To want to change whole personality

[toomuchmashaandthebear]

Ok I know the title sounds a bit random but basically I have always been quite a reserved, anxious person. I'm confident in settings such as with close friends or family but not necessarily with people I don't know. My main issue is that I have very low self confidence and don't trust my own judgements at all. I think this stems from always wanting to please people/not upset people. If I feel like somebody is upset or annoyed at me for something it will massively play on my mind and it will be all I think about.

I know this can be a common thing but it's becoming a bit extreme. To the point that a year ago I decided to finally report my childhood sexual abuser, however after I did I spent the next few weeks obsessively worrying how it may affect them/if they would be upset, what if I caused them to harm themselves or something. Which I know is ridiculous.

So my issue now is that I am currently re training in a new career. I absolutely love it but it is a role where I will need self confidence and my lack of confidence in my own judgements are starting to affect my training. Is it possible at 30 for me to change? I've looked at books etc but I don't know if that would work for me as I've tried self help books before and didn't get much from them. I've looked at hypnotherapy, counselling etc but wanted to see if anyone had any other suggestions or just tell me I'm being silly and it's too late to change!

I should add that I have also had feedback in my previous career about my lack of confidence in my own judgements and that I ask questions a lot even though I know the answer (I'm always just worried it is wrong or will affect someone in the wrong way) so I do know this has been an issue for a while.

Wow, you're a survivor of trauma and you just recently took the massive step of reporting your abuser - I'd say you're doing well! And of course you can learn to be more assertive - 30 is still so young! Think of assertiveness, especially in the work setting, as a professional cloak - at work you put on your work wear and your assertive cloak and you act like you see other assertive people act. Fake it till you make it as they say! It takes practice - you won't get it overnight but don't be disheartened - just keep on practicing

Also, when you ask questions, phrase it as "I think I could do A or B - I think A for such and such a reason, but just wanted to get a second opinion" - it shows you've thought things through and aren't just expecting to be given the answer, which generally puts you in a better light with the person you are asking. Also it proves to yourself you can think things through and know the answer

Thank you @Throckmorton that's really good advice! I'm glad to hear it's not too late to change!

Thanks! It's never too late to change!

Oh bless you. Huge hugs for speaking out. Abuse in early life can cause massive issues including PTSD symptoms.

This may or may not ring true with you, but the need to please or not upset people can signal ASD. I'm now going through an Autism assessment myself. It can be exhausting trying to mask or hide your own issues, while trying to appease others. Either way, please get some therapy. It's quite easy to self refer on NHS these days.