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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

8 year old and electronics

33 replies

Teambluemuma13 · 11/01/2022 18:51

So my youngest seems to be obsessed with electronics....
He is currently on an electronics ban as he was caught 4 nights in 1 week sneaking his TV on late at night. He is alway honest when asked if he did it, to be honest the ratty behaviour and red eyes prevent him from being able to lie but that's that.
Well tonight after picking him up from nanans I asked h to go upstairs get changed and get his uniform ready for the next day. I come upstairs after calling him to find him in his pants and school jumper watching YouTube on his ipad! His ipad was in my room in my drawers so he had gone out of his way to get it.
Obviously out of sight out of mind failed!
What can I do? He is just like me and needs his sleep so him sneaking stuff is not the one and affects him the next day. I feel awful and a failure.

OP posts:

MsWalterMitty · 11/01/2022 18:55

Does he have a telly in his room?… I’d remove it if so.

Can you change the password on the ipad so he needs you to access it for him?

GrazingSheep · 11/01/2022 18:58

I think a complete detox from screens might help. At least a couple of months.
But definitely remove the tv from his room and put a pin on the iPad

KewMummy87 · 11/01/2022 18:59

Does he have a tv in his room? If I were you that would go straight away. Ditto the iPad. Put it properly away.

Screens are fine if children are watching/playing good stuff. In my book, Minecraft, CBBC, lots of the switch games are fine. Most tv on channels with adverts, YouTube and most free to download games are absolute trash and are not fine.

8 is so young. It’s not unusual among parents I know for children not to have any screen apart from the family tv at 8.

SituationCritical · 11/01/2022 19:00

Change the wi-fi password so his devices are not connected to the Internet even if he does find where they are hidden.
Remove TV from his room.

KewMummy87 · 11/01/2022 19:01

Also, with your example from tonight, it seems a good opportunity to talk to him about why the iPad is not ok during the school week. As a pp said, put a pin on it or just put it properly away. I have no idea where our iPad is - I had a similar situation in the first lockdown and put it somewhere. Probably on top of a kitchen cupboard or something! (Should try to remember before we move…)

LuchiMangsho · 11/01/2022 19:02

The iPad can be password protected quite easily and so can most devices except the TV.

TimeForTeaAndG · 11/01/2022 19:04

Remove any screens from his room, all electronics downstairs only. That's the consequence for being up late on them.

I'd also give a further consequence for removing it from your room as well.

BurbageBrook · 11/01/2022 19:06

It is bonkers that he has a TV in his room age 8 so get rid of that for a start.

MrsToadflax · 11/01/2022 19:09

Definitely remove his TV - no child needs a TV in their room. Start getting him to earn screen time by doing chores. TBH this situation worries me and is the reason my DC (younger than yours) only have access to the family TV. No iPads, phones or games consoles. I know it's inevitable, but I'm not looking forward to negotiating with them on screen time.

Original poster

Teambluemuma13 · 11/01/2022 19:21

So yes he does have a TV in his room, it's always off and he reads for the hour before bed. We believe most things in small doses are OK in this house. We had removed the remote and subsequently the power cable after the 4th incident.
Ipad - is locked between 7pm and 8am and has a timer of 1.5 hours on it. So it locks itself after he has used his time up.

My issue is his lack of self control not the amount of screen time he has as this is hugely monitored.
How do you teach a child self control if absolutely everything is removed?

OP posts:

Original poster

Teambluemuma13 · 11/01/2022 19:25

I appreciate this reply, I will set this as a boundary until trust is rebuilt and after a bit of electronic detox! Thank you for the suggestion

OP posts:

JanuaryBluehoo · 11/01/2022 19:28

You can not expect an 8 year old to be excersise such self control!!

That's not fair!!

I think you are in the wrong for putting a TV in his room and then expecting him to not want to watch it!!.
Such restraint is learned behavior and usually over many years.

I would remove the TV.

Let him have a tablet, watch it for x time a day then remove it at night.

KewMummy87 · 11/01/2022 19:43

@JanuaryBluehoo I agree. These electronics are designed to be addictive. It’s really unfair to expect an 8 year old to be able to exercise more self control than most adults.

Achievement at school has little to do with the reasons a tv in a child’s bedroom is harmful.

DeepaBeesKit · 11/01/2022 19:43

I don't know any 8 year olds with tvs in their bedrooms....

But then I think I socialise with people who are very careful about screen time. Among my friends a 1.5 hour daily limit of iPad time would be considered too much on week days when in addition to tv.

What else does he like to play with? Lego? Board games etc?

I'd take the tv out of his room for starters.

JanuaryBluehoo · 11/01/2022 20:00

I'm not against screens at all.
My high achieving dd used to watch lots but usually earned extra time on what ever screen in the week.
We weren't particularly strict but it just wouldn't give screens alone in the rooms and expect small children to curtail themselves and then punish them.
I would apologise to him and say you had unrealistic expectations and it's not fair and you don't want him to think your punishing him for your mistakes.

Agree new times and rules and let him earn more time if nessecrry.

But.. Don't leave him again with untrammeled TV

Elisheva · 11/01/2022 20:15

I’m not sure how children can ever learn self control around screens if the adults around them constantly monitor and restrict the time they spend on them. My children can use their screens (tv/iPad/phone/Xbox/switch) whenever they want, for as long as they want. There are expectations in place around homework and chores. They have to be up and ready for school in time, with bags packed. They have to go to bed and to sleep at bed time. They attend several clubs/hobbies. But their downtime is for them to do as they please.
I have friends who restrict their kids to an hour (or whatever) a day, and they say that the kids would be on them all the time if not. But that hasn’t been my experience at all. I think if they have free access then it becomes less desirable.

SlashBeef · 11/01/2022 20:17

Shouldn't have a TV in his room, in my opinion. That would take care of that problem.

SlashBeef · 11/01/2022 20:19

As for the comments about 8 years old is too young for a TV that is your opinion not ours. He is over achieving in every aspect of his education except handwriting so I do not believe his TV is hindering his progression in any way.
Except he is missing out on essential sleep for his growth and development and watching god knows what during the night. Christ.

isthisit83 · 11/01/2022 20:30

@Elisheva I really think it depends on the child and that you got lucky. My DS age 4 has no problem watching tv ALL DAY. As in 6am to bedtime with a couple breaks for food. He loves other things but will always choose the tv and does not get bored of it.

user1493494961 · 11/01/2022 20:35

You can't complain that he's watching TV and not sleeping when he has a TV in his room, bonkers.

rrhuth · 11/01/2022 20:39

@Teambluemuma13

So yes he does have a TV in his room, it's always off and he reads for the hour before bed. We believe most things in small doses are OK in this house. We had removed the remote and subsequently the power cable after the 4th incident. Ipad - is locked between 7pm and 8am and has a timer of 1.5 hours on it. So it locks itself after he has used his time up.

My issue is his lack of self control not the amount of screen time he has as this is hugely monitored.
How do you teach a child self control if absolutely everything is removed?

If you are so sure the TV and devices are fine, why are you posting with concerns about him watching TV and using devices

The excessive monitoring, control etc sounds shit.

Get rid of the devices, after a week he will be happier.

He has no self control because he is 8.

MrsTerryPratchett · 11/01/2022 20:57

No one should have a TV in the bedroom. They are terrible for sleep in adults as well.

m1shap3 · 11/01/2022 21:06

@GrazingSheep

I think a complete detox from screens might help. At least a couple of months. But definitely remove the tv from his room and put a pin on the iPad

This

MrsToadflax · 11/01/2022 21:07

Op the first line of your post literally says your DS is 'obsessed' with electronics. Everyone replies that a key issue is allowing him a TV in his room and then you just say you believe everything in small doses is fine. Obviously it's not fine for your DS, as he is now 'obsessed.' There is no reason for a TV in a young child's room. Why not be open-minded and take it away for a month and see what impact it has?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 11/01/2022 21:45

I wouldn’t have a TV in his room. It’s there all the time so is a constant temptation.

My Ds (nearly 8) does have a tablet - and I do worry about his complete love for the tablet- but it can be removed easily and kept out of the room at night/ when he’s not meant to be using it.

I think lockdown has made kids much more addicted to screens - even there schooling has been on screens for long periods. When I’ve been working with Ds st home, he’s been on screens more than he should.

Positively doing other things - getting out and about when we can, encouraging play with things like lego - seems to work better than making it about what he’s not to do, ie screens.

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