To ask you to talk me out of a third

[theqentity]

I have a 7yo with complex additional needs, who happy and a joy to be around but attends a SEN school and requires a lot of support. A 3.5yo who is NT and brilliant, but very feisty and rambunctious.

I'm getting over three years of ill health, which started off as post natal psychosis and developed into severe anxiety, also a raft of health issues caused by being burnt out from a series of stressful life events.

I am 40. Overweight. Two previous c sections. HG through both pregnancies resulting in a lot of consultant-led care. Healthy babies though.

I'm getting 'the itch', which I genuinely never thought would happen. I was v much 'this shop is closed' after I had DC2 and it's really taken me by surprise.

DH does not want a third. We can afford a third but we would have to move house to accommodate them.

It doesn't make sense at all but it's all I can think about and I'm finding it hard to sleep at night now it's entered my mind that I could. I've started feeling sad when I see birth announcements again.

Can I get over this or will I regret it forever if I don't go for it? Obviously I wouldn't go for it without DH consent.

Ignore it. It’s just your hormones because of your age.

You’ve got to think how a third would impact 1 and 2, and how you’ll look after DC number 2 when they leave school- a third would still be young then and may struggle for time and attention.

I think it is just an age thing. My husband had the snip so I'm glad the option was taken off the table but I've also had moments of thinking about it.
I think that as we hit 40 there is something pre programmed in us that says the window is shutting.
It doesn't necessarily mean it's something you want, more a hormonal reaction you can't control. Don't let that over ride your other senses

Prioritise your existing children
Theres not a single thing in what youve written that suggests another child is a good idea or in the best interests of your family

Your health isn't on your side. You're at higher risk that your baby may have SEN. Or multiples. You don't have the space so you would need to move. Your dh doesn't want one. What if you have another one and your physical and mental health slides back? You've got two children to look after already. I think it would be really really foolish to roll the dice again for a third. What will another one give you that your existing two don't?

If you want something to cuddle and nurture, get a puppy. I reckon your longing for a baby is your hormones trying to convince you to have one last hoorah. Ignore it.

There's too many reasons for you not to do it. It sounds like it wouldn't be fair on the existing children or a new baby.