We promised we'd quit smoking when I got pregnant, he is still smoking

[irishfarmer]

As the title says, I'm annoyed. My DH and I both agreed we would quit smoking when I got pregnant. I am now 11 weeks pregnant and he hasn't! I have, I know it's easier the baby is in me so the motivation is stronger. But we both said we would. Last night was supposed to be the end of his last pack but he was so fidgety he said he was going to go get tobacco for rolling or he would end up buying a box of cigs today.

Also it was easier for me I smoked 2-4 per day he smokes 15-20 per day, so I do know it's not the same. I was just annoyed with him last night. 1 it is very bad for his health, 2 it costs a fortune to smoke (15 p/day = €79!)

We don't smoke in our house, never have, but he comes in and I can smell the smoke which is annoying.

AIBU to be annoyed? We didn't have a big fight or anything I just said why will it be easier if he leaves it longer. He said he will taper off with rollies. Also on Saturday I bought him a big box of Nicorette with the inhaler which cost €28 so maybe he is using a mix of rollies/ nicorette

I have a similar situation, and my DP has been weaning himself off slowly throughout my pregnancy, whereas I quit cold turkey the day I found out I was pregnant and haven't looked back. As long as my DP isn't smoking with any regularity when the baby is born, I don't really mind. And if he occasionally smokes when he's on a night out with his friends or on a stag do then fair enough. He seems to feel fine about the arrangement so I think it's probably a good one. Like you I was the lighter smoker, and I found that I felt rubbish enough in the early weeks that smoking didn't really appeal.

It is frustrating and difficult, but I think you have to take him at his word that he's going to give up (or at least mostly give up) before the baby is born. He should buy a vape and consider hypnosis too.

He may as well start now, as when the baby’s there he will need to make sure there’s no third hand smoke inhalation. So no drifting in smelling of smoke/ having it on his clothes, breath etc

I’m putting a very nice yabu.
Whilst he should quit, he is an addict and can’t quit until he is ready.
It took me years to be able to give up smoking. I knew it was bad for me, I knew it was nasty, expensive etc. but I just couldn’t quit.
DH smoked less than me and just said one day he’d had enough and quit. It took a lot more for me.
If he really wants to quit I’d suggest the stop smoking service. I used champix through them and it made me successful, I’ve been smoke free for four years now.

YANBU - that would annoy me. Well done for quitting op, he should be making a massive effort now (I was a smoker so know it’s not easy) out of solidarity with you.

He tired a vape but wasn't a fan. He said the Nicorette inhaler does help along with very strong mints.

Yes he knows that there can't be any 3rd hand smoke once the baby is here.

He has said way more often than me that he wants to quit, so I just want him to do it! I will ask him this evening about calling the quit helpline they are meant to be very good.

Also that is meant to be €79 per week if he smoked 15 per day.

You do know that second hand smoking still increases the risk of stillbirth and SIDS? If you’re happy with that, crack on. If not, ultimatum time. If my husband was so selfish that he could not do this to keep our baby safe I absolutely would leave him. Protect your child.

Also, what else is he likely to promise to do and then go back on during your child’s life?

@JarvisCockersRightEyebrow he doesn't smoke in our house or near me. I can just smell it off him when he comes in, same way I can smell if he had been welding that day. So he is in no way a threat to our baby.

Doesn’t matter. If you can smell it, you’re breathing it in!

He sounds like one of them who'll never stop smoking.

My ex was like that. He'll be up and out of his coffin having a smoke at his own funeral.
One of my good friends was like that too, she was dead at 42 and part of the reason for that was too many fags.

Urgh, my DP was like this. For years I got blamed for his failure to quit smoking because I’d carried on. I got pregnant, quit and still don’t smoke 6 years later but he’s made a couple of feeble attempts with patches and is still smoking. I do vape though in the interests of full disclosure…

I don’t really have any advice on actually getting him to take it seriously but don’t back down on your standards of not letting him expose the baby to third hand smoke.

I think YAB a little bit U.

You've only known you've been pregnant for what, 2 months maximum? If you're 11 weeks? Most people can't quit cold turkey, especially if they're smoking 15-20 a day. So I'm not surprised he's still smoking at this stage. Two months isn't really long enough. But he should be making more of an effort to cut down / switch to other methods / contact support groups (for example).

If he was a smoker when you got together, YABU to expect him to give it up. No matter the reason.

Tell him he needs to self refer to the smoking cessation clinic through your gp. They offer a whole range of methods to help.

[quote irishfarmer]@JarvisCockersRightEyebrow he doesn't smoke in our house or near me. I can just smell it off him when he comes in, same way I can smell if he had been welding that day. So he is in no way a threat to our baby.[/quote]
Its still a risk, as he is wearing the same clothes and he will be breathing out toxic fumes. If he is still smoked when your baby arrives he will need to change his clothes, shower and wait a full hour before he had told the baby and then he will still be putting the baby at risk.

If you can smell it on him now then it’s increasing the risk to your unborn baby.

Op you said he tried a vape and it wasn't for him.

Honestly, trying something once and throwing in the towel isn't really good enough. There are so many different kinds of vapes and fluids with different strengths and none of them have the 4000 chemicals in that cigarettes do.

He needs to try again.