To not contribute to leaving collection

[popppi]

When;

1. There's 2 leaving at the same time
2. I've only been with the company for 7 weeks
3. I've never met either or had any direct interaction with either (other than than saying hi on teams once in a team meeting)
4. Collection being done via bank transfer (in office days would have put a few quid in each collection/card but feel embarrassed and tight about doing that over bank transfer, or is that better than nothing?)
5. Money is not abundant for me right now

Incase it's not clear; we're being asked by 2 separate people to contribute to 2 separate leavers, it's not a joint thing.

Yanbu

YANBU. I wouldn't contribute either and wouldn't feel bad about it as there as just too many collections.

YANBU. You don't know them!

I wouldn't contribute or sign a card if I haven't worked or known someone for quite a while.

I wouldn’t be giving anything. You barely know these people.

YANBU, you don't know them.

How is the request coming to you? If this is a message to a whole team or organisation, alerting to the fact that there are collections then it absolutely fine to ignore it and I don;t think anyone would reasonably expect you to respond but it would be difficult to remove you from these mailing lists.

If you are getting direct messages telling you to contribute or asking why you have not, that's a different story and would be really out of order.

I wouldn't contribute under these circumstances either and when I've had this situation as a manager - organising a card and collection but knowing there is a new person who hasn't worked with the leaver, I'd normally send a follow-up email to that new employee saying, "you'll have noticed there is a collection but don;t worry, there's no obligation for you to participate, I know you barely know John and don;t want to put you in an awkward position". Most folk are grateful to be reassured but some will say that they want to contribute because John has been really helpful in getting them settled in, and that's fine too. I would normally expect three months to be the point in our team where I would stop treating the new person as new and therefore not send the follow-up message.

How many people was the invite sent to?

I've just managed a collection for a well loved member of staff who been in the company 8 years. You're right that people felt obliged online to give minimum £5, often £10. I don't believe this would the case in person.

However I was also surprised how many people just didn't contribute at all, people who are good friends with this person. Whether that's laziness / forgetfulness or the need to be careful with expenses I will never know, and I don't remotely judge anyone.

If everyone had given £5/10 the pot would have been embarrassingly huge so it worked out well tbh! Just ignore the request.

If questioned just look blank and say 'oh I assumed that wasn't aimed at me as I've never met or spoken to them'. But I doubt you will be questioned. It's an unwritten rule of these things- send people an invite to contribute but don't press them.

That's a nope from me, you don't know these people and I'd surprised you were asked.

I would just ignore the emails. If they ask you directly (which I hope they wouldn't!) just say you've never met them

Just decline

YANBU. I get fed up with requests. If I had a good relationship with the leaver, even if it's purely professional, Id contribute. Otherwise I'll contribute 50p if that.

I've recently returned to work after being off sick for over 3 months. While I was off sick I got text messages asking for contributions for leaving gifts and for someone who's dad had died to buy flowers. Although I did contribute, as I liked the people concerned, I also wondered why I didn't get as much as a Get Well Soon card when I fell off my bike and needed surgery on my badly broken shoulder.

Just ignore the emails no one in their right mind would expect you to contribute

PS I have in the past refused point blank because both people concerned were annoying feckers and I hated every minute of working with them!

YANBU. I've been in my job years and I only contribute to collections for people I felt really fond of and/or worked really closely with. For me, this equates to only a handful of collections in the last 7 years.

New people don't give to collections, although if the collection is for the person training you, and they've been invaluable to you, you might feel inclined.

In your case, not knowing these two people, I absolutely would not donate.

When I left my last job, I quietly explained to my boss and best "work friend" that I wanted no collection under any circumstances and if one formed naturally inside my leaving card, to please donate it to our company charity. I intend to do the same at this job ahead of my maternity leave this year.

In short: I generally dislike collections but I will get on board if I like someone enough.

Not unreasonable. For all the reasons you mentioned.

BTW OP, if you're wondering how you politely but firmly say "no" to the collectee it is by ignoring them first and foremost. Usually this is enough of a statement. If they are then socially lacking enough to specifically ask you why you have not donated, you give any of the reasons above. At least you don't have to look them in the eye whilst you say it.

Present organising is awkward especially during covid. It's really hard decided to include or exclude people from collection. Even for people who have worked there longer there will be some who don't have much to do with the person leaving. And others who are very friendly despite not having an obvious work connection. I don't like to make the choice, so usually include just our immediate team. Or our wider team, or the building depending on circumstance. I am well aware the email will not be relevant to some people but feel awkward making individual decisions on how close I think people are.

I expect those who don't want know the person or can't contribute just to ignore. Also when checking bank I am checking for any amounts towards present so I catch them all, I see names but don't really care or remember who paid what.

Obviously everyone is different but I expect most people are similar to me and bothered about totalling money and sorting gift in time rather than who paid what.

Thanks all.

Both collection details were sent to the generic team (approx 20 people). No pressure has been put on me specifically and I doubt it will! I'm reasonably new to the office world and wanted to make sure I wasn't making a faux pas.

@popppi

Thanks all.

Both collection details were sent to the generic team (approx 20 people). No pressure has been put on me specifically and I doubt it will! I'm reasonably new to the office world and wanted to make sure I wasn't making a faux pas.

You're fine. If anything they'd think it odd if you did contribute.

I would certainly not contribute to a leaving present for someone I’ve never met.

I've had this dilemma as well recently (and I've worked here for ages). Asked to contribute to a leaving collection for someone I do know, but not very well, and never worked with, just happened to sit near. email only went to about 10 people as she hadn't been with us very long so presumably the organiser was trying to think of as many people as they could to try and get a better amount. Like you say in office days I'd have chucked a quid in the envelope, but being included on a small group to bank transfer does make you feel pressured to send a decent amount, so in the end I ignored the email and felt bad about it!

This is just one point of anecdata, but I've done a few of these bank transfer collections since we all went WFH. I'd say somewhere around 40% of people contributed, and I genuinely didn't pay attention to who. So if my experience is anything to go by, you won't be the only one not contributing and shouldn't be noticed or judged for it.

I wouldn't contribute either, also the person leaving may read the card and think who the hell is popppi !