Consider changing both children’s middle names?

[Wendarl]

I love the first names of my two children (2 under 2) but possibly in the madness that is life having two small babies, I realise I was too blasé in letting my partner pick the middle names. Both are family names on his side. I thought he’d had blessing from the name sake (in one case) and made the family happy generally (my son has MIL’s family name as middle name) but turns out not to be the case. Think my husband was people pleasing to the extreme but read it wrong and I’ve actually sensed bit of rudeness about it, certainly dismissive of any meaning behind it. It’s shocked me that I (quite literally tbh) have been so submissive about something like this and slept walked into giving my children names I actually really don’t like.

I know I’m suffering some pp anxiety and generally overthinking life atm. But still..shall I force the issue with my husband (yanbu) and change the names while they’re still babies or (yabu) try to let it go.

Definitely over thinking

Are you saying that his family aren't please that you used their names? Have you both agreed on names you'd want to change them to?

Are they awful names or just not your favourites? Were there any alternatives that you both liked? Who got to choose the first names?

Let it go; I would think most people only use their middle names when filling in forms and very rarely day-to-day.

Let it go. It seems like a big deal but in the grand scheme of things they really won't use their middle names much.

Their names were chosen with good intentions and those intentions have not changed so I'd leave them as they are.

What does their father want to do?
I do think your overthinking a bit. If you both want to do it then fine but if he’s still happy with his choices then I think you need to let it go.
Who had final say over their first names?

My friend and her husband chose a family name from his side for their child’s middle name. When they announced it his family were very because it turned out nobody liked this person! They didn’t consider changing it and middle names are rarely used anyway. It probably did teach then to check their facts a bit more carefully.

Park the whole thing for a couple of years. By then they will just be your DC and hopefully you will have a little eye roll at yourself.

Hmmm. It's really tough isn't it OP.

I had the same situation as you with my second child - my DH wanted to give a family name as a middle name. I didn't have an alternative so I agreed and i now regret it.

I do like the middle though - it's just got family connections that caused a bit of tension on my side.

Are the names terrible / old fashioned / embarrassing? Causing you bother?

If yes, change them (and keep it quiet from that family).

If not I'd just let it go.

Personally, I would just leave it now as they’re middle names. I don’t think middle names are used that much really are they? Well I don’t anyway.

I changed dds middle name when she turned 7. She never liked it and it was my mum's name who doesn't talk to me anymore so .. anyway DD loves her new name now!

My dh insisted on DSs middle name being something I didn't like. He's got two middle names and we never use the one DH wanted and now isn't keen on it either!

We just generally don't use it, I don't think DS even knows he's got it as a name.

I don't fully understand this post.
Are you saying his family were not appreciating to the fact your children had their name?
Have you fallen out with his family since?
Do you just hate the sound of the name?

Middle names are completely pointless so I would just leave it.

You love their first names, that's the most important thing.

Middle names are rarely used, and changing them will be a nightmare for the rest of their lives when they have to fill it forms that require them to include any former names.
One of my friends has had a relatively standard security clearance form held up for nearly a year, because of a name change. It means that she's severely hampered in carrying out the job that she got back then, and her employer is starting to get frustrated.

@AnxiousWeirdo

I changed dds middle name when she turned 7. She never liked it and it was my mum's name who doesn't talk to me anymore so .. anyway DD loves her new name now!

I like the idea of letting them choose their own middle names (with some help!) when they are old enough.

Otherwise, I'd change them if it will make you feel better.

If the middle names truly have 'bad' connotations to DH's family, then I'd consider changing them. I'm talking about MiL's MN being 'Capone' or 'Kray' or the like (although I'm sure there are a lot of very nice Capones and Krays out there) and she grew up being teased about it, or that the name you've given contains a 'family secret', ie that Uncle Joe really isn't 'Grandpa's' child.

IMO, if you're going to use a 'family name' I think it's always a good idea to check with the family first.

Absolutely go for it Hun if it’s causing upset. I am currently going through the same thing. My DD is 5! I’m going to message you now.. but life is to short to worry, make the change ASAP and maybe write them a little letter for when the time comes they question it to just explain how you felt at the time and that is was causing distress. I absolutely don’t think your being unreasonable for taking steps to ensure your the best mum you can be. And to be that mum you need to be in the best mind frame possible. So if changing their middle names will help you, then I say go for it!!

Good luck. X x

Neither of my children have middle names. They are both adults now. I would just leave the names as they are.

If you are on good terms with your MIL you could chat to her about the names and make sure she knows that it was your DH who chose the middle names, and not you?

There might be some family background discord that you and your DH aren't aware of, and those names bring back the wrong sort of memories for people.

Middle names don’t matter . Mine all have the same middle name ( don’t ask it was my hormonal brain speaking ) but who cares really .

You talk about “my children” and “letting” him pick the middle names but they’re your partner’s children too! I think you’d be massively unreasonable to change them now, and to over-rule his choice at this late stage.

Is it because you gave her name to your son? Is it a gender neutral name? If so, does MIL agree that it is neutral?

Nobody uses middle names, I really wouldn’t worry.