Self Medicating

[Junglerap]

Hi everyone,

Posting her for traffic.

My wife has previously had issues with alcohol. She has a very low alcohol tolerance and could get herself into dangerous situations when she was in her twenties (falling asleep on tubes, losing belongings etc). Nothing bad ever happened to her when she was out and over time she got better at not overdoing it.

Then she had a hell of a lot of personal adversity to deal with over a period of about 3 years (it was deeply traumatic). She started to drink more at home and seemed to be using it as a way to cope. She'd often pass out on the couch and would drink alone. It was problematic drinking and I was very concerned about her. She stopped drinking completely for almost 2 years and everything was amazing. Recently, she's had more adversity to deal with and on at least one occasion she used alcohol to cope. I should add, we have a young baby now.

I'm very concerned for her and for my child. I know post partum months are very difficult and she needs help. I don't know how to approach it. Any advice appreciated.

I would get yourself to an Alanon group OP - they are support systems for family and friends of alcoholics / problem drinkers. They have a helpline and website too.

Does she see her past drinking as a problem and as a way to cope with issues? If she does can you tell her you're worried that she might be slipping back and ask how you can support her more or what she thinks would help. Maybe putting baby into nursery for a few hours a day and/or getting a cleaner would take some of the pressure off her if you can possibly afford it. Also getting a counsellor for her to talk about it all to. Do you think she could be suffering from PND? she should talk to her GP/health visitor too.

If she's in denial about it all it's much trickier she might not want to admit she is drinking or that she is struggling with the baby or that she feels depressed or isolated and perhaps totally over whelmed. I think then you have to tread very carefully. Perhaps don't mention the drinking but again ask what more you can do to support her and if there's anything that might make things a bit easier for her. Are the adversity issues separate from the baby or due to having a young baby?

It's a huge concern though that she might drink and it be unsafe for the baby - is she drinking when she has the baby on her own or only when you are there? If she is alone then this can't keep happening. Is there any possibility of you working from home for a while to be around to support her? I think that would make a huge difference.

First don't leave her alone with your young baby if she's drinking.
Secondly, book her into the GP they'll be able to point her in the right direction of support.

She’s not in denial, she does listen to my concerns. She’s a wonderful Mum but she’s away from all her family (they live in a different country) and feeling isolated/ overwhelmed. The advice about getting a cleaner or a couple of hours childcare is helpful. I want to handle this firmly but compassionately.

She drank on a Christmas evening out with colleagues. It was surprising because she hadn’t drank in almost 2 years. I’m concerned about it escalating. I think she might have been sneaking drinks over the past couple of weeks but I have no proof.