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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

I am being manipulated aren’t I?

17 replies

FluffyT · 12/01/2022 17:05

DH has been kind, considerate and caring to DS and I over the last few weeks and I am now second guessing myself and the need to leave. I think this is all for show and is a form of manipulation to confuse me?

I just need someone else to confirm to me I’m thinking straight. I am so used to questioning my thoughts, feelings and actions that I can’t seem to get past that mindset that I am not thinking straight. I think I’m right to be unconvinced that his niceness is real and is just to lull us back into usual life. They don’t change do they?

OP posts:

LittleOwl153 · 12/01/2022 17:11

If his previous behaviour is what lead you to think you need to leave then no he hasn't changed. How old is DS? Is the show for him to make sure he chooses him for main parent because I'm lovely aren't I not like your mother who is pulling the family apart?

Aquamarine1029 · 12/01/2022 17:13

If he's abusive, you've told him you're leaving, and now he's being Mr. Wonderful, yes, you are being manipulated. He's trying to trick you into staying.

Looubylou · 12/01/2022 17:15

Not much to go on here, but if his behaviour has been bad enough to make you want to leave, and he knows your plans, then almost certainly you are being manipulated. Even if he is unaware of your plans. Lots of abusive men are inconsistent - it's part of the abusive cycle.

BitchyHen · 12/01/2022 19:53

Yep, he's in the nice phase at the moment. That's what keeps you in the relationship, but it won't last because the nasty side of him is the real him. Don't doubt yourself.

Darkstar4855 · 12/01/2022 19:56

Yes, my abusive ex used to do this whenever he thought he’d pushed me too far and I was close to leaving. They don’t change, they’re just very good at playing the game.

LolaButt · 12/01/2022 20:14

I remember your post over New Years. Didn’t he put you both in hospital? I hope you’re ok and manage to get out.

Yes I think he manipulates you.

ponkydonkey · 12/01/2022 20:35

Yes he knows you'd be crazy to stay so he's going to make sure you do

Keep making your plans to leave

Sooner the better

He can't keep it up forever...

comedycentral · 12/01/2022 20:39

Yes he's manipulating you. He put you both in hospital less than a fortnight ago, don't believe him.

Thedogscollar · 12/01/2022 20:57

I posted on your previous thread at New Year @FluffyT
You said then he beat you and your son black and blue you were both in A&E.

He will never change. Yes he is absolutely manipulating you. Don't be fooled by him or you can be assured that what happened at Xmas will happen again.

Your plan was to leave in April as you couldn't go sooner. Please approach whatever services you can to get this man out of your home and out of your life.

Don't live this life. You deserve better as does your son. Goodluck.

Sn0tnose · 12/01/2022 21:23

No, they never change.

Just do whatever it takes to keep yourself and your son safe until you can get out.

billy1966 · 12/01/2022 21:25

@Aquamarine1029

If he's abusive, you've told him you're leaving, and now he's being Mr. Wonderful, yes, you are being manipulated. He's trying to trick you into staying.

This.

Forge ahead with your plans.

DoubleYouOhEmAyEn · 12/01/2022 21:35

They don't change. They just try for a while which is really really difficult for them so they eventually revert to type when they forget themselves. dont turn back, keep going with ypur plan to leave.

madisonbridges · 12/01/2022 21:37

He put you in hospital? I think that would have been useful information to have. If he's a Damascene conversion, best you view it from a distance.

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 12/01/2022 21:39

Any possibilty of a back story/link to other info?

Mrstamborineman · 12/01/2022 21:41

This is a classic trick of pretending to be the man you want him to be.
He will never change for good, he doesn’t care about your needs - only about his twisted version of winning.

Juniper68 · 12/01/2022 21:42

@LolaButt

I remember your post over New Years. Didn’t he put you both in hospital? I hope you’re ok and manage to get out.

Yes I think he manipulates you.

If that's true I'm amazed the ds isn't under protection?

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 12/01/2022 22:13

I've just found your New year's eve post.
Do NOT get sucked in by this man. You must think of your son, do NOT be that mum who lets her children down.
You have started to get stuff together so keep strong and plough on. Get any help you can, don't take no for an answer and keep posting on here. There are many wise women who can give you great advice and point you in the right direction and there are others like me, who might not know the practicalities but will simultaneously hold your hand and kick your ass to help you through it! Xx

Flip