AIBU to ask her to be god mother (TW - miscarriage)

[AndBabyMakes3]

Hi all,

Recently gave birth to baby no. 3; shortly after finding out I was pregnant, a close friend confided in me that she had fallen pregnant with her first child but sadly lost the baby at approx. 6 weeks (MMC). We're looking to get our baby baptised in near future and she would have been our top choice for God mother, but now wondering if it would be completely insensitive to ask given that, had her baby survived, they would be due around now (our baby arrived early but full term).

IABU: Of course it's too insensitive - do not ask her to be God mother

IANBU: Ask her to be God mother anyway

YANBU. She is a friend and you want her to be a big part of DC's life and I'm sure she would want to be too. So I think approach it in a similar way to how you have outlined it here - tell your friend that you would love her to be DC's godmother but that you understand it might be difficult given her mmc. So the ball is in her court to say no, think it through if she needs to

As someone who went through 12 years of unsuccessful infertility treatment and several pregnancy losses, I would have been SO SO DELIGHTED to have been asked to be a godmother. One of the saddest parts of all those years was friends and family being overprotective, and always keeping their children at arms length from me, so as not to upset me. It would have been a dream come true to have been asked to play such an important part in another child's life. It would have been wonderful, so have no doubt in saying do ask your friend.

I lost my baby at 12 weeks. My god daughter was born a couple of days after my due date. I was delighted and touched to be asked.

I'd ask her privately, so she has the chance to process and say no if she wants. If just tell her that she of the person you always wanted to be godmother and that you understand if she would prefer not to.

I had 3 mmc Before my ds and found it incredibly hard but I would still have been delighted to have been asked to be godmother from a very close friend.

Likewise my cousin has recently had a Mc and she's a firm believer in everything happens for a reason and while she says it can be a bit hard at the time she's ok with it.

Everyone will handle it differently, it might be too difficult for your friend or she might find it a very welcome distraction/ honour. I think it's worth asking her.

Ask her but say you quite understand if she'd rather not.