To regret relocating

[AcatcalledCat]

Looking for advice. Last summer we finally decided to move back to our home town to be nearer to family. DH managed to secure a great job to make this possible and at no point during the moving process did I have regrets.

However, now that we are home I feel awful. We’ve had to move in with DH’s parents until a house comes up that we like but the housing market is vicious! We keep losing out on properties and now it’s 6 months later and we can’t even rent a flat as the waiting lists are up to 20 applicants long!!

Where we live just now is really rural and it’s not for me. I hate driving around here and feel trapped - we bought a fancy 4x4 to make me feel more secure but I dread going out in it and miss my old roads and crappy little Corsa.

Another issue is that I had a really busy job in our old location (senior management in a primary school). However here, because of the high demand and covid, I am on one supply list and haven’t had a single call to teach any classes.

I just feel so trapped and miserable. I feel like my whole identity has disappeared and the woman I used to be (hard working, independent, sociable) has entirely gone. I keep trying to stay positive but I honestly just want to curl up in a ball and cry - which I know is pathetic!!

What should I do? Tell my DH how awful I feel and relocate again or wait another 6 months and see how I feel? Anyone been in a similar scenario? I don’t want to burden people IRL as to an outsider my life must look pretty idyllic (no job or real need to work) but this just isn’t what I want my life to be like…

I get how you feel. It's very difficult, especially if you were the one making the sacrifice.
What are the chances of you finding yourself a hobby or some other interest? I'm at the crossroads at the moment due to relocation (DH's job in another country) and I'm seriously re-thinking my life and career options and thinking about what I could do from home. I've never been without a job, ever since I finished my university and it's always been very demanding and very busy - right now, the idea of stepping back and seeing what other options are there in the life for me sounds very appealing.
Now, that's my point but I came to it from thinking about the change and how I could benefit from it. My current job makes me very happy but it's also very stressful - would I benefit from a bit of a relaxed life, being able to just sit down and think and have a look at what my options are?
While the situation you are in is a stark change to where you came from, don't put too much importance on identifying yourself with your position. Your private life is not your career and your position. There's life outside it. You have the luxury (looks like your DH is a high earner) of being able to do it. Go for it.

I get it, you used to have a nice independent life, lots going on to move with your inlaws, no job for you and you find the roads hard to drive - loosing more independence
I know you’re in the waiting list for supply job… but don’t stay waiting
You need to start doing things while you wait… can you volunteer somewhere? Anywhere really…. Go to a couple of classes, new or existing hobby
Get a PT job - couple of hours even, get out of the house, meet people
Point is, sitting around at your inlaws, waiting for your “new” life won’t be fun… so get out and start being part of the wider community… then things won’t be as bad

Can you apply for other jobs until you can get a local teaching job? That would help so much as you'd be out of the house and have a separate identity. Waiting for crumbs of supply work is pointless.

Living with in-laws would be miserable for most people. Can you widen your housing search to everywhere commutable for your DH?

It’s tough - I am debating moving back to the town I grew up in, but it’s very quiet with little to do and I currently live on the outskirts of London, and I love love everything london has to over. The lure of cheaper houses and old friends & family there are a pull. Luckily I have a few years to fully decide as DD still in school.

I say be honest with your husband, but give it time too

First of all, thank you all for your kind messages. I don’t know how much sympathy I would have had for myself this time last year!

@EerieSilence you’re totally right that I need to reframe my thinking. I have to look for the positives here and try to make the most of the opportunity to decide what I want to do. I love your point about not being defined by our careers - I really need to get out of this mindset.

@skgnome you’re right. I need to get out an make things happen. I think writing a list of all the options I have and working through that would help and applying for something different right now would help.

@Darbs76 that was our exact predicament and I would definitely say being nearer friends and family is lovely but I’m just struggling with that being the only upside right now (in my opinion)