Need a hand hold

[dumphies21]

My gorgeous, amazing DP died suddenly a month ago. I've gone back to work but I'm not coping well. My work have been fantastic up until now but I think I've made a mistake in going back so soon; I have to attend an external meeting in about 3 and a half hours and I'm not sure how I'm going to get through it without crying; I can't stop crying.

AIBU to ask for a handhold?

I'm so sorry for your loss. Do you think they might have some flexibility for you in working part time, or just taking some more time off? I really hope so.

Hand hold from me. You've done really well

Thanks all - made it through the meeting, barely. Feels like my manager isn't actually listening to what I'm saying; spoke to them after the meeting and they said to "just see today goes" - it's now Thursday and I'm still waiting for the call they promised me on Monday to discuss how I'm feeling. Due to company sick pay policy I can't afford to just get signed off, but I think I'm going to take a couple of weeks annual leave starting from Monday to try and get myself together.

I think the annual leave is a very good idea.
It will also show them that you really do need the time off for breavement, rather than just "milking it" (sorry, I hate that term. but it works for this) for more 'free' days off.

Above all, your well-being is most important right now.
If you force yourself back too early, everything will suffer.

I wish I had some magical words for you.
But I'll offer a non-Mumsnetty hug.

@NigellaLawdaughter - I absolutely don't want them to think I'm "milking it" (also think it's an awful expression but know what you mean) - I think I just need another couple of weeks to sort myself out

Please call your gp and get signed of for grief/stress

You’ve gone back to soon, as you’ve said and need to be kind to yourself

If the gp offers tablets and you don’t want them - tell them no it’s time you need to grieve

Take care of yourself, allow yourself time to get better

Are you claiming all the benefits you’re entitled to after your loss? Might be worth checking entitled time online calculator

@ivykaty44 - I've been on tablets for quite a number of years; have spoken to the GP twice and they've offered to put my dose up, but there's only so many times they can do that in an attempt to stop me hurling myself under a bus. The reason for taking annual leave is because it's more "affordable" - I've suddenly been left with a home that I can't really afford as a single person, so AL makes it all manageable x

(((HUGS)))

Email them if you have to. Tell them you NEED more time!

Don't use your AL. You will need that later!!

You went back, you 'tried', it's too soon

Take the time you need - pushing through will not help anyone in the long run!

Big hugs xx

I'd like to take a moment to say what a wonderful group of humans you are; this last month has been the worst I've ever ever experienced, and its kindness like this that makes everything feel a bit more manageable.

Could you go back part time, start with just mornings perhps, a phased return, and work from home in the afternoons?
If your Boss doesnt undersand, can you go higher and explain?

dumphies21 Please check out entitled 2 benefits website as you may find that you’re entitled to some benefits, this will/would make your financial situation easier

Huge handhold from me, OP. I was in a similar situation myself just over a year ago.

I had 2 weeks compassionate leave and 2 months sick leave. And tbh, I was glad to start work again, as it gave me something to keep me occupied. And I never got the floods of tears, I would find my eyes filling, and then it would stop, or I would cry for maybe 5 minutes and then stop. I still feel as though I could do with a massive sobbing fit that goes on and on, but it just doesn't happen.

All I can say is that it's still really early days. I lost my DP (also very suddenly, and also gorgeous and amazing) 14 months ago, and the bad times still come, but less frequently now. And I think it's affected my ability to remember stuff, like words for things, too. But it will get easier, I promise you.

Be kind to yourself, and talk about him as much as you can, share how you feel, and accept all the support that's offered. Bereavement counselling helped me to, you may be able to access that via your GP.

Take care.