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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Christmas pressies

27 replies

bedtimestory · 24/12/2007 00:17

Just wonderered if I'm being oversensitive or others would feel the same... Last week my good friend (known for 15 years) and I met up and swopped xmas pressies. When I went to put them under the tree I saw she and her husband had bought me and my partner a present each but nothing for our two children (10 months and 3yrs). They don't have kids but we bought a little something for each of them from our kids as well as from us too and feel a bit hurt that she hasn't thought of the kids and would rather they'd just got the kids something and not us really. It's not a money thing, she could have got any little thing but am feeling bit peeved on behalf of the kids, esp the 3 year old who chose their pressies with me. I think it's because she's such a good friend that I'm feeling like I am or is this stupid of me?! Would love other opinions or thoughts.

OP posts:
354kidz · 24/12/2007 00:21

I know how u feel as i have a story to tell on xmas presents but won't even go there!!! I agree though that they should of got kids also or if they couldnt afford them also to just get the kids or ask u first god it difficuit all round bli..

amytheearwaxbanisher · 24/12/2007 00:22

did she buy them something the christmas`s before,or rather your 3 year old?

Tortington · 24/12/2007 00:23

i think its just one of those quirks that you live with. just buy her xmas pressies and look forward to a pressie for yourself i am sure your children dont go without - an i realise that its her thoughlessness thats the point - but she thouht of you - becuase your the friend

kidsrusanta · 24/12/2007 00:24

could the pressies be chocs and biscuits for the whole family to share?

354kidz · 24/12/2007 00:25

I was going to say that i would of got tin of choc's for all to enjoy....

Original poster
bedtimestory · 24/12/2007 00:27

Thinking about it she didn't get my 3 year old one last year either and she's very organised (not likely to accidentally forget) so guess she just chose not to. Still feel bit peeved and bit tricky to know what to say when little 'un asks if they've given her a pressie!

OP posts:
354kidz · 24/12/2007 00:32

Oh..

kidsrusanta · 24/12/2007 00:36

i think next year just buy her 1 present from you all and this year let your 3 yr old open the present as your 3 yo wont be too worried about whats inside its the amount of pressies she can open

ADDICTEDtosayingHAAAAAAAPYxmas · 24/12/2007 00:38

maybe she doesn't know what to get?

Original poster
bedtimestory · 24/12/2007 00:44

very true kidsrusanta!
Oh well, i shall try and forget and just see it as an odd blip on her part. Wouldn't mind so much but my dd was really excited about the present she helped me pick out, that's why am feeling miffed! Also, I've had soooo many to buy and think she has loads less. Think a little white lie might be required when it comes to opening the pressies! cheers for your thoughts

OP posts:
kidsrusanta · 24/12/2007 00:54

you wait, my 6yo wants to open everyones presents even though he can read the tags this year!
I don't think the kids worry as much as we do about who its to or from.
i have presents given just to me most years, the kids help me to open them and eat most of them.
your friend most likely hasn't even thought she could be causing a dilemmia as she hasn't got kids herself.
its not worth falling out over a tag which can be removed every year[fgrin} enjoy
have a good one

ADDICTEDtosayingHAAAAAAAPYxmas · 24/12/2007 01:05

i have friends from work who just buy me a present but not ds. they don't really know him that well so i don't expect them to buy him a present.

Original poster
bedtimestory · 24/12/2007 01:15

that's what's odd really, we've been close friends for years, holidayed together and bridesmaids for each other and she's always been close to the kids (seen them regularly etc) so that's why i was suprised about the pressies.

OP posts:
JoyeuxNoelBiggy · 24/12/2007 01:20

Maybe she's thinking they'll have loads already, but you need a treat?

I had the opposite - for years I bought presents for my neighbours, adults and kids, and they'd give us wine or beer, something like that. Cue our first and she gets a present, but suddenly we don't!

NappiesGaloriouslyFestive · 24/12/2007 01:27

maybe it just didnt occur to her.

maybe it did occur to her but she secretly wants children herself and cant have them and she cant bear the pain of buy for other little ones.

maybe she thinks your/all kids get tons and one more piece of toot from her will be neither here nor there.

who knows?

Discodolly100 · 30/12/2009 15:34

I hate to say it but she probably didnt even think about it. I say this as a mum of two little ones, but until I had my own kids, my friends kids just didnt register on my radar. That sounds awful! But I think that for some people (like me who arent necessarily that "into" kids until you have your own), you just think about your own friends and kids don't even enter your mind. (I'm not an evil person honest! And I'm sure your friend isnt either!) I totally understand how hurt you feel, especially as your little ones gave HER presents too. Maybe next year just give her a small gift yourself; and don't take it to heart ;-) ONE day she will realise!

StayingSantasGirl · 30/12/2009 15:53

Surely it is up to her who she buys presents for? I would be grateful to the friend who had bought me a present, not moaning because she hadn't bought something for my children too. It won't do your daughter any harm to learn that you don't buy people presents in order to get something in return, you do it for the pleasure of giving.

I would hope that, if your dd noticed that she hadn't had a gift from your friend, that you told her to look at all the lovely things that she had been given, and to enjoy those, and that you didn't tell her that your friend should have got her something, thus teaching her that she has a right to get presents.

Brunettelady · 30/12/2009 16:02

I agree with Disco, as she is YOUR friend, not your childrens, she wanted to get you something. As she doesn't have children she probably doesn't think in quite the same way as a mum would.

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 30/12/2009 16:17

YABU.

Totally agree with SSG - you cannot expect presents for your kids and actually I think it's rather sweet that she continues to buy YOU a present and treat YOU as what you are - her friend. Relax, enjoy the fact you have such a good friend, and don't think about it ever again.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 30/12/2009 17:17

YABU
get over it
my DBro forgot to get anything for my DS this year
So bloody what - he got loads
They got you presents
Getting them additional presents 'from your kids' is over the top and a weird precedent, in ten years time you will end up buying 800 gifts if your DCs have to get everyone something of their own
My Mum got a bday present from DS as well as us but that's it
Xmas is not about who bloody well gives what to who - be thankful for what you have and stop moaning

Plumm · 30/12/2009 17:20

I'm sure your kids got loads of presents. Your friend wanted to do something nice for you - be grateful.

GracieW · 30/12/2009 18:56

Yes, I agree with Plumm - maybe she felt your DC's got lots and wanted to buy something specifically for you and your DH.

BigBadMummy · 31/12/2009 13:30

I would use this as an exercise in "you dont buy a present just so you get a present in return". You chose and give presents because you want to, not because somebody is going to give you one in return.

We have plenty of friends who we buy presents for, my children help to chose them and some of these friends just buy for me, or just my DH, or the children. We don't keep track of the numbers given and received.

In fact in the case of my best friends we buy for the adults and not their two children, and they give my three children chocolate selection boxes.

Will your three year old really notice that they don't have one?

I know mine wouldnt at that age.

clayre · 31/12/2009 13:40

this thread is 2 years old im sure shes gotton over it!

InMyLittleHead · 31/12/2009 14:41

Ah, she's not psychic! Personally I would never expect someone to buy me a present from their kids as well, so I would just buy a present for the person. This is when xmas presents get silly imo...

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