Okay mumsnet be harsh, be honest, i need this and need to know if i should split from partner as a result of this.
General background: single mum living in eng with 1 dc. He sees his dad one night a week and i get 32£ month in cms. My monthly bills for rent, council tax, gas+electric, water and internet alone are 1k and i also pay nursery fees of 360 which i do get 85% help with. I take him about 1600 a month as ive had to reduce hours due to childcare. No option to work nights or weekends for extra money also due to childcare.
So not from england originally. I broke up eith ds dad last year with the intent of moving home to be by family as it is crippling me in many ways, ds dad lets us down frequently even though it is only one night/day a week he has him. Im having to use annual leave hours in work as nursery closes at 6 and im meant to work until 8 so they give me 2 hours leave a week on a set day to help me meet my current already reduced hours, as a result i have hardly any leave for the year.
Current situation: stayed here as met dp last year (been together a year) it was very soon after my break up, at the start it was more emotional support but it grew into something alot more. I had lost 3 stone was depressed, crying, on medication etc and now i am (perhaps sadly heavier than i was at the start 😅 and generally coping better with mental health). We had a good year and discussions have started to come about perhaps moving further to him, he knows i struggle as i am literally by myself no friend support and i have no carers leave left in work and yet again ds dad cant take him this week and hasnt for the past 2 so i take unpaid leave at short notice. I have said to my partner i feel as though i have no option but to move home for more support. His response is that he feels like he does support me. For record he comes qnd atays in my house 3/4 nights a week and does not contribute financially usually stays sun-wed and either works from home here or goes into the office which us closer to my house ( for record he lives 1.5 hr away and i dont drive so he always does the travelling down). On my part though i do all the cooking, cleaninf, buying of food, wash and iron his clothes, he keeps clothes here, baths daily etc and really he is definitely costing me more basically living with me half the week. For the other half he goes back to his mums to be with his own daughter.
His family history: he lives with his mum and sibling. They have 4 rental properties they lease out and a large family home and live comfortably.
He suggests i move down his way with my ds, the arrangement would be i rent privately somewhere and he said he could see me more in the evenings or stay over more and itl be easier as we are close together. In his own words it shouldnt cose too much itl only be about 2k by the time u pay rental fees and get some new furniture etc (clearly i cant afford this i dont have 2k and i was upset he basically is using me as a halfway house and can stay more often qnd also go back to his mums while im still paying for everything financially)
He then says i am going to do up the outhouse in his mums place into a 3 bed apartment with kitchen etc for him and his child to live in so they have more space as he doesnt want to feel as though hes living with his mum any.ore and wants to get a bigger deposit for a mortgage. This also upset me as he comments should only cost about 5-7k not alot. Thats ALOT for me and i feel like hes asking me to spend money i dont have to be closer to gim while he sets himself up with a nice house in his mums garden with no thought as to me and him.
Qn: is he just looking out for himself here? Would u stay with him? I too would love my own place and a mortgage but im not in a place where i can afford to save.
Sorry for the long post really struggling emotionally today to see if i am being unreasonable or not i feel like he just assumes i can afford all this and is too busy setting himself up for security while im struggling. He says he wants to be together and have a life together yet he couldnt even offer to watch ds for 2 hours afterr nursery yet he wants us to move close to him claiming he can support and help by calling round more in the evenings and staying over more???? Not the type of help i need