To just want to sleep

[NCforpoo]

DD is 2. She is a poor sleeper. I know its probably my fault (fed to sleep as baby, didn't let her cry when she was little or make too much noise so she didn't wake her older sister etc).
But its been 2 years and she still wakes. In fact its getting worse again. I'm totally at my wits end and have resorted to shoving her in bed with me so she sleeps with her legs on my neck.
If I don't get to her quickly enough when she wakes she cries. And then is (happily) fully awake for 2-3hours or more. If I leave she screams. Last night I didn't get there quick enough so she was awake in the spare bed with me for 3 hours. Finally I lay down by her bed and let her cry for like 30 minutes but gave in after that. Its torture.
Sorry if this is total ramble. My brain is scrambled. I can hardly function at work on a daily basis.
I know I'm creating a rod for my own back putting her in bed with us but what else can I do? Totally desperate. (Called HV and she said to let her sleep with us until she's old enough to have sleep explained to her)
She might be having nightmares. I think its now a lot of separation anxiety too.

And totally posting for traffic!

I'd do what you need to do to get sleep. She needs you. I got a double bed in the youngest's room and just go to bed there. I couldn't function at all with his shitty sleep and waking the whole house.
He sleeps mainly fine now, the occasional nightmare and then I get in with him.
It was too hard. He screamed like a banshee and I needed sleep. It didn't last forever

I know i won't have a teenager sleeping i with us but I have to interview for a new job soon and my brain is at 50% at best. I just need a weeks good sleep!

Oh I'd do it, lack of sleep isn't good for anyone.

It is so shit. I totally feel your pain.
Early nights, sleep lights, leaving to cry - none of it worked for us and just created a tonne of stress I couldn't deal with at all - especially with no sleep.
You are a person, you need sleep.
Do what you need to. I hate all the ' I'd never allow that' folk who have clearly never had sleep deprivation as it is a recognised form of torture.
Seriously, fuck it.

There’s more than one way to skin a cat. If you can sleep with a toddler in the bed, do that. Plenty do. I couldn’t, so I went down the Gina Ford route - generally loathed on here but it worked for me. A friend of mine moved a bed into her dd’s room and slept in an adjacent bed until she was seven. You do what you have to do; people have very strong opinions on what other people should do about sleep and small children - ignore it all and find your own way.

I co-slept as I had to go back to work when she was 4 months and I'm a single mum so sleep was the key thing. She eventually went into her own bed...when she was 5 but now a great sleeper etc

just keep her in with you and please don;'t worry about it! she will grow out of it and you all need sleep.

Don't know who's been telling you all this shit that you've made a rod for your own back by feeding her to sleep and not letting her cry herself to sleep as a baby
Do what you need to do to get the most sleep now. Which sounds like Co sleeping. Because laying on the floor beside a crying baby isn't helping either of you. She'll grow out of it.

We helped my eldest learn to self settle as a baby and followed all the rules (ie put to bed awake etc).

At two he stilled used to wake for 3 hour episodes at a time. Sometimes he just wasn't tired and sometimes scared (we think as he is speech delayed).

The being awake for hours got much better after 3 when we dropped the lunchtime nap. He is now so tired at night he doesn't wake.

The waking and being scared - soon fixed by 10 mins in bed with me and then happy to be sent back to bed.

So it will get easier and as she is older she will be more understanding

I had this same issue with my 2 1/2 year old, had to lie down with her to get her to sleep and then creep downstairs, would wake in the night and spend the rest in bed with me. Being pregnant with my second, I was dreading waking to two children a night so used the kiss and retreat technique.

Started usual bedtime routine, story etc. and then busied myself in her room (e.g. tidying drawers) and kept returning to her every minute or so just to give her a kiss, no talking or anything. Gradually increased time spent away and distance...going into my bedroom (literally for 10 seconds to start with!) and go back to give her a kiss. Eventually going downstairs and straight back up again (so she didn't have time to get up or become upset). To start with she still got up in the night and I still let her get into bed with me.

After about 4/6 weeks, I was able to say goodnight and leave the room and she got herself to sleep. She stopped waking in the night too. Quite a song and dance but was worth it and no tears at all, and I found it much less stressful than controlled crying. Good luck!

None of mine slept (ended up in bed with us) until we moved them into their big boys bed in the same room as their next big brother.

They slept through from then on. I think they just needed to hear someone breathing and they knew they weren't on their own.

We did this over a long weekend each time, just in case, but it really did work.

Going through similar with my 2 year old. Still wakes 3 times a night for a feed from me. I can't sleep with her in our bed as I'm going through yet another feeding aversion and if she's in with me, she's on and off all night, meaning no sleep for me.

So for now my husband is sleeping in her room, soon as she wakes he will pat her bum or if she won't settle, takes her downstairs for milk from the fridge. He lets her come in to me for one feed in the night. Its making a huge difference, and generally she is only waking once per night now

Coming back from school run to these is like a wave of relief. I'm always second guessing myself but its so good to hear I'm not alone. Second time round has been so much tougher than the first! Thanks for sharing everyone. I thought she might be having nightmares and it does seem to be the right age right?
Time to get a bigger bed!
I will try that kiss and retreat idea @loujazzy I hadn't heard that one.
I did get desperate and try a bit GD and just couldn't do it. The anxiety levels were just too much for me.
I also tried one night of her sister in her room. They made it to 1 and then her sister got really really fed up with her.

Friends did co-sleeping/ family bed and sometimes it is just 'change or accept'. You can't change it (your DC's current sleep problems), so you have to accept it (whatever works). So everyone gets enough sleep, you'll have to accept the family bed situation/co-sleeping. I think this was talked about more in the past than now. It won't be forever, but don't think about it like that, just deal with the here-and-now.
I think friends put DC to bed at normal DC bedtime, then either joined them at grown-up bedtime or DC joined them at grown-up bedtime. Then no more disturbances through the night (in theory). I don't know much about it, but google co-sleeping or family bed, what I do know is a lot more people do it than talk about it.
Plus if still having daytime naps, ditch them so more sleep undertaken during nighttime hours.
And crying is traumatic all round once they can get out of bed. I seem to recall supernanny had footage of hysterical children passing out behind locked doors. There was something a dad did with elastic around door handles that was another technique, but you'd have to google it as I can't remember.
Good luck. Change what you humanly can then accept.