15/01/2022 13:22

What will you be claiming UC for?

As in which parts of it…

You will have to say you live with someone, and if he pays for the kids you can’t claim for them unless you are under the joint threshold

Urthie · 15/01/2022 13:23

Oh and they will ask for bank statements in most cases I’m afraid - so he can’t be seen to be transferring you money before hand unless it’s a one of gift

Original poster
WorriedWilma123 · 15/01/2022 14:00

I’ve declared him here and on the tenancy and sent proof of that
The elements are single person, housing ( for my 50% share ) children and children and childcare based on everything I’ve given them
The money has always just been enough for bills and says “ Bills “ on the bank statements.
He will be able to stop paying the bills when I can though he obviously

OP posts:
BurscoughBooths · 15/01/2022 14:03

@WorriedWilma123

He won’t be transferring a penny once the UC starts - that’s the whole point! He rightly doesn’t want to pay for my share of anything at all
I don’t understand - why won’t he be contributing to the costs of his children?
Original poster
WorriedWilma123 · 15/01/2022 14:19

Of course he will be contributing to the costs of the children but he too is on a fairly low wage so once he pays for all of his share of stuff for the house, food for him and the children / childcare there is nothing extra left!

OP posts:
OverTheRubicon · 15/01/2022 14:39

Your husband appears set to do pretty well out of this, courtesy of the tax payer. No changes in your actual outgoings but he's going to have an extra £500 he doesn't need to spend each month, due to your UC. Are you still doing his cooking? Are you able to see (and sleep with) other people? It may be legal but feels pretty sketchy to me.

Original poster
WorriedWilma123 · 15/01/2022 16:28

This has happened because I’ve realised I’m gay.
There is someone else on my side.
Definitely 100% over and has been for almost a year.
Last june was when we sat and told the kids / families etc so it’s been 8 months now of living completely apart.
He does his washing and I do mine and the kids.
He does his cooking and I do mine and the kids.
If he happens to be cooking a Sunday dinner for instance this is when I will go out to see partner and he eats with the kids.
Absolutely nothing being done together at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
WorriedWilma123 · 15/01/2022 16:30

I agree in principle that he will be better off than he was to start with but what can I do about that?
As he says, he shouldn’t be paying for my share of the rent or bills seeing as I have ended the relationship - I can’t really say that’s unreasonable!
I wish I had a higher income job and didn’t need to go through all this hassle of UC to make things fair but I don’t so don’t really have a choice at this moment in time until the children don’t need as much childcare.

OP posts:
OverTheRubicon · 15/01/2022 18:38

@WorriedWilma123

I agree in principle that he will be better off than he was to start with but what can I do about that? As he says, he shouldn’t be paying for my share of the rent or bills seeing as I have ended the relationship - I can’t really say that’s unreasonable! I wish I had a higher income job and didn’t need to go through all this hassle of UC to make things fair but I don’t so don’t really have a choice at this moment in time until the children don’t need as much childcare.
Why is all the cooking and washing for the kids down to you? If you were living apart he would be responsible for up to 50/50 care, or almost certainly a few nights a week and quite a bit of cooking and washing. He'd also have to provide space for the kids, childcare on his days when working etc.

A divorce wouldn't be hard, and could considerably clarify things. In any case, I think that of you are going to be agreeing maintenance etc you also need to agree a proper co-parenting agreement, including shared responsibility for childcare and allocated days, nights and school holiday weeks. It will enable you to consider a wider range of jobs, and actually move.

GirlInACountrySong · 15/01/2022 19:01

I don't think you will get a single parent reduction on council tax .... there's 2 working adults

Also, he pays for the kids food... yet you 'cook for yourself and the kids'?

Original poster
WorriedWilma123 · 15/01/2022 19:29

I haven’t applied for the single persons council tax as assumed that would be a no.
Yes because I’m at home from 4 and the kids are hungry not long after - he doesn’t get home until 7 so then does his own meal.
I agree re the washing however again I usually do the kids uniforms and my work stuff between 4-5 when in from work and school so it’s done so I can relax after I’ve done the dinner.
Childcare is a problem as he has a completely random 2 days off per week, they’re never the same so it’s a nightmare to try and find myself an alternate job to a school one that fits hence why I went for it years ago when the eldest started school

OP posts:
Original poster
WorriedWilma123 · 15/01/2022 19:30

A divorce would help clarify but I need a few months to save for that - he won’t pay as the decision was mine to end the marriage.

OP posts:
OverTheRubicon · 15/01/2022 20:17

@WorriedWilma123

I haven’t applied for the single persons council tax as assumed that would be a no. Yes because I’m at home from 4 and the kids are hungry not long after - he doesn’t get home until 7 so then does his own meal. I agree re the washing however again I usually do the kids uniforms and my work stuff between 4-5 when in from work and school so it’s done so I can relax after I’ve done the dinner. Childcare is a problem as he has a completely random 2 days off per week, they’re never the same so it’s a nightmare to try and find myself an alternate job to a school one that fits hence why I went for it years ago when the eldest started school
Given you've been separated for 8 months, he can't expect you to flex around 2 random days a week, nor should you be managing your work around it. What do other parents at his work do?

If he finds a new person and moves out, you'll be left screwed - and in the meantime he's got the benefit of a housekeeper along with his tax-payer funded extra cash each month, which is not right. He needs a regular residency schedule including holidays, and responsibilities for childcare in that time, whether it's about managing his shifts, paying for after school care, or roping in his mum. You also need to take steps to be truly financially independent, especially if your kids are both school age, to help protect you and them.

Original poster
WorriedWilma123 · 15/01/2022 20:38

No parents anyone near us sadly so never any childcare help - never even had them for a few hours since they were born.
If he left he would actually have to pay maintenance though so although it would be harder financially in some ways, maybe not all.
It’s made a lot harder to navigate and expect him to change job patterns etc because this is all my doing and I haven’t been able to save the marriage - it was purely my decision.
Thank you for replying everyone

OP posts:
Thoosa · 15/01/2022 20:39

I would be wary of the long term aspect of this and how it may be perceived.

Separated people do claim benefits while still sharing a roof , but usually it’s because they are in contentious situations, waiting for a divorce settlement, both have legal right o live there, were trapped by Covid, or are are planning to move out but financially hampered etc.

Benefits rules have evolved to allow claimants to be paid in these situations to prevent financial abuse, protect children from poverty, enable spouses to escape DV and so on.

If it’s your intention to continue like this for years quite happily that might come back to bite you. Be very careful. Sooner or later DWP might question the longevity of the situation, and can review it retroactively. If you’re truly split, one of you should start looking for alternative housing.

As it stands, a cynical observer might say this is a way for your exp to shirk his child maintenance responsibilities.”, or rather get the taxpayer to pay them.

Original poster
WorriedWilma123 · 15/01/2022 20:40

You’re right re paying for childcare though.
That’s a very good point if my job changes then he will have to accommodate the childcare 50/50 so it’s fair and it would mean I could earn more in the long run so that’s something to consider - thank you

OP posts:
Thoosa · 15/01/2022 20:42

If he left he would actually have to pay maintenance though so although it would be harder financially in some ways, maybe not all.

He has to pay CM if you’re separated, whether you share an address or not, as you are main carer.

This plan all sounds like a jumbled mess of different elements of various situations.

Original poster
WorriedWilma123 · 15/01/2022 20:44

We do both have a right to live here.
That’s the problem - neither one of us can afford to move out.
Him more than me but he won’t as this was my choice to end the marriage.
Even then he will end up in a flat losing his dogs and the kids not having own rooms etc as he couldn’t afford a like for like in this area.
I understand it’s unusual to be living like this long term but it is the situation as it stands and they are welcome to check anything and everything as I’ve been completely upfront.
We would not have told the children and had all that upset just for a few quid each month, who does that?
This is because I realised I was gay - not something easily unrealised sadly.

OP posts:
Original poster
WorriedWilma123 · 15/01/2022 20:45

I was told I couldn’t apply for child maintenance from the solicitor I had advice from before the UC claim!
Because he lives here so how can I say how often he has them overnight etc as we are both here?!

OP posts:
Original poster
WorriedWilma123 · 16/01/2022 11:02

It’s so stressful and I already feel horrendous guilt about all of this

OP posts:
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