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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not understand why any woman would ask a father to abandon his children from a previous relationship?

23 replies

Firsttimemammma · 13/01/2022 22:36

Exactly that. My ex partner got back with his ex whilst I was pregnant and they are now engaged we have a 4 month old together and co parenting, she has said she doesn’t want him to see our baby because I am there breastfeeding him.

OP posts:
Santaisstilleatingmincepies · 13/01/2022 22:37

Because she wants to pretend he isn't a df already. She wants to give him dc and pretend you never happened..

fallfallfall · 13/01/2022 22:40

insecure and immature. she thinks seeing your breasts will send him into a wild sexual frenzy or he may fall for your womanly/maternal charm and she will be found a lesser woman.
it has nothing to do with the child.

RedCandyApple · 13/01/2022 22:41

Well I can see why thing are raw, are you sure she was actually his ex partner and not just his partner?

Lou98 · 13/01/2022 22:46

It's insecurity- you've said it's because you're BF, she doesn't want him looking at your boobs.

She's being ridiculous OP but at the end of the day it's his response that's important- she can say what she likes but if he actually agrees, that's where the issue is

StoneofDestiny · 13/01/2022 22:47

It's your partners issue - he doesn't have to do what he is asked. Focus on him.

Original poster
Firsttimemammma · 13/01/2022 22:50

We were together and living together for over 2 years I had my suspicions they were still in touch which turned out to be true.
We have managed to put feelings aside and putting our son first, she isn’t a parent so has no idea about parental responsibility and what she is getting into.

OP posts:
Original poster
Firsttimemammma · 13/01/2022 22:52

He’s told her that by no means would he ever abandon his child and she needs to accept that, I know some men do though and worry about that influence.

OP posts:
LadySybilRamekin · 13/01/2022 22:53

She can say whatever she likes, it's up to your ex if he chooses being a decent parent or not...

whumpthereitis · 13/01/2022 22:53

Ultimately, she has absolutely no responsibility towards you or your son. You shouldn’t expect anything of her. She can ask it of him, but it’s entirely up to him whether he obliges her or not. If he does, then your issue is with him.

Lou98 · 13/01/2022 22:53

@Firsttimemammma

He’s told her that by no means would he ever abandon his child and she needs to accept that, I know some men do though and worry about that influence.

Good that he's told her straight OP!

Please don't worry about what other men do, it sounds like he's got his priorities straight!

Pinchofnom · 13/01/2022 22:54

Hopefully the father will step up to the plate as he rightfully should. As for his fiancé, she sounds a vile human being.

RandomMess · 13/01/2022 22:58

Because he's a cheat and a liar and she is terrified he will go back to you and/or cheat on her with you.

She is judging you by her own standards. She already knows he is capable of cheating and lying.

Notimeforaname · 13/01/2022 22:59

Are you all really young ?
Did she actually say it's about you breastfeeding?? So if baby was bottle fed she'd have no problem? This is insane

DrSbaitso · 13/01/2022 23:01

@Firsttimemammma

He’s told her that by no means would he ever abandon his child and she needs to accept that, I know some men do though and worry about that influence.
You should worry about those weak, shitty men rather than the evil female "influence".

If you can trust your ex, you don't need to worry what she does. Lady Macbeth was a cow, but Macbeth was a gutless twat.

SnowWhitesSM · 13/01/2022 23:05

Why is he telling you this OP? Why is he involving you in this drama? I would be very suspicious that he's playing games tbh. Look at him villifying her so you dislike her, yet playing the hero by 'sticking' up for you and his baby.

DrSbaitso · 13/01/2022 23:06

@SnowWhitesSM

Why is he telling you this OP? Why is he involving you in this drama? I would be very suspicious that he's playing games tbh. Look at him villifying her so you dislike her, yet playing the hero by 'sticking' up for you and his baby.
Excellent observation.
PinkiOcelot · 13/01/2022 23:11

My ex-BIL did exactly this. The bastard. Paid not a penny in maintenance and when my niece was old enough to knock on his door, allowed his bitch of a wife to shut the door in her face!
At least your ex seems to have put his girlfriend straight. I do wonder why he is discussing this with you though.

Onlinedilema · 13/01/2022 23:16

He sounds an absolute charmer.

Maybe83 · 13/01/2022 23:23

Because some women are insecure and want relationships that re write history but the bigger issue is the number of men who think with their sex drive as their priority.

Rather than their existing responsibilities. I dont know how many times I have seen it with couples that men give into the demands of their new partners and abandon their children.

Both parties are equally as shitty in my opinion.

In your senario he shouldn't be telling you anything about their relationship. It falls out side of Co parenting to be honest. You have 18 years minimum. Start putting boundaries in place now.

RedCandyApple · 13/01/2022 23:24

@Notimeforaname

Are you all really young ? Did she actually say it's about you breastfeeding?? So if baby was bottle fed she'd have no problem? This is insane
It’s nothing to do with breastfeeding its obvious she means that mum needs to be there at visit because she’s breastfeeding whereas if baby was bottle fed he could take child on his own not have to sit around his ex (the op)
PixieLaLa · 14/01/2022 00:23

she isn’t a parent so has no idea about parental responsibility and what she is getting into

Hmm
maddening · 14/01/2022 00:26

She is insecure as he cheated on you with her, she knows that he is entirely capable of philandering

HappyDays40 · 14/01/2022 01:57

She is scared you will lure the unsuspecting poor little fella with your magical feminine wiles....aka your boobs.

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