I've had a strained relationship with my dad for years,
I've posted about him before. He's always been pretty selfish. He didn't bring me up due to his alcoholism. He was banned from seeing me because he would be aggressive when drunk and it gave me nightmares.
He swears blind that he was never drunk around me, him not being around is all pinned on my mum, she was awful, don't get me wrong, but that's not why he wasn't there for me.
Since being in my life, I've received two cards, infact my husband even bought a card, took it to my dad and got it signed then gave it to me one year...this is over a 17 year period.
I'm CEV, he didn't tell me that he had a high likelihood of having covid but requested that I collected him from hospital- at the time, being as ill as I was if I'd have caught covid, I would have most likely died.
I've cared for him, done favours, lent him money that I don't get back.
He always wants lifts if he's seeing me, but he does things like demands I stop at a shop where I can't park, or park wheres convenient for him despite it being illegal. He doesn't even close the car door. Off he trots leaving it open.
He comes in my house and breaks stuff. Pulled a floating shelf with the candles on it off the wall and it smashed my toilet pan to pieces. He came out of the toilet and complained it just fell on him. It didn't. He didn't pick any of it up, and when I said he had smashed the toilet, he offered to pay for the replacement, but it hasn't happened.
Every time he's made plans with DD he let's her down, just like he did to me.
Didn't bother with a gift for her Christmas or birthday this year either.
I'm pregnant after 12 years of infertility, I had a bleed when I told him that my baby was hugging his placenta, his reply was "he's holding on to his placenta for dear life, that babies definitely dying. Your mum couldn't carry boys either" I replied that he was perfectly healthy but it obviously upset me.
Since then he's commented that one of my daughters friends would be greatly improved by a bullet in the skull.
And today I've spoken to him about a friend setting up a supported living facility, I said I'm surprised by the money that's in it, he replied "what the fuck? They're not supposed to be giving people money like that! Thats a lot of money for the little twats." Only reason I told him was because he was in exactly the same sort of facility at one point and its an interest of his.
I've been making excuses to not see him recently because I've got to be honest, I'm fed up of comments like the above. He's negative to the point I can't deal with it, and every time he comes near me it's because he wants a lift, or he ruins my furniture (last time he was here his dirty trousers stained my dining chairs and he threw my dog across the kitchen for going to see him)
Writing it all out, this is only half of it. He's a recovering addict, and it's become clear he's started using heroin too.
I just want him away from me and my family. He lives 10 minutes away so it's not unlikely he won't turn up at some point, especially when I have this baby. He loves to impose himself as a loving grandad- when it suits him but the idea of him being in my home, in my car, even holding my baby, or my eldest having to suffer him has been giving me nightmares again.
DDs opinion is, he was too selfish to be a dad, so it's not a surprise he's the same as a grandad.
I've felt so conflicted because he has no one, just his pal that he uses with. He is pretty vulnerable but I don't want to be around him. He says a lot of vile things but just says they're fact- like if he hadn't have got a physical injury and couldve stayed in a foreign country he moved to, he would have never come back. He had to come back because he was too ill to work and benefits would only be paid out from here...but then he's all, well you're my daughter. You should take care of me!
Ugh. How do I distance myself without him kicking off? He often says "If I've got a problem it's usually caused by someone else, so when the MH team ask if I'm suicidal, I say no. I'll just kill the person who's my problem..
Fuck me this probably isn't even thr right board. I feel like a doormat for allowing it to get to the point where I'm so anxious about this that I lose sleep. I thought that I would just sort of speak with him, be low contact. Chat every so often but every single time I talk to him I just think that speaking to him makes me so uneasy.
Most people don't put up with people they don't like just because they're related do they?