I’m so fed up

[CrazyMama10]

It’s gonna sound petty I know but I need to vent.

I need a break. Just an hour. A hot bath with a beer.

My job is emotionally, mentally and physically tiring, the work pressures are mega at the moment and it’s exhausting. I work 4 days and my day off is so I can spend a day with son. Husband works week on week off.

I can’t keep up on all my house work- piles of washing, cleaning, tidying etc - everything is falling behind and the house is a tip. It’s doing my head in.

We hosted Christmas for 10 people for dinner and then an additional 6 on the evening. I arranged 95% - the gifts,wrapping,shopping,dinner prep,tree/decorations and all the other shit that comes with Christmas. I took all the decorations down myself.

Husband mums 60th birthday a week ago - I arranged the gifts, the cards, the cake, the decorations, balloons, decorated the party venue alone and then turned up to the party 45 mins late (husband and toddler went on time) as I didn’t get home in time to get ready. No thank you from husband for arranging it all, getting stressed and trying to do everything with a 2 year old with me.

I do the weekly meal plan, food shop and most of the cooking. Most of the cleaning and washing. Husband does a weekly clean of the kitchen, utility, hall and downstairs loo. I arrange all the childcare for the week/month.

I’ve missed a meal out with the girls this week as husband had a bad day so stayed to sort toddler out and put him to bed - too late to go by the time I was done. They arranged a night tonight for a few drinks and a game of bowling. My husband isn’t well (aches and pains, headache, no energy etc) negative lateral flow for us both! Now I’m missing tonight too as I feel bad if I go.

I’m neglecting myself and my needs and I look gross. Hair is always greasy, skin is awful, diet isn’t too good as I always just grab stuff on the go.

I feel alone, I explained to husband today that I feel sad and down. He ignored me and continued to watch the football.

AIBU to think I need a little more support? Everyone I mention it I get turned into the bad guy.

My ex was very much like this: expected a medal for 5% of the work- work done sloppily I might add- and then would piss off up to bed with a "headache" or "full body aches" if he ever had to actually step up and take on any more.

Perfect example- I had a kidney infection. It had developed into one from a UTI that I was trying to flush out with cranberry juice because I literally didn't have an hour in my day to see a doctor. I had been in discomfort for days and he hadn't helped, but this day I woke up with a 105 degree temperature and with a pain in my back and side that felt like I'd been operated on. I said I couldn't get up and he huffed, yanked on his dressing gown and gave the kids two biscuits each for their breakfast and plonked them in front of CBeebies. I texted my sister and just said "I'm ill." I must have just immediately gone to sleep, because the next thing I knew, she was in my room shaking me telling me she was taking me to hospital. I was shaking, crying, vomiting. It was three hours after I had texted her and she had called me, got no answer, called my ex who spent about twenty minutes telling her how hard his morning had been and how badly his head hurt and that he needed someone to come and watch the kids. She turned up, saw him on his Xbox, came and found me, went mad at him and then sorted me out for hospital. I'll never forget him rushing to my side as my sister helped me out of the door, putting his hand on my shoulder and saying "what am I even meant to do with the kids? What have you got sorted for their tea in case you're not back to do it?"

I was in hospital for eleven days. And my sister had to go every single day to my house to make sure my kids were dressed and fed or put to bed. Not once did he feel so embarrassed by this that he made sure to dress and feed his kids. No, he just waited for her to turn up and do it! I asked every day to be discharged because I knew I'd come home to my house looking like a bomb had hit it, with laundry piled up to my ears and no food in, plus my children probably half starved and turned feral from no parenting.

I was so angry and so ashamed of him.

Hobestly, all I could think reading each and every line was "more fool you"

Who cares if it makes you the "bad guy"?! What happiness has being the "good guy" brought you? It sounds absolutely fucking miserable.

Just STOP doing it, the world won’t end OP. He will have to step up.

I ended up coming out after outting our little boy to bed

I feel worse
I feel worthless
I don’t feel like I matter to anyone

Who even am I anymore????

@Jacaranda75

Why do you take so much stuff on? Anyway I think you should consider doing Fly Lady to keep your house nice and clean.

Why? If her useless husband stepped up she wouldn't need to!

I think you need to have a serious talk with your husband @CrazyMama10 You cannot go on like this. You're going to burn out all your candles.
Big hugs.

Get your husband to see his GP the things he is complaining of sound like a vitamin d3/b12 deficiency. He needs to do more on his week off though

You have to learn how to say no, you will grind yourself into a whole host of health problems!
Good luck OP