is this concerning?

[Laffielle]

Dinner with a few couples. Substantial meal, one DW asked for seconds, her DH asked 'are you sure that's a good idea?'. The DW took offence and the DH justified the remark by saying he was looking out for her as she's always moaning about her weight (she's a 12/14 I'd say).

My AIBU is that I think this could be a sign of emotional abuse (I've picked up on other comments in the past, usually justified as 'banter'), but the friend I've suggested this to thinks I'm being dramatic.

Am I being unreasonable to be concerned?

Sounds like a bit of a rude comment to make in front of others! But you don't know if she's (like me) always moaning about weight at home, then not doing anything about it (my poor DH is used to this now 😂).

I'm not sure I'd make the jump to emotional abuse 🤷🏻‍♀️

Christ, if this is all you have to worry about, butt out! That is between them. It's nice that you are concerned about your friend, but have you asked her before than posting on here?

Did no one laugh at him and tell him to cop the fuck on? None of the women in my group would let a friend’s husband away with that comment!

My DH suffers from gallstones and is awaiting surgery, I might say to him sometimes 'Is that a good idea' if I see him eating something fatty because I know he will suffer later. He doesn't listen right enough.

Sometimes I will say to him 'don't let me eat anything sugary today I've had way too much over the weekend' and when he notices me picking up a kitkat he will say something like 'you told me to stop you eating that' ....I also don't listen.

So no I wouldn't jump to emotional abuse straight away.

Not necessarily emotional abuse if an isolated incident, but if anyone said that in front of me Id have said something.

Not on it’s own. Sounds like a caring partner helping his wife to stick to her new year resolutions.

But you say there are other comments too? What sort of comments are they? Would need more examples to know if concerning.

Not your business @Laffielle But out or you may lose your friends...

BUTT out I mean!

Other comments have been about her weight, but brushed off as 'banter' when challenged.

It was more the fact is was in front of us all, felt very embarrassed for her.

It’s pretty exhausting having to listen to someone “always moaning” about something, while not only doing nothing to rectify whatever it is they are always moaning about, but going out of their way to make the thing they’re always moaning about worse.

It’s such a tiny snapshot, and your friend (who I presume also knows this couple) thinks you’re being dramatic. I agree with her, I wouldn’t jump to emotional abuse just from this.

See, I'm not sure that she does moan about her weight. I've never heard it and she certainly appears very confident. Appreciate it might be different at home though.

Is it about her weight, or could it be that some foods disagree with her and she suffers for it later on?

I’d be furious if DH said this in private or in public! I don’t know what to think OP.

He definitely mentioned her weight

Hmmm on the fence.
Yes it’s rude, I’d murder my DH in cold blood if he said that to me!
However, if I constantly moaned about my weight to him, whinged about eating food, over indulging etc then perhaps he would be justified…