To ask if anyone else regrets their relationship with their dp

[Warsaw]

I was young and pretty naive I guess and got married to the first ok guy that asked me.
I wasn't head over in heels in love with DP. He was ok and I turned a blind eye to things that I probably shouldn't have. I should've trusted myself more but I guess I didn't have the self confidence for it.

Our marriage is nothing like how I would like. He isn't the type of father that I would have liked for my children. It's like all the important stuff that I value isn't there. I sometimes feel we're singing from different hymn sheets. I feel so lonely and isolated in this relationship. I crave emotional connection and conversation. It's so dull and boring and I find him so irritating. I'm losing respect for him and when I see him from afar I just feel a sense of shame. I feel awful saying that but I've kid myself for too long and i don't think I can do it anymore. I didn't realise how exhausting it is.

I know you will all say leave but I can't. I just can't. I am already exhausted and want to just live a life separate but together.

I feel the same. And I deeply regretted that I didn't get divorced long time ago. Now I am mid 40s and have two adorable kids, I have no courage to change my life anymore

The children will already be learning poor relationship examples from the situation. You CAN leave. But you WONT.

I'm not quite clear whether you have children together.

You can leave. You know you can. It may be that the disruption isn't worth it and you're in a low patch - Christmas and January can do that.

But ultimately if you don't love each other any more and can't see the future together as a positive, you can leave.

I left at 42. Did a post grad and have never been happier. Yes life is tough sometimes but it is nothing like the slow death my marriage was.

Would you consider couples counselling? Is there any way the relationship can be salvaged?

Get counselling

It’s hard to say... I had loads of marriage opportunities when I was younger. Wasn’t much of a boyfriend-type, I found it really boring & liked being free.
I held out for the right guy & eventually married at 40. But he isn’t perfect, either... And I risked not having kids (had my son by sheer luck at 44). I’d like to be free again.

midnightOK sorry you're in this situation too.

FriendshipsAreHardForMe I hadn't considered couples counseling. Is it any good? How can they even help?.

You need to get your ducks in a row for when you do find the strength to leave.
Please don’t waste your life.

The only person who can change your situation is you and you know what you need to do

I’m divorced but get on very well with my ex
I absolutely do NOT regret marrying him
We would some spectacularly wonderful times and we have our two children and I wan these two exact children!

What do you mean by “dull and boring”?

You fucked up but you're not dead yet.

Don't pay for your naievety. Put it right as soon as possible. Prepare yourself for separation as soon as possible.
Who hasn't made a mistake.
You might be able to jointly parent amicably.
No-one is going to do well the way it is.
He may well welcome it too.

OP I could’ve written your post. I said yes to the first boy that came along, because I was head over heels but also probably because of such low self esteem at the time. I’m more confident now and my tastes have changed - I sometimes find DH a bit embarrassing in public. It’s hard when there’s nothing seriously wrong and you question whether you’re just being picky and holding out for a mythical man that might not exist! No relationship is perfect so where do you draw the line? I think the pandemic also makes it harder because things are so crap generally and it’s hard to separate that from general low level depression and uncertainty

Wow! This post really hits a nerve as I feel the same.