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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not to worry that my son no longer believes...

96 replies

Reallytired · 23/12/2007 23:13

My son no longer believes in Father Christmas. His logic is.

His best friend who is a Hindu does not get presents from Father Christmas. According to my son his friend is extremely well behaved at school.

When Father Christmas visited the school he suspiciously looked like the caretaker. When Father Christmas visited Church he looked like the Church Warden.

The other day he said to me "I think Father Christmas is the mummies pretending." I told him to keeep the mummies secret. My sister in law thinks that I should have told him that father christmas is real as my son is five years old.

OP posts:

Original poster

Reallytired · 26/12/2007 11:47

My son had a great christmas. In many ways it was the most special Christmas we have ever had.

Jesus was the focus of our Christmas celebrations, Santa was not considered important. The images of Father Christmas is a very sucessful marketing campaign by Coca Cola. (If I was a being a naughty fundermentalist Christian then I could say that if you rearrange the letters of "santa" you can get "satan")

My son thanked his Mummy and Daddy for the presents in his stocking.

OP posts:

bookofchristmascarolsmum · 26/12/2007 12:01

I read it in the paper when I was 4 (being a precious brat who could read before she went to school!!) but I humoured my parents successfully until I left primary school when they decided that they should Have a Chat with Me About It.

In answer to the OP, the other FCs are stepping in for the real santa whilst he helps the elves make all the presents for the children as it's a busy time of year and he cant' spare the time. Duh.....

Ubergeekian · 26/12/2007 12:02

You know what makes me cross? It's when people assume that their desire to peddle their child a fantasy must take precedence over my desire to tell my child the truth.

Tell your child what you want, if you must, in the privacy of your own home, but I don't see any reason why the rest of us should be expected to back you up in public places.

OP: your child made a clever deduction based on intelligent observation of the world around him. Well done him!

justaboutfullofXmaspudding · 26/12/2007 12:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bookofchristmascarolsmum · 26/12/2007 12:07

Reallytired - do you have a christmas tree? That's a pagan symbol re-introduced by Prince Albert in Victorian times.

I quite like the idea of a green-clad FC actually .

VictorianSqualor · 26/12/2007 12:15

Santa Claus comes from Saint Nicholas, a friggin SAINT, it's religious!
Just cos he now wears red doesn't make it a different origin.

UniversallyChallenged · 26/12/2007 15:40

Good points Uber, made me think there

Original poster

Reallytired · 26/12/2007 21:54

Lol... we have lots of pagan relics in the UK. Its part of our country's inheritance. Most of Christmas has pagan roots.

The early christians sucessfully commoredeered a pagan festival. They realised that people in a cold wet country NEED a party at this time of year. In fact it is not known when Jesus exact birthday was. to Christians, Jesus's death and ressurection is FAR more important to celebrate.

If you read about St Nicolas you will find he was quite a colourful character. He gave money to the poor. In particular he helped out a poor man with three daughters who need dowries.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saint_Nicholas

There is nothing wrong with giving children a present in a stocking. There is nothing wrong with most christmas traditions. If you are a practicing christian then you will not want your children to think that getting presents is the most important thing in the world.

Its a sad fact that suicides are very common on Christmas day. True christianity is thinking how you help the lonely and vulnerable people without expecting anything in return. For example visiting a lonely old lady. Infact this applies 365 days a year.

OP posts:

JacanneAbox · 26/12/2007 22:05

Reallytired - apparently that's an urban legend - coke popularised the image of Father Christmas but they didn't make him red.

FrannyandZooey · 26/12/2007 22:14

Ds has asked who bought the things in his stocking

I asked him if he really wanted to know and he said yes, so I told him it was me

he said thank you Mummy and was delighted

Someone asked him a few hours later who brought his stocking and he said Father Christmas

children young enough to be playing this pretend game can KNOW that it is their parents and BELIEVE that it is Father Christmas, both at the same time

children old enough to tell the difference properly between the truth and a game, should not be hoodwinked by elaborate stories and a sort of weird conspiracy of adults, IMO

this cute stage where they believe in fairies and so on, is lovely, but why try to artificially extend it for your own pleasure? And make the rest of us back you up?

VictorianSqualor · 26/12/2007 22:23

DD asked me if santa really existed and I said 'I don't know, I've never seen him but that doesn't mean much does it' and left her to think on it.
I say the same for most things 'magical' she questions, at the age of 7 she is old enough to understand that a negative cannot be proven except as a by-product of a positive.
Who am I to say whether or not santa exists? All I can say honestly is that I do her stockings (she hasnt asked yet).
I think she knows though, or is close to, at DP's nans we were talking about the muddy footprints and his nan said 'Ooooh, your auntie was going to do muddy footprints this year, no snowy ones' the adults all laughed and made the 'shhh' face whilst DD told her, 'we didnt do them silly, it was Santa'.

VictorianSqualor · 26/12/2007 22:26

BUT, I meant to add, I was in toys r us sunday and started talking to DP about the stocking fillers I needed to get still then realised there was a young girl in the queue behind me and changed my story to how I knew santa bought enough things but I wanted to 'add' to it as the children hadnt written some of the stuff on the list.
I know it was bollocks, but who am I to tell someone elses DC's whether or not he is real?? I don't think pretending for the sake of someone elses children is really that much of a problem.
They'll find out soon enough.

morningglory · 26/12/2007 22:32

Wouldn't really bother me. DS sort of shocked me when I told him we would see Father Christmas at Kew Gardens by saying ," You know Mummy, he isn't real.". He just turned 4! Guess it's because we have never talked about Father Christmas, or made him believe in him (no, I'm not a killjoy). I just said, yes you are correct, he isn't a real person, but a spirit of joy who made people happy and joyous at Christmas, and that the people dressed up as Father Christmas are just symbols of Christmas cheer.

Well, it was the best I could come up with.

FrannyandZooey · 26/12/2007 22:36

VS sure I wouldn't deliberately tell someone else's child either way

but insisting everyone toes the party line, when we all have different beliefs on this, seems a bit rabid sometimes

Original poster

Reallytired · 27/12/2007 14:19

FrannyandZooey,

I could not agree with you more. Part of growing up is realising that different people have different beliefs. It is OK, to be a pagan, muslim, christian, jew or even a Jedi!

Make believe and pretend is good fun for adults and children. However I think that elaborate lying and cause more problems than it prevents. It shows a complete and utter lack of respect for a child.

OP posts:

VictorianSqualor · 27/12/2007 17:59

I agree no-one should expect you to lie for them, if you don't believe then you don't believe and I wouldn't expect you to say otherwise.
I am surprised how many people are ok with someone saying they don't believe in God but not Santa

goreousgirl · 24/12/2009 14:56

Here is a good reply, that I gave to my daughter (and it's true)!! If you believe in Santa, he exists, but if you don't, he doesn't - it's as simple as that!!

She still believes (9!) and would like an Iphone!!! I am having trouble explaining that she can't have that though!!!

Merry Christmas

InMyLittleHead · 24/12/2009 14:59

I personally would never bother pretending there is a FC in the first place, because they will only find out there isn't [scrooge] but think it's a cute idea in general But if the kid has twigged, I think it's odd to keep on pretending. Just tell them not to spoil the magic for the littlies.

Mincepiedermama · 24/12/2009 15:05

I keep it vague at this stage and say stuff like, 'Well ... you can believe what you like really.'

I would never flatly deny doing it if the kids asked me straight.

DS2 was five when he found out. Like your DS he's very logical and was actually frightened at the prospect of a strange man coming into his room in the middle of the night. So I told him.

I have three non believers and one four year old believer in the house. The other three manage very well to suspend their disbelief and I carry on as if they still believe.

Morloth · 24/12/2009 16:01

We don't so Santa, not out of any religious reason just that both DH and I were raised in households where Santa wasn't done, we have other traditions.

DS knows who Santa/FC/Saint Nicholas is and knows that some children believe that he is real and that they might get upset if he tells them otherwise. This seems to work, I wouldn't punish him though if he did tell other kids the truth - not likely to be a problem at his multi-cultural school though, he taught me all about Hanukkah the other day.

Drama over thread title is bizarre, seriously the word "Cunting" was used a month or so ago, the words Fuck and Shit are regulars and people are worried about kid's reading over their shoulder about Santa? Very weird, is Mumsnet, not Kidsnet.

dmo · 24/12/2009 16:38

so sad my boys no longer believe (sob sob) my youngest is year 8 and this is the frist year of non believing feel sad even if we did get to age 12

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