AIBU thinking my husband's brother and family should want to see us when they are in town?

[Calyco]

So, my husband thinks his family is normal, but I am not so sure. He and his brother, his only sibling, barely communicate. When they do, they don't speak for long. I know this bothers him when he sees how my family interacts, but he thinks it is normal because it just is how his brother is with him. My siblings and I speak at least a couple times a week and are much more involved in each other's lives. His brother, his wife and their two children live a three hour trip away from us and we have not seen any of them since last Christmas and then only briefly. They have not visited my husband's parents since then either. I have seen my siblings more and they live an ocean away. Last time we went to visit his brother and his wife after they had expressly invited us, they told us they were busy when we got there and would see us in the next day or so. We had booked a hotel in the area so we could see them for a bit. We ended up exploring the area, but that is not why we came there. We saw them for a couple hours total out of a four day trip after being there two days first. We had our first child this past November. The week he was born they said they were coming to see him. Then they cancelled. Then they said they said they would come in a couple weeks. They cancelled that too. Then this Christmas they cancelled using covid as an excuse. Now they finally arrived in town and are staying with my in laws. We offered to come see them there, but they said no it would unsettle the children. They would come see us the morning after they got in.Then they changed plans and said they would come the next day.Then they cancelled and said they would come today. Now I find from MIL that they decided to go shopping and will come to our house tomorrow. AIBU thinking this is weird and annoying and for being a bit upset at their flakiness? The weird thing is my SIL texts me all the time and comes up with all these ideas of things we should go do together. I have learned over the years to believe nothing she says. It just all is quite strange.

Everyone has a different idea of 'normal' when it comes to families so I don't think there's any point in comparing the two.

This isn't about family as such, it's about really flaky people going back on their word and mucking you about.

Just don't bother arranging anything in future and if you happen to be home when they ask to come and see you, let them pop round if you're in the mood for a visit.

I certainly wouldn't be sitting there like a mug as they constantly change their plans. How fucking rude. I wouldn't bother with them at all, honestly. Some families/siblings just aren't close.

Just think, you're ok being close....but they really are not.

My partner's brother is the same. Doesn't want to see us, declines invitations. Families don't have to be close tho.

You do you and let them do them OP.

I can't bear flakey arrangement makers either but feeling obligated to spend time with your family /in laws if you're not that way inclined is tedious too.

Thankfully the most irritating of my SILs has stopped nagging with scheduled family get togethers. Just because her family did things a certain way, doesn't mean others should do the same. Just got to teach the next SIL to back the hell off now!

Do you like them? Do you want to hang out with them? There's no point in hanging out with your family just because they're family if you don't actually get on and have little in common.

I get on with my sibling and my mum. I don't like my dad as a person. I get on with some aunts and uncles but not others. We have a bit more of a relationship because we are related, but basically if you don't like them, don't force a connection that isn't there.

I would just tell them when they agree to come it’s not suitable as you have xxx to do to make the point it’s not always down to them to dictate

@BertramLacey I don't know them well enough to know if I like them or want to hang out with them. I just know it bothers my husband that his brother pretty much never sees him and that he has only seen his niece and nephew a handful of times. They do the same with my in laws. My MIL was crying at Christmas because they cancelled this year. Last year they showed up on the 22nd and decided they were leaving on afternoon of the 23rd when they had said they would stay through New Years. MIL had bought extra food and special things for the kids and everything and they just left. It just seems rude to me. They so seldom follow through on their plans that their children barely know who any of us are. When they do come everyone goes above and beyond for them because it is such a rare occurrence.