Who is BU - friend or her husband?

[Pandano]

My friend and her husband are both in quite well-paid jobs - my friend in particular an often stressful one. They have two standard size hatchback cars which they use mainly for commuting. No children yet although they’re TTC.

Friend told me that she wants to sell her smaller car and buy a luxury SUV. She said she told her husband this and he asked “why do you need a big car?” She responded “because I work bloody hard and I deserve it”. Her husband still disagreed that it wasn’t something they needed right now.

Are either BU here? I’m on the fence as I can see her husband’s point - it’s a luxury not a necessity - but friend doesn’t see the harm as she thinks although it’s a big outlay, overall they can afford it.

If she doesn't need an SUV then she's unreasonable to buy one. Buying a car as a status symbol is the sign of a prick (because traditionally it's men that do it).

I would be mortified if my husband drove around in an unnecessarily large car. It's nothing to do with the money, it's what it says about a person's values. If they aren't on the same page ref status symbols then this will be the first of many arguments.

I think it really depends how their finances work. If they both contribute towards the bills then keep their "own" money after and she can easily afford it from her money then her husband shouldn't get a say. If the money is coming out of joint money/savings and it is really expensive then I can see why he wouldn't necessarily be happy.

When she says they can afford it, does that mean without having to give up other stuff and they won't notice the money gone? Or does it mean they'll need to cut back on some things for a while?

I bought a car a few months ago, nicer than the car I had but I paid for it outright, I could afford it as I had the money in my savings but it was nearly all my savings so even though I technically could afford it, it would have meant I didn't have any savings left. As it goes my partner and I ended up splitting the car as we both use it so I didn't need to use all my savings.

Also with them TTC, if she was to get pregnant right after buying it, would they manage financially with her on Mat leave and all the baby purchases with her having bought the car?

I agree that if they can easily afford it and not notice the money gone and it won't have an impact if they get pregnant then she should go and buy it but if it's going to mean making cuts elsewhere or it's going to put strain on them affording costs with the baby then I would be looking at something maybe a few years old second hand rather than a brand new one

From what she told me, she couldn’t afford it on her own so it’d be a joint expense, to replace her current car.

@Lou98

I think it really depends how their finances work. If they both contribute towards the bills then keep their "own" money after and she can easily afford it from her money then her husband shouldn't get a say. If the money is coming out of joint money/savings and it is really expensive then I can see why he wouldn't necessarily be happy.

When she says they can afford it, does that mean without having to give up other stuff and they won't notice the money gone? Or does it mean they'll need to cut back on some things for a while?

I bought a car a few months ago, nicer than the car I had but I paid for it outright, I could afford it as I had the money in my savings but it was nearly all my savings so even though I technically could afford it, it would have meant I didn't have any savings left. As it goes my partner and I ended up splitting the car as we both use it so I didn't need to use all my savings.

Also with them TTC, if she was to get pregnant right after buying it, would they manage financially with her on Mat leave and all the baby purchases with her having bought the car?

I agree that if they can easily afford it and not notice the money gone and it won't have an impact if they get pregnant then she should go and buy it but if it's going to mean making cuts elsewhere or it's going to put strain on them affording costs with the baby then I would be looking at something maybe a few years old second hand rather than a brand new one

I think she means with their current disposable income, they could afford the repayments (they couldn’t afford to buy it outright), but I don’t think she’s thought ahead to how her income would drop if she went on maternity leave.

If she's earned it during the marriage it's not her money, it's family money. I'd be pretty pissed off if DH decided to spend 80k of savings on a car we don't need without a conversation.

As I said on another thread - you can’t take it with you. Spend your money while you have it.

On the other hand, buying a new car on finance seems mad to me.

@Pandano in that case I don't really think her husband is BU then, I'm assuming with it being new that the monthly payments will likely be high and/or over a few years, I think it's a bit daft personally taking out a high monthly payment while they're TTC and out of joint money.

I think a compromise is needed, if she needs/wants a new car then I think looking at a cheaper, more practical second hand one might be better than buying new

@Pandano

From what she told me, she couldn’t afford it on her own so it’d be a joint expense, to replace her current car.

In that case, it’s not fair to buy something massively expensive that you do don’t need that only one person wants out of joint money.

@Pandano

From what she told me, she couldn’t afford it on her own so it’d be a joint expense, to replace her current car.

If she can't afford it and she doesn't need it she is BU.

In a family you pool your resources. Major decisions should be agreed together. They need to find a compromise that suits them both.

@Pandano

From what she told me, she couldn’t afford it on her own so it’d be a joint expense, to replace her current car.

In that case and the fact that it’s on finance, she is being unreasonable. We don’t share finances and buy what we want as long as it doesn’t affect the other.

[quote Chickenwing2]@OmgIThinkILikeYou not all married couples share finances. Its quite normal to have separate accounts. [/quote]
They are still married! We have separate accounts but we are married and we absolutely share. I cannot even contemplate that one of us would make a major purchase costing tens of thousands without full agreement and involvement from the other.

I am not anti SUVs, but if one of them doesn’t want to make this purchase then I think the other needs to either forget about it or work on persuading them. But shouldn’t just do it anyway because it is “her money”.

If it's a decision involving joint finances they both need to agree. Sounds like friend has a perfectly adequate car, so she is BU.

I agree if they are TTC, they need to think about what might happen in the future, and now is not a good time to be spending all their disposable income.

One way round it is to combine joint finances for bills, and have personal (equal) spending money. Then if friend decided she wanted to spend her money on a bigger car, it would be entirely her decision (but would of course mean she had less money for other things).

Do they live half a mile up a farm track? Personally I think anyone who buys an SUV for commuting or pottering around town is unreasonable.

Bit cheeky of her to expect him to pay towards it, especially if she’s hoping to be off on maternity soon. If she wants it, she should pay for it in its entirety.

She's definitely BU. If she can't afford it on her own, she's expecting her DH to contribute - but they have two perfectly good cars? If they're TTC why would her DH want to take the burden of paying for a snazzy SUV he didn't want, when her pay is impacted (assuming she'll take the leave during maternity). If my DH wanted to upgrade his car and couldn't afford it, I'd be annoyed if he expected me to chip in the extra without discussion / taking my view into account, especially if he planned 12 months of unpaid / low paid leave in the next few years!