if I think that the in-laws should occasionally acknowledge my existence?

[boHOHOhemianbint]

Ahhh, this goes way back, they are quite strange people and a bit socially...odd.

Anyway, they visited yesterday to drop presents off for DS (16 months.)

They didn't say hello to me, they didn't ask how I was, (they never really do) they didn't address more than about 1 sentence to me, and they didn't say goodbye.

We're going there on Thurs but they kept talking to DP about what the plans were and telling him what they want us to do like I'm some sort of dumb, servile non-thing, and it's always "Mr. Boho is coming on Thurs" as if he doesn't have a family, even though we're all going.

As soon as they find out I'm pregnant again they will no doubt be kissing my arse. It's really annoying. Although, actually, last time they ignored me and the pregnancy until about 2 weeks before the due date when they suddenly pop up wanting to be my best mate. We're actually putting off telling them for a good while yet as last time DP was really upset by their peculiar, indifferent reaction.

What is the deal with these people? Is this standard in-law behaviour?

Wow. I actually feel a bit bad complaining as it sounds like some people have it much worse! Mine have never called me a cow, at least not to my face - yet!

I'm actually really dreading telling them about this pregnancy. Last time they were so weird and SIL said perhaps it was because we told them before I was 12 weeks and they didn't want to get excited in case the baby died. Really nice eh?

As soon as they found out it caused so many probs for DP and he spent the whole 9 months being miserable as they were so odd, in contrast to my family who were all ace. I really want to avoid a repeat performance and I wouldn't tell them until July if I thought I could get away with it!

Again...ditto.

I had exactly the same dilema with my pregnancy with dd2. We didn't tell them until I was about 6mths. Sad as it may sound it made life a lot easier them not knowing and then they left us to get on with it!

Boho... I have just read 3 of your threads in a row...

Your mum & dad's parent thread.

Your Bio mum NYE dilemma

and now this one.

I didn't think it was possible to have so many complicated relatives.. guess you've just proved me wrong..

SelfishMrsClaus - I know. You couldn't make it up. There's always been a huge rift in my family and since I was 5 and parents divorced I've basically had no contact with any of my maternal side of the family and sporadic contact with my mother.

My (step)mum and dad and their families have been my family all my life and have always provided stability - they're as normal as families get.

But then obviously I shack up with a fella who's faily are also a bit strange (but not in the same league as mine, in a way.)

There's definitely a novel in it somewhere.

bloody virus checker - meant family, not faily!

No it's not standard in-law behaviour, it's very rude. They are no doubt old enough to get over any shyness, and show some manners. Why don't you draw attention to their rudeness by speaking pointedly to them when they ignore you, and persisting until you get an answer? And by correcting them when they refer to Mr Boho and not the whole family?

If they seem to think you're dumb, why don't you make as much noise as possible in their company, forcing them to join in a conversation?

Are they religious types who expect you to be legally and religiously married? Perhaps they just want to be assured that you are definitely dp's one and only life partner and are here to stay.

CHeers Elasticwoman. Actually they are religious and I have often wondered if they are mortified that DS was born outside the sanctity of marriage...

We went there today and actually they weren't that bad. Things were said last time I was pregnant and FIL seems to be making a bit of an effort. MIL still silent and strange, although when I said my recent flu cost us a fortune as we had to send DS to childminder for 3 days, she said (all offended like) "you should have asked us, we would have looked after him." Didn't know what to make of that really, as they've never ever looked after him. But that was basically the only thing she did say, still no hello/ goodbye. And she does this weird thing of trying to physically restrain DS which drives me mental...

At least that's it now for a few months.

Glad to hear your in-laws made more of an effort this time, Boho. I think they are uncomfortable with your unmarried state (things were so different in their day!) and they are trying to protect themselves against the possibility of your splitting up. I know it sounds silly in this day and age when a huge proportion of babies are born out of wedlock, but now you're having No 2 they may feel more secure about you as a fixture.