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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Saying baby instead of the baby or my baby

59 replies

KristinAmandaThomas · 09/01/2022 09:55

Sorry if this sounds catty because I don't mean it nastily I'm just genuinely curious. I see so many threads where posters reference their baby but just as baby with no prefix. So "I need to get on with housework but baby won't settle". Why do people not say my baby? Or the baby?

I think this mainly puzzles me because it's specific to babies. Nobody ever says husband or child without prefix. It would be "my child has a fever" or "my husband is cooking tonight". Anyone know why? Or am I just BU as it's acceptable language when speaking of babies to need no prefixes?

OP posts:
Lockheart · 09/01/2022 09:58

I don't know but I hate it too. It's THE baby.

It's in the same horrible mould as 'mum' when someone is addressing you. "And how is mum doing?" etc.

PurpleDaisies · 09/01/2022 09:58

It drives me nuts.

StiltonLover · 09/01/2022 09:59

Agree I've also noticed this and found it odd! Just one of those language quirks I get. HCP seem to do it, maybe that's where it starts "how is Mum today? And how is baby?" 🤮

"I've asked him but Husband just won't tidy up"
"I need to feed Dog"
"MIL keeps giving child sweets"

Butchyrestingface · 09/01/2022 10:02

Because it's habit? Because it's superfluous? It's easy enough to SAY in convo but if you're typing, saves time to cut out unnecessary words?

You don't NEED to say "I need to get on (the) housework but MY baby won't settle" because it is implied. If it was someone else's baby, you'd probably have typed that.

Regarding 'husband' and 'child' - not quite sure. They sound more formal to my ears than 'baby' though.

I'm sure someone will be along with the correct grammatical reasoning soon. Grin

TakeYourFinalPosition · 09/01/2022 10:04

I don’t think I do this but I can understand why you’d get into the habit of if.,,, I try to avoid saying “my baby” because I’m often talking to my husband and it’s his baby too; and I’ve noticed it makes MIL go a bit weird too. It sounds a bit possessive, maybe?

And I’ve avoided “the baby” since pregnancy. We didn’t find out what sex baby would be until he was born, and half the midwifes would say that calling baby “the baby” or “it” (because we couldn’t use he/she) used to be considered a red flag for bonding; etc. They were just making conversation, but it put me off! “They” suggests twins and alternating he/she confused people, so we just said baby.

I tend to just use his name; but the health visitors and midwifes use mum/baby (probably to stop them from forgetting names, they often forget he’s a boy, they’re all so overworked) so it’d be easy to pick up from them, too.

SilverRingahBells · 09/01/2022 10:04

Bear in mind on MN we routinely drop the "my" when talking about DH/DD/DMIL anyway.

JohnLapsleyParlabane · 09/01/2022 10:06

When I hear it, I think of it being used as a proper noun. So more similar to
'i asked Granny if she would like to visit'.
So basically capitalise Baby.

MintyGreenDream · 09/01/2022 10:08

I used to work with someone who said baby instead of your baby..so annoying!

Holly60 · 09/01/2022 10:09

@JohnLapsleyParlabane

When I hear it, I think of it being used as a proper noun. So more similar to 'i asked Granny if she would like to visit'. So basically capitalise Baby.
This. It’s in lieu of the baby’s name, so instead of saying ‘Felicity won’t settle’, people replace the baby’s name with ‘Baby’.
StiltonLover · 09/01/2022 10:15

Holly & John Yes you're right & I think that's why it grates a bit, because it's an assumed familiarity that isn't there when talking with strangers?
You wouldn't say to your boss "this weekend Granny is staying" you'd say "my".

KurtWilde · 09/01/2022 10:15

Because it's obviously their baby if it's stopping them cleaning/exercising/sleeping so no need for the possessive 'my' in front.

I also think people on MN use 'baby' in place of the name. Because they wouldn't put 'my' or 'the' in front of their child's name!

So 'I can't do my cleaning because Milo won't settle' becomes 'I can't do my cleaning because baby won't settle'

Same goes for HCP they use it in place of the mums/babies name.

Gardeningcreature · 09/01/2022 10:22

Yes it’s used in place of the baby’s name. I see 100s of babies in my job. I seriously do not know or have the time to remember every name. I see them before they even have a name.
It’s quite obvious when I say Baby that I am referring specifically to their baby and nobody else’s baby.

MrsToothyBitch · 09/01/2022 10:22

Oh my god I HATE this. Drives me nuts, it sounds so twee. I think it's meant to sound less rigid/formal than saying "the baby" but I merely find it patronising.

Appreciate that when medical staff etc do it- how is mum etc, they are busy & have lots of names and faces to deal with but there are other ways round this when speaking. I can't help myself, I always bite back.

ColdShouldersWarmTummy · 09/01/2022 10:25

People do do it with husband/daughter etc:

"I want to go out but DH doesn't"
"I couldn't sleep because DD was playing up"

WheelieBinPrincess · 09/01/2022 10:26

I hate it when the health visitor or nurse says

‘And how’s mum?’ Angry

ColdShouldersWarmTummy · 09/01/2022 10:26

(on Mumsnet, that is). Agree it would sound weird irl but it seems to be an accepted use of language here 🤷‍♀️

PurpleDaisies · 09/01/2022 10:26

@ColdShouldersWarmTummy

People do do it with husband/daughter etc:

"I want to go out but DH doesn't"
"I couldn't sleep because DD was playing up"

That’s typing on here. I’ve never heard anyone actually say “I want to go out but husband doesn’t”. People do say “baby sleeps well” or whatever. It’s utterly nauseating.
shewillhaveherway · 09/01/2022 10:28

I hate it too. I assumed it was used in place of the baby’s name but it still irks me.

wtaf37 · 09/01/2022 10:29

@KristinAmandaThomas

Sorry if this sounds catty because I don't mean it nastily I'm just genuinely curious. I see so many threads where posters reference their baby but just as baby with no prefix. So "I need to get on with housework but baby won't settle". Why do people not say my baby? Or the baby?

I think this mainly puzzles me because it's specific to babies. Nobody ever says husband or child without prefix. It would be "my child has a fever" or "my husband is cooking tonight". Anyone know why? Or am I just BU as it's acceptable language when speaking of babies to need no prefixes?

Why not just use its name? I need to get Ethel settled...
koalacat · 09/01/2022 10:29

I had just always assumed these posters were from Yorkshire? You know how there is a tendency for some people up there to drop “the” for everything - eg “I was coming down road on way back from shop.”

StiltonLover · 09/01/2022 10:33

koala Yorkshire accent shortens "the" to "t" so in your example "I was coming down t' road" and "down t" often becomes "downt" with a soft t on the end (sounds a bit like a glottal stop).
The word "the" isn't eliminated.

BatshitBanshee · 09/01/2022 10:59

It starts with maternity care... On scans etc medics would say "baby is ok/moving/breech" etc in lieu of a name. Then it just becomes habit.

Tanaqui · 09/01/2022 11:09

In books from the 20s and 30s babies are often referred to as capital B Baby. I assumed that was also how Baby got her nickname in Dirty Dancing!

Dontletthemuggglesgetyoudown · 09/01/2022 11:12

Not as bad as 'I boob him to sleep'

LakieLady · 09/01/2022 11:17

All these years and I thought it was just me!

I hate it and when I hear it it's like chalk squeaking on a blackboard.

Mind you, if I compiled all the words and phrases that annoy me in a book, it'd be longer than Lord Of The Rings. First entry would be "Would of/should of", which makes me bite my lip for fear of shouting "Go on then, conjugate the verb "to of".