to allow my DDs to spend their money on overpriced items?

[RiverLola]

DM and I went to an event with DD1 (10) and DD2 (7). We bought treats for them and a small gift shop item. DDs both spotted some branded items from the event and wanted them. For what they were they were hugely expensive (as you expect from an event's own gift shop) but they were adamant.

So I told them if they wanted them they would have to spend their own money. DD1 spent 1/3 of her saved money (the value of which is the amount she was gifted from a relative for her birthday) and DD2 spent half of her money (all saved pocket money)

DM says I was unreasonable as it was overpriced, i could have found them similar items online for cheaper and i shouldn't have let them 'waste their money'

I feel it was their money so who am i to stop them spending it? I explained to them that they were expensive for what they were, that cheaper versions could be found etc but they still wanted to spend their own money.

WIBU to let them spend over the odds? Should I have said no, even though it was their money?

That’s what pocket money is for. To learn how to make decisions and the cost and value of things.

As long as you aren't talking hundreds... it can be a good learning experience on the value of money.

I think you did the right thing. It’s their money. It’s probably quite hard to see them essentially waste it, but these are important life lessons that need to be learned. Better now with something reasonably trivial.

I think if you’ve explained to them that there was an option to buy it cheaper else where and they still want to get it then it’s up to them. And then remind them l when they want something else but don’t have enough money.

But no, YANBU

YANBU, that's what pocket money and birthday money is for.

That's literally the whole point in them having their own money. They use their money and after realising that the tat is overpriced and often only gives a short amount of enjoyment they start to make wiser choices in how they spend it.

I'd much rather they started learning this lesson at 7 and 10 than when they get their first job or university grant.

They have to learn. When they want something they can’t afford then they will remember what they did with their money and it will be a lesson. My GD went to a concert at Wembley and spent a small fortune of her own money on a t-shirt but she loves the performer and has worn the t-shirt constantly. It gave her great pleasure.

I think you did the right thing... .as long as it wasn't ridiculous.....if it was a tshirt for £30 then they will learn. My kids often decide they don't really want something if I tell them they are paying. (I do sometimes absorb the cost as they don't get loads of pocket money....but that's my - 'do they really want this test').

Although if you took them to Frozen the musical and they have spent £100 on a bejazzled plastic water bottle then you are being vvvvunreasonable....that stuff was very over priced tatt!!!

i do occassionally put my foot down with crazy items (the time DS1 wanted to borrow £100 from me to then spend £200 on a old figurine thing that cost £8 when new for example....) but the items in question were good quality items, just overpriced.

It is hard to watch them spend it on stuff i see as a waste but then, they don't understand why i pay for hardback copies of books when i have the cheaper paperbacks already!!

Yanbu.

Depends in the items but I may not have.

Understanding the value of money is all well and good but there is a limit to the cost of a lesson learned I’d allow my children to cop.

How can they learn the value of theirs acinus if they’re not allowed to poss them up the wall when they’re small?

The only rule I have is that the middle child is not allowed to spend more than £20 a month on cards (Pokémon, yugioh etc) as he used to be a sod for obsessing over ridiculously expensive cards on eBay. A hard and fast rule helped, but he does have ASD, so 🤷🏻‍♀️

Their savings*

mumdiva no bejwelled water bottles! i would have put my foot down on that, they are not practical at all!!!

Better they waste £20 now, than £20,000 when they're older. It's a valuable life lesson to realise money is finite and if you blow it on crap now, you don't have it later for something worthwhile.

Just don't give in when they're pleading for something that they could have bought with their savings

they spent between £40 and £50 each.

oh i wont give in, i never do!

I think sometimes an item from an event, overpriced though it is, is more than the item it’s the memory of that particular day and the whole event. Like buying a band T shirt at a gig.

I have however if we are just out shopping checked prices online and shown my kids, say we are in Tokyo toys and the same item is on amazon for a lot less but you need to wait a few days - to let them see sometimes waiting pays off. Sometimes they’ve just bought the thing anyway but at least they realised the options.

RJ yes these were event specific items. i could have found them very similar cheaper ones but probably not these exact items. that was part of why i let them after explaining it all to them - they will associate the items with the event.

Bejewelled water bottles are exactly the thing you want your DC to buy so they learn very early on that not all that glitters is gold.

Three weeks later, a drop on the floor and a cycle through the dishwasher and they’re left with a very unsatisfactory return in their investment.

Hopefully that gives them pause for thought in the future

Justin Bieber (? Studio Tour) Sweatshirt ( nothing special red/white/blue) it was £70 at a JB concert and DD despertately wanted it .

TBF , she still has it four years later .........

My DC were given a choice as its their money. I would quickly google the price and explain that they could buy the item now for £30 or It could be here the next day from argos / amazon etc for half the price. Both now do this every time without fail and have done since being around 7 (my earliest memory of being in lego land and choosing to wait to go to argos instead). Maybe have a chat with them about inflated prices and shops making excessive money off them etc. Some things you obviously cant avoid but branded goods you generally can.

It was super painful to watch DS spend over £20 on a tin of Pokemon cards but it was his own money, he'd spent a while weighing up the options and came to the conclusion himself that it wasn't worth it afterwards! It was money given to him by relatives who would be happy to see him spend it frivolously TBH so I didn't feel bad about it. It is exactly how you learn the value of money.

@pinkflask and just wait till you hear they were given away to little Bobby in the class because he didn't have any cards to swap.
Or when the special shiny card - the one per tin - is swapped for 2 regular cards with a y6 kids who knows what he's doing with swapping with younger kids. Or when one child only has fakes and swaps for the real cards....... (to be fair we were the people that flooded the fake market at our school....we bought a load of fakes back from Hong Kong and shared them with friends kids so they could swap happily.....although when they swapped with another child with real card the mum was vvvv unhappy....)

Going against the grain but if you could have got the items a lot cheaper online I think you missed a good opportunity to teach your DC about shopping around and that waiting brings rewards rather than giving in to instant gratification all the time.

@Mumdiva99 - my DS is the Y6 who would be ripping off the younger ones except they're thankfully not allowed to swap at school! He does swap but only with his best friend and has had all the warnings about people scamming you/not taking advantage (for all the good this does). Anyway we've had no tears or drama about them so they must be working out any disagreements themselves - another life lesson!