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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Cake or death?

51 replies

BringBackCoffeeCreams · 12/01/2022 09:44

This isn't so much an AIBU as a WWYD but I really want to see the poll results.

So, I'm morbidly obsese and have been for many years. I finally got to the underlying condition, sleep apnea, and following treatment my weight started going down, Every week for 2 years it went down. I lost 5 stone and was not far off being out of the morbidly obeses zone.

Then something changed and I was eating all the time again. I just couldn't control it and my weight started going up again. I felt like utter shit. Towards the end of last year I realised the change coincided with me starting treatment for high blood pressure. Turns out blood pressure medicine can cause rapid weight gain. So I stopped taking it and quickly went back to losing weight again

But of course my blood pressure went up again. So a couple of weeks ago my doctor prescripted another medicine which apparantly doesn't cause that overwelming hunger feeling. Two weeks in and it's starting again. The 'hunger' is increasing and I'm finding it harder and harder to control what I eat.

So I'm in the position that I either take the cake (medicine) and my weight goes up. So I'll start to lose mobility again, and my mental health will fall apart. Or I stop taking it and risk death (heart attack, stroke) but hopefully this will lead to continued weight loss and eventually not having a problem with high blood pressure. My doctor is very much about dealing with the immediate problem, the high blood pressure, and doesn't seem particularly interested in the impact that has on my life.

So what would you do?

Cake (take the meds) - AIBU
Death (don't take the meds) - YANBU

OP posts:

Reallycantbesarsed · 12/01/2022 12:33

Which meds were you taking that increased your appetite?

Thecurtainsofdestiny · 12/01/2022 12:35

There are lots of options for treating high blood pressure OP. You could ask the GP to work with you to find one that doesn't increase appetite.

IamfromBarcelona · 12/01/2022 12:45

I’m sorry OP that sounds so miserable.
I voted YABU because stroke/death is debilitating/permanent, whereas the hunger is benign/temporary. Although after reading the description by PP about the discomfort of the compulsion to eat it does sound awful.
It almost sounds like constant nagging anxiety?

I agree with PPs though- there has to be a third option here! Do try to get a second opinion.

HunkyPunk · 12/01/2022 12:52

Isn’t weight loss one of the main routes to lowering blood pressure?
I would be asking if it’s raised blood pressure over a lengthy time which is the danger, rather than in the short term, and if weight loss (which in your case is facilitated by not taking the medication) might be a better long term option than remaining obese and having to take meds for the rest of your life.

I’m not convinced that cake or death are the only options. I would get a second opinion, maybe privately, to see if you could stop the meds safely for a given period of time, closely monitored, in which you could concentrate on a weight loss programme and see if your bp starts to come down. I can’t help thinking that maintained weight loss is going to be better overall for your health in the long term. Good luck, op.

BeepBoopBop · 12/01/2022 12:54

Have you tried intermittent fasting? I found that as soon as I knew I could eat at a certain time, I was able to wait until that time. So, if you look into Jason Chung and his book the Obesity Code, it explains how the hormones interact. It may help you feel in control to know that you can have a lovely steak and a few fries at 6pm (or whenever) and bulk out the meal with healthy (green) veg. It is very, very hard OP and hunger hormone production and pre-disposition to weight gain is in the genes. You are not greedy, but this is controllable. Other things to try are - drinking water, going for a walk, doing a job you have been putting off, my fitness pal, and finally, if I'm starving in the evening, I'll go to bed early!

sillysmiles · 12/01/2022 13:09

As this is purely a drug reaction I would go back to your GP, or get a second opinion, and look for an alternative blood pressure medication.

Any other life altering side effect of a medication would not be ignored and you wouldn't be expected to just get on with it, so why this one?

jackfrosttoes · 12/01/2022 13:10

Go back to your gp and explain your cake or death dilemma, you need alternative meds and a referral to a weekly clinic to help with weight loss so both conditions improve together @BringBackCoffeeCreams

Much sympathy - there has to be a better solution than the binary choice you've got there.

hivemindneeded · 12/01/2022 13:28

If you absolutely can't stop the meds, then I highly recommend the very low carb/paleo type diets that ban all processed carbs. They can be fiddly to stick to but they really crush carb cravings. They release you from that perpetual nagging hunger.

Try a few days of living on eggs, chicken, fresh fish and meat (i.e. not coated in breadcrumbs or sauces) full fat greek yoghurt, salads and green veg. If you don;t get cravings, you could keep on that diet and the eds. And probably lose weight too. Worth a try.

If that doesn't work, Id be tempted to come off the medication and continue to lose weight, which wil help with blood pressure, whilst lowering the blood pressure as much as possible through meditation and self hypnosis, swimming, walking and stretching etc. people might say that's putting you in danger, but so is your weight creeping back up to morbid obesity. You know which choice makes you feel more in control, healthy and more on the right path towards long term health.

sillysmiles · 12/01/2022 13:36

*If you absolutely can't stop the meds, then I highly recommend the very low carb/paleo type diets that ban all processed carbs. They can be fiddly to stick to but they really crush carb cravings. They release you from that perpetual nagging hunger.

Is it though? That's sounds like a completely joyless and unsustainable lifestyle and one that would consume your life.

Ohshittt · 12/01/2022 13:37

This sounds really tough as it's clear you are driven enough to lose the weight, you must be so frustrated. Are you drinking any calories? That's a good place to cut them back; diet drinks, semi skimmed milk in tea with sweetners rather than sugar. At the minute I'm not on an actual diet but I am trying trying be mindful before I eat something, do I really need/want it? Could I perhaps have half of what I was going to eat and see if that controls the hunger? Do you enjoy any activities you could distract yourself with when the hunger urge takes over? Wordsearch etc? Definitely go back to the doctor though! I hope all works out for you 😊.

ThreeLocusts · 12/01/2022 13:44

Hi OP, it does sound like you need a third option - a different medication, hopefully, that doesn't lead to cravings. As PP said expecting you to just resist the craving is not likely to work, and gaining weight will drive your blood pressure up and your mood down. So neither cake nor death:)

Deliaskis · 12/01/2022 13:50

I agree with others, these shouldn't be your only two options. I would be asking for a referral to more specialist care. Given the clearly evidenced connection between weight and a whole range of cardiometabolic conditions (including high blood pressure), it's not good advice in the medium or long term to take meds which cause you to gain weight. The single biggest thing that you can do to improve your overall health is to lose weight, but you know that, you were doing brilliantly at it, it just seems like your Dr isn't really appreciating that the meds prescribed are making it virtually impossible to do that. You need more specialist advice.

ExConstance · 12/01/2022 13:52

I wonder if our blood pressure might come down a lot more if you went right down to healthy weight? Some years ago I was very overweight and had high blood pressure. When I lost the weight and took up eating in a more healthy way my blood pressure went down to normal levels. Could you discuss with your doctor coming off the medication for say, 6 months, to see if you can reduce weight further and with it the high blood pressure?

Lime37 · 12/01/2022 15:01

I have had a vsg which is weight loss surgery. It’s massively changed my life. I would recommend to any one x

Butteryflakycrust83 · 12/01/2022 15:14

@Lime37

I have had a vsg which is weight loss surgery. It’s massively changed my life. I would recommend to any one x

And how does that work if medication makes you uncontrollably hungry?

Zilla1 · 12/01/2022 15:20

Depending on where you live and your medical history, it might be worth asking for a referral. Some patients have found benefits from an injectable of a GLP1-agonist if they are approved for weight loss where you live and suitable for you www.pulsetoday.co.uk/news/clinical-areas/obesity-and-nutrition/nice-approves-new-weight-loss-treatment-for-high-risk-obese-patients/?

Sittingonabench · 12/01/2022 15:38

This is a tough one because arguably if you find the right balance and get your weight down over a year or so then your blood pressure will balance, be healthier longer term and you will be protected from other serious health complications. So on the face of it this would be the best thing to do but obviously the immediate risk is quite real and severe. I would go back and try a different medication and see if that helps, maybe discuss dosage as well. It might be either or isn’t feasible but finding a balance so you can lose weight ( maybe slower) while still controlling BP

hivemindneeded · 12/01/2022 15:55

@sillysmiles

Is it though? That's sounds like a completely joyless and unsustainable lifestyle and one that would consume your life.

You really think so @sillysmiles? More joyless and unsustainable than morbid obesity?

You can have eggs florentine for breakfast, tuna salad for lunch, steak and steamed veg for dinner or a spag bol-type sauce with riced cauliflower.

I don;t the the OP's life is much fun now, either ballooning in weight and scarfing down carbs or staying off a life-saving medicine.

Why would you dissuade her from giving this a go for a few days as suggested to see if it helps with the cravings?

sillysmiles · 12/01/2022 16:17

Why would you dissuade her from giving this a go for a few days as suggested to see if it helps with the cravings?

Because it is a medical issue - driven by the medication she is taking. It's not fair to expect her to be able to deal with this drug induced side effect and the main impact that I can see is imposing a sense of guilt and shaming on the OP because she can't control her eating - when it isn't within her remit to control - because it is drug induced.

rainyskylight · 12/01/2022 16:33

Another vote here for you needing a second opinion and a more nuanced treatment plan. Long term, being off the meds should mean you are healthier overall. The GP seems to be solving the immediate problem and creating long term problems. Ask for a referral or a second opinion. Those drugs are not working for you.

rainyskylight · 12/01/2022 16:34

I also agree with PP that it's completely unreasonable for all these people to advise you to drink a glass of water rather than eat. If your eating is being driven by the medication then that's what should be addressed. The idea that you can override powerful medication is ridiculous and patronising.

BiscuitLover3678 · 12/01/2022 16:36

Op you’ve got to sort it out. Have you been to a counsellor, hypnotherapist or something? It’s possible to ignore hunger if it’s real hunger so it is something you CAN have control over, you just need help.

Getyourjinglebellsinarow · 12/01/2022 16:39

Take the meds and your health will steadily decline. Don't take the meds and you gamble between rapid health decline or improvement. I'd take the gamble and use it to really motivate your weight loss. You're racing your weight really.

sillysmiles · 12/01/2022 16:49

Have you been to a counsellor, hypnotherapist or something? It’s possible to ignore hunger if it’s real hunger so it is something you CAN have control over, you just need help.

Or change the meds that are causing it......

Dillydollydingdong · 12/01/2022 16:56

There are lots of blood pressure meds. Keep changing until you find one that doesn't make you feel hungry. And loads of people suffer from high BP but they don't all suffer from this problem. Have you considered bariatric surgery? I know it sounds drastic but it can work.

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