Mother-in-law childcare

[Collieday]

My mother-in-law has offered to provide childcare for her 10 year old twin granddaughters this Easter for a week. She wants to take them to her friends house (approx. 2 hours travel one way) & they would stay over Mon-Fri. The friend would not be present as she lives abroad primarily.
My MIL has offered with the best of intentions but I have several concerns that my partner doesn't share:

1. MIL has collapsed twice in the last 6 months requiring hospital admissions; she isn't in the best of health.
2. MIL drinks alcohol daily; there are suspected dependency issues there.
3. MIL has 4 dogs, 2 of which are incontinent of urine/feces in the home & require cleaning up of this at regular intervals throughout the day. The dogs would be with her on the trip. I really don't want my kids to be cleaning this up everyday & am concerned about infection control etc.

I'm worried that being responsible for two 10 year olds, plus the dogs in an unfamiliar place would be too much for her & that the concerns above increase the risk of compromising my daughters' safety.
My partner (her son) doesn't agree & thinks the kids will be fine, stating it'll break my MIL's heart if we decline her offer.
Am I being too overprotective? I'd appreciate some objective viewpoints. Thanks.

I wouldn't like it either no matter how mature a 10 year old is. Not like they are round the corner for you to go get them if there is a medical emergency. Would be a no from me.

No fucking way!

Break her heart? You need a serious chat with your partner. Totally out of order to start with that manipulative bullshit.

So she collapses, your children are alone and two hours away.
So she has a few drinks of an evening and isn't fit to drive and one of your children has an accident.

His fault. Because MIL's feeelzz comes before your DD's safety?

They are TEN. Not fifteen.

And another thing to think about. She is a drinker. I had an older relative who was a drinker. Never rolling drunk. Just... a drinker. And dependant. You could tell, I could tell from being younger than your children. It's really unsettling to deal with that as a child - you know they're not quite 'there' as usual; you know they're not on the ball. It feels unpleasant and unsafe.

If your partner wants your children to experience what it's like to feel unsafe and unsure around their grandmother and come back feeling quite differently about her: send 'em on!

Your role is to protect your children from being reliant on someone who drinks, end of.

Nope wouldn’t be happening

It would be a no for me too. However well intentioned it may be it's obviously going to be way to much for her and it would be irresponsible to ignore that for the sake of anyone's feelings.

My 11 year old would be absolutely traumatised if the adult looking after him collapsed.

The drinking is the only thing that would really concern me. My kids clean up after dogs just fine, I make sure they have rubber gloves and disinfectant

No chance in hell 😱😱😱
There’s no physical condition like broken heart.
Plenty of chances your DC getting harmed/injured

No because of her drinking and her the distance due to her very recent health issues.

The alcohol is the main issue I would have. If it's just a couple of glasses of wine a day, although not great, it wouldn't worry me too much, if she's tipsy or worse daily then no. Does she ever drink before driving or is there any danger of collapse whilst driving as that would also worry me. The dogs would not be a problem for me but I am a dog owner and think nothing of picking up after them so I probably have different views to you there. If they do go I would give them a cheap PAYG mobile so they can contact you at all times in an emergency.

Is she planning on driving them?
Well, either way it would be a big NO from me tbh.

1. Her health
2. The drinking
3. The location
4. Girls age
5. The duration
6. The dogs

Thanks to everyone who took time to comment, it's confirmed that my concerns are valid & I should trust my gut. Thanks again.

I don’t think it’s a huge problem but everyone has different lives.

My 6 year old knows to call 999 and ask for a ambulance if I collapse so I’m sure 10 year olds can manage that.

The only thing I would be ensuring is it’s not then cleaning up after the dogs, that would be a no!

Maybe give your 10 year olds an old phone to take and they can call you if they have any concerns or want to come home but to be honest I think you will find they will love the adventure.

They are 10 so that wouldn't bother me , I think they would enjoy it I'm a yes but It depends on the drinking for me.

If she drinks herself into oblivion and is incapable of looking after them then absolutely they would not be going , but. If it's that she has a couple of wines every night then absolutely no issue

Sensible ten year olds would be fine, especially as they have each other.

You haven’t given enough information about the drinking for anyone to decide whether it’s a problem or not, plenty of people have a couple of beers or glasses of wine every day and are perfectly capable, functional people.

I think I’m more worried about the dogs messing up the friends house!

No way in hell!

Are we taking one glass of wine or one bottle?

The drinking is the only issue I see, but only if she drinks in excess. Having a glass of wine every night is not a problem.

Break her heart then. I mean seriously, your children's safety or a "broken hearted" MIL? It's an overused phrase anyway. She'll be disappointed, she's an adult, she'll get over it.

Heartbreak vs a week with an alcoholic cleaning up dog faeces and calling 999 when she collapses after a bender, it’s genuinely a toughie

It's definitely more than one glass of wine or a couple of beers - even my partner agrees she drinks in excess every day & this is likely a contributing factor to her current health issues.

The two incontinent dogs are paralysed from the waist down & wear incontinence pads so it's a bit more hands on than a typically untrained dog. Feces needs to be cleaned from their back ends due to being compressed within the pad & feces also randomly falls out if the pad is dislodged.

Like I say, my MIL is well intentioned with her offer, but I'm conscious that when I tell her (my partner has asked me to explain to her) her feelings will likely be hurt & it will probably cause conflict as she doesn't always see things from others point of view.

Really appreciate all your opinions, it's helped hugely with my final decision. I'm not comfortable with the kids going, so this won't be happening.

Also ...she's offered child care...don't look a gift horse in the mouth

The dogs are a non issue. Yes it's geuss but she is caring for them. That's just the way it is.

No way I'd be agreeing to that!

The alcoholism alone would be enough to put me off!

Did she really collapse or pass out drunk? Would she be intending to drive them at any stage cos I'd be thinking she's driving drunk!

No no no!

Narcissistic addicts do rather tend to like playing lord/lady magnanimous without actually backing it up with sensible and responsible behaviour.

my partner has asked me to explain to her why?!

You're being manipulated by both of them

Fuck that! It's his mother and her behaviour that makes this a no go his job to deal with her!

It is the health issues for me - collapsing twice in 6 months is a lot. I’m assuming it is linked to her ongoing health problems so is likely to reoccur.

I don’t think two 10 year olds with a phone should be left to deal with this if it happens. DH fell down the stairs knocking himself unconscious recently, I found it scary to deal with and my 11 yo DD who woke up during it was initially frightened until he came round. No way should young children be expected to deal with that.

Just the fact that she drinks every day would be enough reason for your children to not be with her.

Her health doesn't sound great. The incontinent dogs (why aren't they trained?) Say no.

Just read about the dogs - paralysed and incontinent. Not a very kind life for them at all.