To want a moving in date

[confusedmummy123]

Partner and I are engaged been together 2 and a half years. Getting married in October. However we don't live together. Recently his mum died and it was the funeral on Monday and he is sorting the house out. Therefore I don't want to pressure him. But shouldn't he have wanted me to move in before now? March 2020 he said I could move in in the October of that year and that never happened. As we are due to get married in 9 months people keep asking when am I moving in. I feel a bit of an idiot saying I don't know. I mean it's only my life and I have no clue when things are happening. I have anxiety so like to know when things will happen. He said we will talk about it this week. Don't really know what will be said though

@billy1966

You didn't move in because he didn't want you to.

OP you have two children to think of.

I would be very wary and I would not be planning to marry this man anytime soon.

He has delayed moving in with you.

It will be a massive change for him and for you and your children.

It often doesn't work out as the rough and tumble of a family takes getting used to, and isn't for everyone.

15 months after you were supposed to move in and still no conversation tells me you have absolutely no business planning a wedding.

Don't spend another penny on deposits.

You need to speak plainly with him.

You moving in with him and giving up your home puts you in a very vulnerable position.

You have two children to consider.

There is no place for a relationship where you have no idea what is going on.

This. I don’t think you should be planning a wedding either. Or placing your children’s comfort and happiness on the line for someone neither you or they have never lived with.

But I think you have put the cart before the horse with this marriage notion.
WTF are you doing, pressing ahead with the wedding, when you 1) don't know what he's like to live with 2) will be bringing your kids into it?

This ?

What on earth are you doing making plans for a wedding, when you have no concept of what it is like living with him, or more importantly , how he will cope with living with two children ???

This is so the wrong way round.

Also, why would you even be thinking about marrying someone when you aren't on an equal footing in terms of having conversations about the big things in life ?

Why aren't you discussing this with him ?

Why haven't you been discussing it with him ?
Why are you waiting for him to ask you?
Why are you hesitant of bringing it up ?
Why are you fannying about spending money on a dress and deposits when you have no idea if the 4 of you can live together in a happy way ?

I said YANBU to want a moving in date, but overall YABVU to be spending money and time on planning a wedding when you haven't tried to see how he lives with your dc.

It's looking like you should consider calling the wedding off tbh.

Why are you marrying a man you can't have a basic conversation with?

I think you've had months and months where you should have asked this question BUT the week of his mum's death really doesn't seem appropriate. Has he even had chance to Bury her yet????

@PicaK

I think you've had months and months where you should have asked this question BUT the week of his mum's death really doesn't seem appropriate. Has he even had chance to Bury her yet????

The funeral was on Monday so yes, but considering the OP is asking the question 2 years after she was supposed to be moving in she can wait another couple of weeks!

Feel sorry for your kids.

@confusedmummy123
What happened? Did you ask him?

Why would you get engaged without living together (barring religious reasons)? Marriage is a far bigger commitment than moving in!

And if the two of you can’t have a grown up conversation about it then I dread to think what kind of marriage you’re going to have!

WHY ARE YOU GETTING MARRIED??? You need to postpone the wedding indefinitely. You really really should not be getting married if you can't have an honest convo about this! People are so different at home, men can really talk themselves up and be absolute shitbags to live with. Your children need more than a few months to test this out as well.