...to want everyone (especially the ILs) to leave me and DH alone?

[Naetha]

I'm 39 weeks pregnant, had a false labour last weekend, and constant uncomfortable BHs since then. My measurements show that my baby is measuring HUGE - talking 10.5lbs, and MW has recommended that I don't travel too far in case things kick off quickly.

Ever since my false labour last weekend, FIL or FIL's girlfriend have rung us up at least every day, sometimes 2 or 3 times a day to find out "how things are going". We've told them countless times that if anything happens we'll let them know. They always ask the same inane questions: "What are you up to?" (not much), "Anything happening yet?" (no), "Has the baby come yet?" (no, and if it had, the answer to the first two questions probably would have been different). There's never any sympathy, excitement, or genuine enquiries after my or DH's wellbeing, just inane non-questions. We've explained to them that the constant calling is stressing us both out, but they don't seem to listen at all. If we don't answer the home phone (for example we're watching a film or in the middle of cooking dinner) then they call the mobile non-stop until we answer or turn it off. Oh, and neither of them ever leave a message - we've said to them if it's important and we don't answer, leave a message, but they refuse! If we don't answer the phone at say 9am on a Sunday morning because we were in bed, and then do answer it at 11am, we get the 3rd degree - "what were you up to?" "why didn't you answer the phone?" "why didn't you answer your mobile?". LEAVE US ALONE!!!!!!

With it being Christmas as well, we were invited to Christmas dinner at theirs, but only on the 22nd, but which time we had made our own plans (quiet, chilled out Christmas at home with the cats - enjoying the peace while we can!). We explained that due to MW's recommendations, we weren't going to drive for an hour in the wrong direction, and in all honesty, me being the size of a house and all we just wanted a quiet Christmas (not to mention the fact that we'd already bought a roast for Christmas dinner). We then got two phone calls from FIL's girlfriend berating us for not coming because she'd bought an extra large turkey - we'd already said several times that we weren't going to go! FIL's suggestion at that reply was that I could drive DH over there, then come back home, and sit by myself on Christmas day just in case I went into labour! If I did go into labour, I could get a taxi to the hospital and DH could meet me later. Needless to say, FIL was in the pub when DH was born .

Anyway, I just needed to get that off my chest - we got our first phonecall from FIL at 9:20 this morning asking us again to go over for Christmas dinner because his girlfriend has invited some friends of hers and he wants someone to talk to - that would be a barrel of laughs for us!

That was very cathartic - thank you

Oh sorry I hate to continue my whinging, but it wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't the fact that FIL is a terrible father, and never spoke to DH more than once in a blue moon before I got pregnant. Never a christmas/birthday card or present for either of us (usually wouldn't even get a phone call around Christmas) yet now he's going to be a grandad he won't leave us alone! We've managed perfectly well without him for the last seven years (DH for longer obviously!) why does he think he has the right to interfere now?

Merry Christmas indeed! Do they not realise that when you are in labour, neither you nor DH will be able to answer the phone for quite some time?!

I think you need to take action now as they look set to be even more nightmarish once the baby is here. Trust me, you think the constant phone calls are annoying now, when you've been up six times in the night it's going to be even less amusing.

One of my top buys for new parents is a phone that will selectively ring depending on who's calling Thus I could screen my MIL in the early days but allow my lifeline, aka my mum through at any time.

If that's too extravagant, I think you need to turn the phone and mobile off. Just say you are trying to get as much sleep as you can now so the noise was intrusive. No doubt they'll be highly pissed off, but that's beside the point.

Hope you can have a peaceful day and best of luck!

Can't help much, but I did find that MY father became much much more involved in my life after dd was born. He is a fantastic grandfather, much more solicitous and interested than he ever was when I was little. And it does grate sometimes, but when I am feeling charitable I try and see it as him trying to get the baby years back, but with dd and ds. I think he now realises what he missed back then, to a certain extent.

Naetha I hope you have the nice peaceful xmas you wish for and that everything goes smoothly with your labour.

Do you think its possible that your FIL knows he's been a bit crap to his son and is desparately trying to make amends now that he has a grandchild on the way.

i yabu.
they are being cconcerned. in their own way. which may not suit you, but it is still concern.
be grateful you have a fil who is interested, and he has a gf who wants toknow you and your baby. she has gone to the trouble to cook for you, and include yu in her friends.
you are pregnant, not sick. an hours drive for christmas dinner is highly unlikely to affect your as negativley as you seem to think.
yabvu

blimey Pukka, that's a bit harsh! OP is being harassed - it may be meant kindly but it's still a pain in the bum.

Naetha, put your phone on vibrate or silent. And take deep breaths!

pukkapatch you recentley said you thought MN could be harsh as you expressed opinion on a thread and got jumped upon - whist you do same to Naetha! She is pg and understandably tired, with a lot on her plate - so bit of empathy please

anyhow Naetha happy xmas

YANBU - you have made it perfectly clear that you will let them know when something happens. I don't really think this is concern, it's more about them wanting to be the first to know which some people seem to place a lot of store by. If they were genuinely concerned they would listen to what you are saying and just leave you be.

I was 3 weeks late with ds and know how the constant calls can feel. Luckily my mum was 3 weeks late with my db and utterly understood how I felt!!

You are perfectly entitled to screen your calls or switch your phone off if you wish to. Good luck!!

Thanks for the reassurance folks, made me feel much better

I do see where you're coming from Pukka, but you'd have to meet my FIL and his gf to get the full picture (imagine Rab C Nesbitt married to Hyacinth Bucket...kind of!) - they're hard work! Also it's not just an hour - it'd be a two hour round trip and then a good four hours there. Not exactly ideal when I've had 3 hours sleep due to constant uncomfortable BH / being whale-like in proportions.

Had a lovely Christmas dinner me and DH, and having a chilled out day with even a cheeky glass of wine!

Have a good Christmas all

Naetha - I am in the same boat as you - 40+2 today, and FILs have just dropped us right in it(long story).
I wouldn't want to spend that long in the car... especially with my piles!

glad you had a good one.
yes, i know i was harsh, and had i been the first one replying i wouldnt have been, but lots of empathy given already, so i thought it would be ok to give the other side of the story.
yes mn is harsh. but i think it isnt actually as harsh as rl

Pukka - I don't think that is necessarily true.
I think people are more likely to pull their punches in RL because they can see on the face of the person they are criticising the effect their words have.
MN can be harsh, but it is also quite honest!

sorry for thread hijack here.
no, i have found rl to be much much harsher than mn. yes i know that in rl some people bother to look at the expression on the other persons face, but a great great many dont care. and that hurts much more.
maybe i have jsut met the wrong people in rl, but to me mn is a sanctuary.

Pukka... Yes I take your point, it does depend on who you know!
Have a Xmas hug {{{{{{Pukka}}}}}}}

thanks bouncing.
have one back yourself. {{{{{{bouncy}}}}}} and you to neatha {{{{{{neetha}}}}}

no yanbu, not at all. When the baby arrives you will almost certainly need some space.

I actually normally just turn off my house phone for a week or two after I have a baby. Everyone has my and dp's email address, and there ARE ways to contact me in an actual death-in-the-family type situation, but this eliminates the casual "oh I thought I'd call for 3 hours and insentively witter on about my stuff when you have a toddler and a newborn and haven't slept in days" type calls.

YANBU - but perhaps unreasonable to think they are going to suddenly leave you alone - they're obviously not like that.

Just unplug all the phones and enjoy Christmas! Good luck.