to think the response to my health issue is an example of how women's issues are just not taken seriously...

[stappit]

...or am I asking too much? I had my child 3 years ago. Recently had sex for the first time since having a baby and noticed it was painful and uncomfortable. Also notice a small amount of leaking when jumping or sneezing. Presumed this was a normal part of having a baby until I saw a post from an angry gynae telling women they do not have to live with this. Prompted me to go to the docs, saw a nurse who told me that the front wall of my vagina is very soft and my bladder is pushing through. Told to google pelvic floor exercises. That's it. No check to see if I'm doing them right, no offer of physio, etc. I had told her I'd been doing pelvic floor exercises already so was clearly doing them wrong or they weren't working. Her answer was to look on the NHS website.

I literally cannot feel my partner during sex (she said it's probably the condom...), I have pain, I feel a bulge in my vagina at the end of the day, I can't hold a tampon in, and the advice is to go on google and do the same exercises I've been doing for years.

In tears at home now. I don't want the vagina of a 20 year old, I just want to feel vaguely normal and taken seriously.

Can anyone help?

Have you looked into vaginoplasty? It's a pretty routine cosmetic surgery these days. Generally it's not available on the NHS though because it's only quality of life that is affected rather than completely debilitating.

@MorningStarling

Have you looked into vaginoplasty? It's a pretty routine cosmetic surgery these days. Generally it's not available on the NHS though because it's only quality of life that is affected rather than completely debilitating.

Not before I've done everything else I can and am done having children...

Wouldn't it be great if there was someone at a gp's who was a specialist in women's health

Book another appointment with the doctor not the nurse and discuss it with them.
I'm almost the same as you but sex is not painful as I have a prolapse and have been referred to a gynae specialist. I can't use tampons anymore either and I hate pads.
If you have no luck, try another doctor.

I know its shit having to keep trying as you should be listened to straight away but don't give up!

Can you self refer to a women’s physio? I did this (not for same issues though) after a forceps birth a few years ago.

@Lorelaithe1st

Can you self refer to a women’s physio? I did this (not for same issues though) after a forceps birth a few years ago.

Only in the first three months after giving birth. I'm three years down the line sadly...

You are right that attitudes are terrible so you might have to insist on getting help. See the GP and ask to be referred to women's physio. When you are finished having babies ask to be referred to gynae.

Can you be referred to a gynae nurse for a ring pessary? I've got one for a prolapse and it's really helped.

I have encountered similar many times - went to the doctor as a young mum many years ago as I had terrible back pain and sciatica. Doctor told me it's part of life and I just needed to get on with it and grow up. (I was early twenties with 3 young children).
More recently went as I had a baker's cyst behind my knee. They did refer me for an ultrasound to rule out a bloodclot, but the follow-up to that was a message from the nurse advising they had found a cyst and to google for further info.

I went to the GP with a minor health issue and was told it isn’t important and doesn’t need anything done. I said I have private insurance to cover the cost and immediately they said yes you should have surgery then, we’ll write a referral letter. 🤷‍♀️

I feel horrible. I'm sure my new partner can tell too. I feel like sex is just pointless now and I'm only 29

I’d make apt with gp ideally one specialising in womens health (might say on website) will probably be a few weeks off.
Take notes with you - be specific - times and problems - leaking urine, unable use tampon etc.
Say you say nurse on x she recommended exercise but already been doing. You have done exercises exactly as she said but made no difference. Please can be referred to physio or gynae.

Couldn’t read and run. I don’t have children so no personal experience of this, but as a woman I’m appalled on your behalf and it is complete unacceptable to be treated that way. Lots of good advice above from PPs, you need to see a GP and get appropriate referral.

Honestly it is maddening being a woman sometimes. I spent years in agony every month and it took an MC for me to discover the root of the problem. I was told for almost 2 decades I just had a “low pain threshold” and needed to be tougher.

Do not take no for an answer.

You can see a private womens physio any time post birth whether its 3 months or 3 years - look up mummy mot physios in your area

Yes, it frustrates me when I see excellent women's physios like Gussie Grips on Twitter urging us to "do yer blardy exercises" and not to put up with leaking and I think...

...Yes! Absolutely, but now I'm aware and I'm doing my exercises, I'm not sure I'm doing them right, it doesn't seem to be making the difference I'm told it should, but I can't get a medical professional to take it seriously.

I'm looking in to private physio.

If you have a weakened pelvic floor then pelvic floor exercises are the most logical next step.

I don't think it's a case of them not being willing to help but this is a standard medical thing - work on the most obvious issues first. If they don't resolve the issue, do more investigations.

Did you not do pelvic floor exercises when you were pregnant or after giving birth?

See a private woman’s physio - I had the same

Gynae care in the UK is terrible. We should be having a full Gynae check up every year or two.

I'm so sorry your having these issues. Im not sure on options, other than perhaps escalating with gp office/requesting referral. If they refuse ask them to note their refusal. It sounds like you are doing the exercises so keep going back and voicing your concerns.

GP? I know peeps back in 1990s who managed to get recuperative surgery after last child but it doesn't always work well.

Try Sharny and Julius pelvic floor exercises. I've also tried PF as per NHS, did nothing. S&J had results in a week. I got the recommendation off a MN thread a few years ago. There are other courses or influencers/private women's physics out there too, I read through a few before spending around £40 plus £15 on love eggs from Lovehoney for S&J. I think using the love eggs definitely made a difference.

£40 on the online course I should say.

Please ask for a referral to a women's physio. It doesn't matter if it's 3 months after birth or 3 years. It's always good to have guided care.

My women's physio gave me a pelvic floor exerciser (an entirely mechanical little contraption) that helped me understand if I was doing my exercises right and if my muscles were getting any stronger at all over time. There are other electrical aids like Tenscare but I found this very helpful and my symptoms were very similar to yours (I'm lazy and did not follow through as well as I should have ... but when I practised, it helped) For what is worth, it was called Neen pelvic floor exerciser indicator.

But you are right in the first place... the medical profession's attitude towards women's health in this country is shameful. You have to fight to be heard at every stage, and fight harder to get useful advice you should have been offered proactively at the very beginning.

Hope you are able to find help.

Yep - I have a ‘mild’ prolapse (doesn’t feel particularly mild to me) and was told by my GP to download the NHS Squeezy app, which although is not expensive is not free, and it should improve within 12 weeks. I cannot imagine a mens health issue being treated this way. In fact my husband was referred by our GP to a physio for a sprained ankle which albeit bad does not result in the same embarrassing and painful side effects as a prolapse!

You can definitely see a woman’s health physio OP. It might need to be private I guess… I just started seeing one 3.5 years since my last baby for similar issues. We are lucky enough to have private health insurance so I am going on that but you could self pay and there might be NHS options too!

Good luck! I totally agree that it’s terrible what women are just expected to put up with. Yes maybe some softness or scarring is to be expected after a baby has been down your birth canal but no one should be leaking urine!!

Sometimes, the inherent misogyny can be used to get what you need. In this case, somebody isn't getting the sex he would like because of the pain...

Make another appointment, this time for a GP and request a referral to Urogynaecology as pelvic floor exercises have not worked and it appears that the nurse didn't quite understand how long this has been going on, together with the other symptoms of a cystocoele.