To bring up the question of having a baby

[Alice1988x]

I’ve just turned 33 and I’m seeing someone who is 27. I originally had my reservations about the age gap because my last relationship broke down after we realised we wanted different things and I worried it would happen again but after lots of chats we decided to just go for it. However, it does still worry me that he won’t be ready to have children in the next couple of years and I’m not sure when or how to bring it up. We did talk about it a few months ago and he said he couldn’t see it happening for 5 more years but we decided to not talk about it again for a while as we’ve only been together a year and it felt a bit too soon to discuss. Should I bring it up again or wait? I don’t want to give him an ultimatum and I don’t want to lose him either but I also want to know whether we are on the same page or not.

I think you need to talk about it because otherwise its just going to become he huge thing between you. And whilst you might not want to lose him, if he says not for at least 5 years, you do need to decide what you want more

You need to talk about it. If you’re going to be together long term then you need to be comfortable speaking about something so big.

Yes. Bring it up.
To be honest 5 years is a bit of a gamble for you to wait. I wouldn't want to be trying for a baby at 38 and find I have fertility issues.
I started at 34 and after 2 miscarriages I was beginning to wonder if I had left it too late. DD was born when I was just about to turn 37. I wouldn't have wanted to leave it later.

Definitely bring it up for the reasons the posters above have said.

OP let me tell you something now - this will eat you up inside.

A year is absolutely not too soon to talk about the reality of your future with this man - in fact I'd say any day more is too late as you are just wasting your time.

Part of you will be avoiding bringing it up because you feel 'too much' 'too intense' 'too soon' - but please - this is your one and only life.

You have to take a deep breath and accept the answer might be that he is absolutely not ready to commit - sadly it's an age he is at where he can easily wait 5 more years and then begin to think about it.

You have nothing to gain by waiting - don't let him think you are the pushy unreasonable one - just state clearly that you need to know if he is committed to babies WITH YOU (not as a totally random abstract) within a year or you will have to leave him now.

sorry, it's a tough one. I would be honest with yourself it seems like you two are not compatible - he may be well off having kids and in the meantime you just won't have the same length of time to wait.

You need to change the mindset 'I don't want to lose him or give him an ultimatum' - what does that mean? Does that mean you have no boundaries at all? That he can say whatever he likes, make no commitment and you are just going to take it?

Have a word with yourself and be clearer that you need to know what your boundaries really are.

I think you need to bring it up again

Yes you need to bring it up. If he wants to wait 5 years before deciding then effectively he is saying he is fine with there being a small chance of having children with you. And it's fine for that to be a rela breaker for you