Child benefit issue!!!

[Creative567]

Hi, apologies if a long post. Im
New to this so please go easy.
I split from my husband 2 years ago - he controlled everything i didnt even have access to a bank account- the child benefit went into the account he controlled. When we split up we agree 50/50 control over the children - friday to friday.
Throughout the marriage and to this day he thinks he can control and manipulate me.
He claimed the child benefit and gave me half cash in hand as he didnt want an audit trail so he says. At first this seemed to work okish but now he has to be chased to provide money to the children, if i dont do something he wants he threats to deduct money etc
I have no power over anything to do with the children as the mother i feel humiliated and bullied. He tells me hes done something and “bills” me he changes appointments the children may have if he doesn't suit him and i just no control over any of it .
I have told him ive made a claim for child benefit as he has moved in with his new parter and together there is 5 kids - our eldest on his claim is now no longer the eldest so technically our two children get less because he refuses to budge on benefits and allow me to claim which entitles my kids the correct money.
He has told me i wouldn't get the money as the kids are all registered with him- at school, doctors and dentist they are with me however he will probably just change it all over once the papers land on his door step.
Has anyone any advice on how to deal with this, or am I going to lose my claim as hes already in receipt?
I feel total beholden to this bloke even after divorce, i just want some control back over my children etc.

Thanks in advance!

If there is a dispute with who gets it then the CB people will decide who gets it. You could even end up with you getting money for one and him getting some for another.

Do the children live with you?

OP says it's 50/50

You didn’t have access to your own salary?

@dementedpixie

OP says it's 50/50

Sorry I don't know how I missed that!

Op as a pp said CB might split the claim. It would make sense financially for you to claim for the eldest.

Who buys clothes? Attends appointments? You need to show you are the main carer.

What are you doing for money now?

She can't show she's the main carer if it's 50/50
They can still have a claim each for CB or CB may decide that one person gets to claim for both.

I buy clothes for them at my house and he buys at his. So everything is split.
They haven't needed any appointments like doctors etc they lucky in that respect.
Im struggling to see how I can show I'm the main caregiver over him as we do everything the children need in our week.

He has been on the whole giving me half the money he gets however this is not regular , if he wants to take money off as and when he does . I had the childs hair cut the other week and he refused to contribute, he doesn't even cut their nails! But the agency wont be interested in any of the minor issues.
Just want to see if there anything I can prepare in advance etc . I hear that the original
Claimant normally always wins over a counter claim -
Especially as hes claimed it for so long now.

In response to a question no my wages went into the “joint” account i didnt have access too. He wracked up £18000 worth of debt and i found out and left him so its been a struggle figuring everything out for myself after 12 years of being controlled by someone .

I agree that we should claim for one child each that would make sense but hes stuck two fingers up and said i wont get anything.

I think you need a solicitor, or at the very least some advice from the CAB if available.
You need to separate your affairs from this man. Unfortunately I’ve no idea of Child Benefit can be paid 50/50 to 2 different people but the DWP would know.
It’ll be a slog, you need a court order to get regular maintenance and get the CB split. It’ll be worth it for the peace of mind when it’s sorted.

Do you claim any other benefits for the children can you tell the Dr's its shared care so you get the letters cc into your address too? Maybe it's just mine but they offered to send dad a copy of letters even though he rarely saw the children and never attended appointments (he also refused to give me an address so it was a non starter really) basically can you make yourself visible in the child's life?

It cannot be split, we can claim for one child each but he has basically good luck in getting the money see you in court.

Id like to to the agency will suggest two separate claims as that would be the best option however im
Not sure how they work and if they that interested in the small details.
So i think a solicitor may be the way forward if I lose the claim - very un necessary. Then thats the kind of man I unfortunately married

Yeah forget about what he says. You need to get some proper advice OP. See a solicitor first and then ring the CB people. They're very nice. You need to free yourself from his control.

One day the kids will be old enough to make their own choices and you can say good riddance to him for good.

I claim no other benefits- the children have not been to the doctors since the split so no need for any letters.
The address for everything is with me.
On paper and from the agencies view im a non existent mother, its very hard to change that.
In relation to the school they send emails like parent mail that we both get - we both attended virtually parents evenings.

Couldn't you ask the DWP to give you CB for one kid, and he keeps CB for the other?

That's effectively a 50/50 split.

Most certainly if they give me the option I will. I was worried theyd say no we are not changing it case closed and thats it im stuck with the current situation for many years to come.

Call a lawyer and womens aid. This was, and is, domestic abuse, controlling coercive behaviour.

Don't assume OP. Time to flex your muscles as a parent. He doesn't get to take the piss any more.

Ring the CB line and see a solicitor to learn your rights. Personally I'd do the court thing me.